Feeling betrayed can be the worst feeling ever.
I’ve been there, I’ve been betrayed more than once, and it’s been awful.
It makes you feel low on self-esteem; it makes you feel insecure and unsure; and it can leave you feeling completely lost.
In this article, I’ll share what I’ve learned about how to overcome betrayal multiple times.
1) Allow yourself to grieve
Allowing yourself to grieve is one of the most fundamental things any of us can do to heal. Allowing ourselves to feel all the negative emotions, and not feeling ashamed of them, allows us to process them and then learn from them.
In other words, when you’ve been betrayed multiple times, allow yourself to grieve. This will help you heal and move on. This is probably the most necessary step and often the longest.
2) Talk it out with a trusted friend
Working through the pain and trauma is very difficult if we do it alone. We must talk about our feelings and experiences.
So, if you’ve been betrayed, having a trusted friend to talk to about everything can help.
Remember, though, that the goal isn’t to just complain and hate the person who betrayed you. Your negative feelings toward him or her are certainly valid, but gaining insight and perspective takes more than that.
In other words, listen to the advice your trusted friend gives you, as well as venting. This will help you grow and get over the betrayal many times over.
3) Break Out of a Routine
Is your relationship in a rut?
If so, let me tell you:
I’ve been there, and I know how it feels.
When I was at the lowest point in my relationship, I reached out to a relationship coach to see if he or she could give me any answers or insights.
I was expecting some vague advice about being supportive or being strong.
But surprisingly, I got some very deep, specific, and practical advice about addressing the issues in my relationship. It included real solutions to improve many of the things my partner and I had been struggling with for years.
I found this special coach in Relationship Hero who helped me turn things around and figure out what to do when I was cheated on multiple times.
Relationship Hero is a leading relationship counseling company for a reason.
They offer solutions, not just talk.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get personalized advice for your situation.
Click here to read about it.
4) This is a growth point
As awful as it is, and as horrible as it is to have ruined your life, try to think of it as a growth point.
What do I mean by that? Well, it’s important not to get stuck in life, or let things hold you back. In that way, being cheated on, especially multiple times, is a setback, not something that will hold you back.
In other words, this is something you can learn from. There is always something to learn and grow from in every experience, whether it’s positive or negative.
So try to think of the positive side, of course, don’t ignore or deny the negative, but realize that from here you can move forward and thrive.
Here are several other ways to move on from a toxic relationship.
5) Uprooting Harmful Thoughts
Negative and hateful thoughts will get you nowhere on your journey to overcome betrayal many times.
Whether you hold unrestrained hatred for your cheating partner or you internalize it and blame yourself for it all, these thoughts are harmful.
These thoughts will do the opposite of healing; in fact, they will hold you back and hurt you even more.
Therefore, it is important to be wary of this type of destructive thinking. It is important to accept the negative feelings and allow yourself to feel honest. However, no good can come from wallowing in hatred or avoiding the fact that nothing will change what has already happened.
6) Blaming Will Get You Nowhere
The Blame Game: Everyone does it. We all fall prey to this trap.
This is because of our innate sense of justice. We feel that someone must bear the burden, for someone to confess. Someone needs to be punished, right?
While understanding blame is important in many situations, ultimately blaming will get you nowhere.
In other words, blaming will not help you recover.
In many ways, blame is pointless. It doesn’t matter who did what, because it happened.
So playing the blame game may help you feel better for a while, however, it won’t help you get over cheating multiple times completely.
On the other hand, it’s important to understand the roles that both parties played in what happened. It’s easy to point fingers, but what role did you play in the whole thing?
No one is perfect, and cheating is complicated.
Just remember that blame is toxic and leaves you in a negative state of mind.
7) Prove Your Self-Worth
There’s a lot to be said about why this isn’t the first time someone has cheated on you.
Circumstances are different, for some it might be the same person cheating twice, for others it might be different people.
For me, it was the same person.
