Are you dating a married man?
It can be an exciting, intense, and sometimes terrifying experience.
One moment you think he loves you, and the next you feel like he doesn’t care about you at all.
Here are the top signs that you’ll never be more than a distraction to a married man.
Beware of these disturbing signs.
14 Clear Signs a Married Man Is Using You
1) He Doesn’t Open Up to You at All
One of the worst clear signs that a married man is using you is that he remains a closed book.
Even if you’ve been seeing each other for months, he’s emotionally out of your reach.
He might make a casual comment about his life now and then.
Or tell you some basic details about his life.
But he’s somewhat off-limits to you when it comes to his thoughts, feelings, and private life.
He just shows up looking for a fun, intimate time with you and then pulls away shortly after.
Even when you spend time together for a longer period, you may find yourself thinking and realizing that you are the only one who opened up to him.
This kind of one-sided arrangement is not enough to satisfy anyone.
2) He only calls when he wants sex
The most blatant and annoying sign that a married man is using you is when he only calls you for sex.
He is very sweet when he gets what he wants.
But if you are not in the mood or are busy when he is having fun, suddenly his charm goes out.
He becomes cold towards you.
He may not return your calls for days, or he may give you a faint smile when you see him next.
These kinds of childish and toxic games are enough to drive anyone crazy and make you want to cut off contact completely.
The problem is that if you have developed feelings for him, you may find that this is much easier said than done.
Having sex with someone you care about and respect can be a wonderful experience, but it’s a whole different story when you realize that it’s all just a physical relationship for him.
3) He has no plans to leave his wife for you
Asking or expecting a married man to leave his wife for you usually ends in bitter disappointment.
This is very rare.
But that doesn’t mean a man can’t be seduced.
When he truly loves you and values your company, he’ll find it hard to turn you down for something more serious.
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That’s why one of the clear signs that a married man is using you is that he doesn’t even pretend to think about changing his life for you.
Every moment with him, it’s crystal clear that this is just a fling.
There’s not even a hint of temptation to turn his life upside down.
He’s put you in the right category.
You’re just a sidekick, and he’ll never think about making big changes to be with you.
That’s not exactly comforting to know, is it?
4) He uses you as an emotional vessel
In addition to using you as a physical vessel (yuck), a married man who is just using you will also take out his emotional load on you.
This may include constantly complaining and venting to you…
Crawling up to you when he’s down and expecting to be cared for and petted like a little seal pup…
Otherwise, he demands that you provide comfort, advice, and encouragement as he goes through life’s ups and downs.
This is reciprocal and rude behavior on his part if he never returns the favor.
If it’s reciprocal and you find the bond meaningful, that’s fair enough, but keep in mind that if it’s very one-sided, it’s usually intentional on his part.
He wants you by his side when he’s down, but when you’re down, he’s very distant.
5) He tricks you into sex and intimacy
There’s a surprise in the above points when a married man is only interested in sex and emotional comfort, but hints at something more and tricks you.
He can tell that you’re more attached to him than he is, so he feeds these cruel hopes as a way to get an endless supply of intimacy from you.
This is very ironic, and hopefully, you won’t experience it.
But keep in mind that some cheaters are very mysterious people, and can engage in some emotionally manipulative behavior.
I’m not saying that this is true for all married men who cheat, but it’s certainly a behavior that some of them engage in.
They’re using you in the hopes of getting something more, dropping hints that they “might” want that to one day…
But all they’re doing is hitting the snooze button.
Emotional manipulation is a common trait in narcissists, and if you’re dealing with a married man who does things like this, it’s best to walk away from him ASAP.
6) He Ignores What You Say
Another big, obvious sign that a married man is using you is that he ignores what you say.
He doesn’t remember, rarely makes eye contact, and usually shrugs, groans, or says things like “yeah, sure” and “sure” to whatever you say.
If he acts like this, he doesn’t care.
You can tell yourself that this is his strong, impulsive personality.
But in the vast majority of cases, this guy doesn’t care about you and is just using you as a form of fun.
If he doesn’t care about what you’re saying or isn’t paying attention, don’t make excuses.
He may have had a busy day, or he may have been stressed, or he may have had too many drinks.
But if he wants to listen, he will.
Harsh but true.
7) He often cancels your meetings at the last minute
Another glaring sign that a married man is using you is when he constantly cancels your meetings at the last minute.
He puts his wife and family before you, which is understandable.
But he also puts his work before you…
His friend’s birthday…
An exclusive sale at a store he loves, and it’s only one sale for today…
And anything else he needs to do right now, from an oil change to a haircut.
You come last, and you’re just an afterthought.
He doesn’t even try to hide it, although he may try to overstate the importance of what he’s canceling on you for.
Don’t accept that kind of excuse.
If he keeps you as a backup plan and cancels on you all the time, you have every right to object and tell him that this is not the way you allow yourself to be treated.
