Key Points

Some types of narcissism are more damaging to personal relationships.

Many people grow out of narcissism as they age.

In contrast to narcissism, self-esteem often includes social orientation.

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Most people know someone who is a narcissist—at least in a practical sense, though not necessarily in a clinical sense. Typically, this person is someone who respects themselves and puts themselves first, both personally and professionally, at the expense of others if necessary. However, as we age, beauty fades, physical prowess diminishes, and mental acuity declines. Healthy self-concepts may adapt accordingly.

Narcissism affects not only the individual but also the lives of those around them. Although many narcissists are outgoing, cheerful, and fun-loving, they also have difficulties in relationships, often stemming from some of the same traits that make them popular. If you love a narcissist as a family member, friend, or potential future partner, research has some positive news for you.

More Than a Number: The Effect of Age

Ulrich-Orth et al. (2024) examined the development of narcissism across the lifespan and studied changes in it over time.1 They described three models of narcissism. Instrumental narcissism is characterized by assertiveness and leadership, but also by a need for admiration, as well as feelings of grandiosity and superiority. As one might imagine, they found that instrumental narcissism leads to fewer interpersonal problems than the other two models. Hostile narcissism captures the unpleasant and antisocial aspects of narcissism, including traits such as deceit, callousness, arrogance, exploitation, entitlement, and low levels of empathy. Neurotic narcissism is characterized by hypersensitivity, emotional disturbance, and a tendency to feel shame.

Among other things, Orth et al. note that the three-factor model helps to understand the relationship between the characteristics of different types of narcissism and self-esteem, which has been described as including self-assessment of personal worth. They also note that self-esteem and narcissism are conceptually distinct because high self-esteem is often associated with pro-social attitudes and does not necessarily indicate feelings of personal superiority.

Examining data from 51 samples, including 37,247 participants, Orth et al. found that narcissism typically declined from age 8 to 77, with small differences due to the type of narcissism being experienced. They also discuss the concept of rank stability, which involves the stability of inter-individual differences in a structure across time. They note that rank stability for narcissism is high, even over long periods, suggesting that narcissism should be considered a personality trait.

Is the “Me” Generation Just a Myth?

Regarding popular ideas about whether narcissism is related to generational differences, Orth et al. found that the birth cohort did not moderate changes in the average level of narcissism factors. The average birth year in their sample ranged from 1923 to 2002, and the trajectory of narcissism did not change across generations, meaning that their findings fail to support the popular idea that the “Me Generation” (people born in the 1970s to 1990s) express more narcissism than in previous decades. However, Orth and others note that, as with some of their other findings, more research would be helpful here as well. The bottom line is that narcissism, even if viewed as a personality trait, can change—for the better. With age comes wisdom, acceptance of less-than-perfect traits, and a greater appreciation for others. With acceptance, love, support, and respect, narcissistic individuals can slowly but surely turn over a new leaf.