After the first time, I chose to stay with my partner, thinking that maybe I was the one who needed to change. I tried, of course. But it wasn’t long before I discovered that this person was still cheating on me.
What I understand now is that I didn’t have a healthy sense of self-worth. I didn’t realize it then, but the way I viewed myself was really unhealthy.
I was blaming myself and my shortcomings, ignoring my partner’s shortcomings. Once I realized that I needed to establish my self-worth, I was able to begin to grow and heal, and then leave this person.
There’s no way I can tell you what to do in your situation. What I can say is that establishing your self-worth is absolutely vital to having a healthy relationship with anyone.
There are many ways you can do this, but it all starts with knowing what you’re okay with and what you’re not. It starts with respecting yourself and getting out of the way in the same way you would with a close friend.
8) Setting Personal Boundarieso
This is really important in the healing and growth process. Just saying you have self-worth is not enough. It takes more.
This means setting personal boundaries. Understand your boundaries, what you’re okay with, how you want others to treat you, etc.
From there, you can start implementing these boundaries in your daily life.
For example, if you disagree with the way someone is treating you, say it out loud. Do things that make you feel valued and respected. Don’t let anyone step on you or violate your boundaries.
This is especially true for your cheating partner if you’re still with them.
On the other hand, setting personal boundaries when you enter a new relationship will help you avoid being cheated on again.
Here are some great steps to setting personal boundaries that actually work.
9) Don’t Give Up on Love
This was hard for me, especially in the beginning and for a long time after I was cheated on for the second time.
I couldn’t get it out of my head.
“Why bother falling in love with someone? What’s the point, it just leads to pain. I’m clearly not enough for people, they need to find love in someone else. True love doesn’t exist.”
Thoughts like this would play on my mind for weeks on end.
I was miserable. Especially as a romantic at heart, who has the capacity to love and care so intensely. It was hard for me, and it will be for you.
However, it’s important not to get bored. It’s hard to fix. I felt so damaged and scarred, and for so long, I closed myself off from feeling love. I was disappointed.
But I wasn’t doing myself any favors. Love is beautiful, it’s all-encompassing, and it’s always there. Try not to forget that as you heal.
10) Revisit Every Aspect of Your Relationship
This point applies whether you left your cheating partner or are still with them.
Relationships aren’t complicated, but they often are. There are many moving parts. Each person has a unique story, and they have many feelings, emotions, and ever-changing needs.
When someone cheats, there can be a number of reasons. It could be one thing, or it could be a whole host of things.
Take the time to revisit every aspect of the relationship. Try to see it through a new lens, from a new perspective.
Trying to step outside of yourself and the relationship in this regard can give you a lot of insight. In other words, it can help you grow, develop, and heal.
11) Talk to your partner about it
This point applies primarily if you are still with your cheating partner.
The important thing about communication is that it will almost always help. It will lead to a better understanding.
When the time is right, don’t be afraid to approach your cheating partner. Tell them up front that you want to talk about the incident but in a spirit of understanding.
You shouldn’t be looking for a confession or an opportunity to express your anger.
You want to hear their perspective, listen to them explain why they did what they did, what led to the cheating, etc. You will both learn a lot, and bridge the gap.
The same can apply if you have already broken up.
There may still be animosity, and there may be a lot of unanswered questions. If you haven’t come to terms with what happened, talking to your partner can greatly help you in your journey to healing and moving forward.
Betrayal is more about a breach of trust than a specific type of action. This article highlights the signs of betrayal, whether small or big.
12) Understanding the Real Reason Why People Cheat
Why Do People Cheat? It’s a dilemma that psychologists have been wondering about for a long time.
There is no clear answer to this question, as the reasons can vary greatly. However, there are common trends that psychologists have identified.
It could be for individual reasons: a flaw on the part of your partner, or a personality trait.
On a different note, it could be for relationship reasons: an unmet need, a lack of satisfaction, a conflict, or a desire to “get revenge” on the other.