8) He keeps you a secret, even from his friends
If you’re dating a married man, it makes sense that he wants to keep it a secret.
If he hasn’t told his wife that you’re cheating on each other, he has every reason to make sure your time together stays quiet.
However, one clear sign that a married man is using you is that he’s completely obsessed with keeping you a secret.
He won’t introduce you even if his best friend video calls you while he’s with you, or he’ll deny knowing you if you have mutual friends.
If you work together, he may intentionally act like he doesn’t like you or has no idea who you are.
He may also avoid going out with you in public, eating in public, or going anywhere where someone who knows he’s a married man might see you.
He may spray tan, use makeup where his ring is, or do other weird things to hide that he’s married in case the hotel receptionist notices.
In short: He’s trying so hard to hide any connection to you that he’s almost embarrassed.
He may be embarrassed: about cheating, about you, or about getting caught.
But that’s a lot of embarrassment, and experiencing that kind of embarrassment can lead to a lot of problems.
9) He asks you for really big favors a lot
This can be true in several situations. It’s especially true when you’re talking about a married man you’re dating.
The reason is that as a married man, he’s not committed to you.
However, he still asks you for big favors quite often.
This may include:
- Financial loans
- Rides to get to certain places
- Advice on critical and time-sensitive issues
- Medical assistance or advice
- Help with grocery or groceries
- Help with moving, cleaning, or other tasks
If he has you in these roles, his services have become a bit overrated.
No matter how much you like him, think about the “balance of trade.”
Do you ask him for favors at all? If so, what is the approximate percentage?
10) He never makes you a priority, even once
As I mentioned earlier, one of the most obvious signs that a married man is using you is that he always puts you last.
It is important to note that this trend can happen slowly.
In the beginning, there may not be a real situation where you notice how he thinks about you or how much of a priority you are.
The times he declines to meet because he is busy or has something else to do are not something you take personally, and you move on.
But as you spend more time with this man and your feelings begin to develop, pay attention to where you fall in the priority order.
It is common for romantic feelings to sometimes blind us to objective facts.
Manipulators know this, which is why they often make excuses for their misbehavior that lovers accept.
If a married man is taking advantage of you, you’ll know because he never makes you a priority.
Even if you need urgent help or have an emergency, you’ll notice that he passes you off to someone else or asks you to call the authorities.
11) He’s sexually irresponsible and reckless at your expense
Another unfortunate and clear sign that a married man is taking advantage of you is that he’s sexually reckless.
What do I mean by this?
I mean that he doesn’t care about using protection, pays little attention to the precautions you may or may not be taking, and seems uninterested in discussing sexual safety.
You might suggest that this is dangerous for him too if he doesn’t know you well, and that’s true.
If a man isn’t interested in using birth control or getting pregnant, you have to wonder how many other women he’s been acting this way with.
At the same time, his lack of interest in your well-being shows that you are nothing more than a sex toy to him.
If he is not at all interested in sexual responsibility, then this is not a man you want to spend much time with unless he changes his ways drastically.
12) He openly checks and flirts with other women around you
Another clear sign that a married man is using you is that he checks out other women when he is with you.
More importantly, if he is cheating on you as well as his wife, this is further evidence that you mean little to him and he does not respect you very much.
However, it can be difficult to know if he is cheating on you as well.
For this reason, pay attention to his behavior when you meet or walk by other women.
If he is openly checking them out and measuring their curves with his eyes, then this man is not interested in you much except for what is under your underwear.
You can make all the excuses you want, but if he’s interested in getting to know you and appreciating you as a person, he won’t immediately get sidetracked by all the other attractive women he’s met.
13) He Expects You to Always Be Available
If you’re dating a married man, one thing is clear: he has a lot of limitations based on being married, especially if he has kids.
If you’re single, you should be more open to answering his calls and texts.
But that doesn’t mean you’re an all-you-can-eat buffet.
You still have commitments, you still have days when you’re not feeling your best, and you still have last-minute things and crises that come up and lead to cancellations.
That’s why it’s unreasonable for him to expect you to always be available.
If that’s the case, you need to make him reconsider the reality and realize that just because you’re short on time and availability, it doesn’t mean he can treat you like you’re ordering something from Uber Eats.
If you’re wondering whether or not you have a future with a married man, check out the signs below that show he won’t leave his wife for you.
14) He Withholds His Time and Attention If You’re Not Interested in Sex
Withholding sex to manipulate your partner is sad.
This happens in serious relationships and marriages, as well as in romantic relationships.
If you’re dating a married man who only uses you for sex and companionship, he’ll likely do this.
He’ll withhold his time and companionship if you don’t give him your body.
It’s disgusting and abusive, and it’s not hard to spot.
If you notice that this man withholds his availability when you’re not having sex, this is likely what’s going on.
He’s withholding his time and attention when you’re giving him physical affection.
If this is happening, you can be sure that you’re being used, disrespected, and held in low regard.
