Manipulation is often not only subtle, it can come in all shapes and sizes.
Sometimes someone uses flattery to try to exert power over you. Other times, they’ll trick you into believing their lies are the truth.
That’s why it’s important to be vigilant.
Here are 18 phrases that professional manipulators use to charm and trick you…
1) “I’ve never felt this way before”
Hearing that someone has never felt this way before can be music to your ears.
It instantly makes you feel special.
But for a professional manipulator, it can be part of the plan.
Giving you more appreciation is one way they sneak into your life.
But once they’ve secured their spot, they can quickly change their tune!
2) “I know it hasn’t been long, but I’ve completely fallen in love with you”
A whirlwind romance can sweep us off our feet. But we need to be careful about feelings that develop too quickly.
The truth is that while lust and even obsession can happen, love doesn’t happen overnight.
So when someone destroys you with prematurely sweet words, there’s a word for it:
Love bombing.
It’s important to keep your feet on the ground and remember that true feelings take time to develop.
3) “We’re perfect for each other”
If someone says this to you, they’re setting the scene for a harmonious relationship.
You probably think the same way, too, and it’s just an expression of mutual compatibility between you.
But maybe you’re not so sure.
If you’re having doubts and someone uses this phrase, it sounds like they’re trying to convince you.
4) “You know, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you”
Loyalty is something we all seek.
But the truth is that it also:
- Gains over time as feelings grow
- It has limits
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Healthy boundaries dictate that we won’t do “anything” for someone.
If someone uses a phrase like this, it’s almost like they’re trying to brainwash you.
It creates a sense of “us against the world.” They may be trying to win you over to gain your unwavering loyalty.
But be aware of exactly what they might expect in return.
5) “It was meant to happen”
It can sound incredibly romantic to suggest that your relationship is destiny or written in the stars.
Don’t we all want to believe that fate will lead us to the right person at the right time?
But there’s a danger in believing that your love is meant to happen. It can blind you to red flags and warning signs.
You may become so focused on the idea of your love winning that you put up with all sorts of bad behavior along the way.
6) “The course of true love is never smooth”
I’ve heard this phrase used time and time again to justify bad things in a relationship that no one should put up with.
Staying by your lover’s side isn’t proof that you love them, even when things are bad. It’s an indication that you have some serious issues.
Especially if this phrase comes early on, it can be used to convince you to stay when you should be running for the hills.
7) “I swear I won’t do it again”
People make mistakes. We know that no one is perfect.
But it’s always worth stopping and thinking when someone promises you that it won’t happen again.
First of all, how many times has he said it?
Because if it’s been more than once, it’s smart to doubt him.
Holding your hopes high for a better future is a classic tactic used by professional manipulators when they’re trying to fix things.
8) “I can change, just give me another chance”
Sadly, when we love someone, we want to believe them when they tell us so.
I believe that people can change, but even then, it doesn’t happen overnight.
And there are always circumstances where people simply don’t deserve another chance, regardless of whether they intend to change their ways.
For example, I had a friend whose abusive husband always apologized and felt remorse after his violence.
Fortunately, she was eventually able to break free from his narcissistic control over her.
He would beg her for “another chance” and try to make her feel guilty.
She held onto the hope that he wanted to change and be a better man for a very long time because of that.
9) “You know I didn’t mean it”
This is another phrase that professional manipulators throw at you to try to evade responsibility.
The hope is that they can convince you that the way they acted wasn’t real.
Whether you meant something or not, that doesn’t absolve you of your actions. Don’t let them try to convince you of that.
10) “I just did it because…”
The blame is entirely on them.
But wait, suddenly they’re blaming you.
How did that happen?
By trying to trick you into believing that “it takes two to dance,” you played a role in what they did.
But we can’t “force” anyone to act a certain way. You can’t and shouldn’t take the blame for their bad behavior.
11) “If you loved me, you would do this for me”
No.
Just. No.
Trying to bargain with your emotions to pressure you is 100% manipulation.
Let’s flip that phrase around because this is the real truth:
If they loved you, they wouldn’t ask you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
12) “If you loved me, you would accept me as I am”
This is a clever quote because it seems pretty reasonable on the surface.
We are always told that we should accept people as they are.
This means accepting everything for better or worse and accepting that we all have flaws.
But trying to change someone doesn’t necessarily mean having reasonable expectations of them.
If their behavior doesn’t live up to those expectations, don’t let them fool you into thinking that you should tolerate them.
13) “I got it all wrong”
You confront them in an awkward situation, but they protest that they’re not fooling you, they’re just “I got it all wrong.”
They’ve been constantly making fun of you lately and making snarky, belittling comments about you. But when you attack them, they insist that you misunderstand their intentions.
Maybe you got it all wrong, but maybe you didn’t.
In reality, you may be completely right, but they still try to deny it.
14) “You’re overdoing it”
This phrase becomes deceptive when it’s used to minimize completely valid feelings and reactions you may be having.
It’s specifically designed to make you feel like you’re the unreasonable one.
Like the following statements we’ll look at, this is the kind of thing a professional manipulator says when they want you to question your entire view of things.
15) “That’s not what happened”
This is called emotional manipulation.
It’s a form of psychological abuse where someone makes you question your sanity, your memories, or your perception of reality.
Instead of admitting something, the manipulator will do their best to convince you that you’re wrong.
This could be denying things that happened, or, as we’ll see later, things they said.
16) “I never said that”
You might think denying something you said would be hard.
After all, he said it, and you were both there to hear it. But it’s not that simple.
When you’re under the influence of a professional manipulator, you may feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust yourself.
If someone ignores your memories too often, it can make you start to doubt them.
17) “I think you’re imagining things”
One of the cruelest things a professional manipulator can do is try to play with your mind.
One of my ex-boyfriends who was cheating on me once said this to me.
I had a strong feeling that something wasn’t right. You could call it intuition, but I was picking up on the signs and signals.
However, when I tried to confront him, he chose deception and denial.
Instead of telling me the truth, he played it off as paranoia and an overactive imagination.
I finally found out when one of my friends caught him cheating on me in public. Or maybe it was just her imagination too?!
18) “You’re acting like a crazy person”
This isn’t just an insult, it’s a harmful manipulation tactic.
Here’s what they’re trying to do:
Portray you as unreasonable and even unbalanced. At the same time, they’re rational and fair.
This instantly invalidates all your feelings and reinforces theirs at the same time.
For women in particular, the label “crazy” has been used for centuries in an attempt to undermine their self-esteem and take away their power.
Sweet and sour words are still manipulative
This is one of the reasons we don’t always notice it when it happens. But people can try to get what they want using different methods.
That’s why, whether the statements sound loving or not, if you have doubts, don’t ignore them.
Take care of your instincts to call out professional manipulators before they set their hook on you.