It could also be for situational reasons: the relationship may be happy, the person is loyal, but something in the environment leads to an awkward situation.
In reality, only external factors play a role.
People cheat because there is a disconnect with their inner self. There is something deeper, a lack of respect. The reason your partner cheated on you could be because you had no involvement at all.
No matter the reason, it is important to try to understand why your partner cheated on you. This will help you accept the situation and move on from the betrayal you have experienced so many times.
13) Use Empathy
This idea ties into our discussion of the blame game.
When you blame someone, you are actually taking away your power. No matter how you handle it, you are allowing yourself to be a victim of their crime, and nothing else.
There is no cure in thinking this way. To regain your power and empower yourself to heal, you have to understand.
In other words, you have to use empathy. It can be hard, especially with hurt feelings and bad blood, but it is worth the effort.
Anger and resentment are the anchors that will hold you back and prevent you from healing—from growing.
If you are an empath by nature, here is a great article with tips to protect you from emotional burnout.
While you are empathizing with your partner, why not show some of that empathy toward yourself, too?
This is also a valuable opportunity to work on the most important relationship you will ever have.
When it comes to relationships, you may be surprised to hear that there is a very important connection that you may have been overlooking:
The relationship you have with yourself.
In his amazing free video on cultivating healthy relationships, Ruda gives you the tools to put yourself at the center of your world.
Once you start doing this, there’s no telling how much happiness and fulfillment you can find within yourself and with your relationships.
So what makes Ruda’s advice so life-changing?
Well, he uses techniques drawn from ancient shamanic teachings, but adds his own modern twist. He may be a shaman, but he’s struggled with the same problems in love that you and I have.
Using this combination, he identifies the areas where most of us go wrong in our relationships.
So, if you’re tired of your relationships never working out, or feeling unappreciated, unappreciated, or unloved, this free video will give you some amazing techniques to transform your love life.
Make the change today and cultivate the love and respect you know you deserve.
Click here to watch the free video.
14) Try New Things, Meet New People
Getting out of your routine and comfort zone will be beneficial and catalyzing growth. Meeting new people and experiencing new things will serve two purposes.
First, it will take your mind off the infidelity and your negative feelings. This will ease your pain and give you space from your grief, which will help you process.
Number two, it will introduce you to new people, help you build positive relationships, and fill the void and time that your partner was missing.
Replace that negative energy with new positive energy.
15) Understand why this isn’t the first time
There’s a lot to be said about why this isn’t the first time you’ve been cheated on. Basically, there are two scenarios where you fall into one.
You’ve either been cheated on twice by the same person, or you’ve been cheated on by different people. Either way, it’s important to analyze your actions.
Now, this doesn’t mean you’re to blame. However, here’s what it might say about you:
If it’s the same person, reevaluate your personal boundaries. Why are you still stuck with someone who clearly doesn’t respect your relationship?
If it’s between different people, examine your relationship habits.
If you know why he cheated, was it the same between relationships? There may be a need that you’re consistently not meeting, regardless of the relationship.
Again, I’m not saying you’re to blame, but that doesn’t mean you don’t play a role. Being honest with yourself will help you grow and heal.
16) Consider Seeing a Counselor
Ultimately, there’s only so much you can do on your own. Talking to a trusted friend can help, but there’s always the option of seeking help from a counselor.
If you feel deeply hurt by your partner’s actions, or if you feel like you’re not getting better, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional about it. They can explain your feelings, and give you the tools you need to heal.
If you’re looking to keep your relationship alive, couples therapy can work wonders.
You’ll be able to talk about the event, your relationship, and your feelings in a safe place, where you can meet in the middle.
Deciding whether it’s time to move on
We’ve covered 16 things you should do if you’ve been cheated on multiple times, but if you want a very personal explanation of the situation and where it’s leading you in the future, it might be helpful to talk to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like being cheated on multiple times. They’re popular because they really help people work through issues. In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get advice tailored to your situation.
