Narcissists want your life to revolve around them.
They want you to like them, to prioritize them, to become their sidekick, and most of all—to make them feel good about themselves.
One of the ways they guarantee this is to make you lose confidence in yourself.
You should do your best not to let this happen!
In this article, I will give you 11 phrases that a narcissist will use to get rid of your self-confidence (and what you can say again).
1) ” Definitely, if I say so…”
Said with a shrug and eyebrow raised, of course.
This translates to: “I’m sure it’s a bad idea but well go ahead and prove me wrong!”
If you come up with ideas and plans that they don’t agree with, it will make you doubt yourself by saying this line.
It’s their way of making you think that your plans are stupid. After all, they are sure that it will not be cool.
Pay close attention. Perhaps they have their reasons why they prevent you (or do not support you) from pursuing things.
What to say again:
“Well, no one can be 100% sure of anything but I owe it to myself to at least try.”
2) “Phew! You want to make your life complicated!”
Narcissists want to attack your self-confidence by attacking your personality-especially if you have evidence of your “failures”.
They will remind you that you are not the wisest and that you always put yourself in trouble.
They will point out how you made rash decisions because you don’t know how to “listen to them” (aka follow their orders).
It always works because daffodils know how to say it with great confidence that if you doubt yourself a little, you will stop and go ” Yeah, never mind. You’re right.”
What to say again:
“I know I’ve made some mistakes in the past, but everyone makes them. And while some of them have made my life complicated, I have to keep trying.”
3) “You don’t want to fail again, do you?”
This is similar to the above, but this bites a little more because it’s more direct.
Let’s say you want to date again and they want you to stay single for some reason, they’ll say “You don’t want a guy to use her again, do you?”
And if you want to find another job and they want you to stay, they’ll say something like “Are you sure? Because you have this style of jumping from one job to another!”
They will seem worried, but they are more worried about themselves.
Narks use this phrase when they are already desperate. That’s why if you hear this line, you need to ask yourself “Why aren’t they supporting me now?”
What to say again:
“I’d rather fail again than stay in the same place. Thanks for your interest.”
4) “Is all this just for that?!”
Let’s say you worked hard to achieve something like an article, a painting, or a website.
They will make sure that you will not feel satisfied with your achievements!
Sometimes, they will say it in a serious tone, but most of the time, they will make it seem like they are just joking, so it won’t be very obvious that they are playing with your self-esteem.
Deep down, your fire threatened only you realize what you are capable of and fly away from them.
What to say again:
“I am very happy with what I have done so far. I hope you will be happy for me too!”
5) “You are the best!”
This can make your heart melt if said in a real way. But with a touch of irony? Not so much!
This translates into: “You are not the best.”
NARX says this so you’ll start wondering “Am I the best?”And, of course, this will make you realize that you are not.
RELATED:10 signs you’re dealing with a master manipulator (according to psychology)
But the thing is that your goal was not to become the best, anyway. I just wanted to do something!
What to say again:
“Well, thank you. Honestly, I still don’t think I’m feeling well but I will be.”Wink
6) ” I have always been_________.”
If you make hasty decisions that they don’t like—for example, you want to accept a scholarship in Europe-they will say “Not so fast. I think it’s through. I was always impulsive.”
If you want to quit your day job and go full-time on your passion, they will say ” Are you sure? Well, I’ve always been happy, lucky, and impractical.”
They say it as if they really know you to the core and they are just trying to protect you from yourself.
Nah, nah. Usually, narcs do this so that you will not overtake them, and they will remain trapped in their claws.
What to say again:
“I know. And to be honest, I’m fine with who I am. The worst thing that can happen is that I’m back to zero and I’m fine with that.”
7) “You don’t think straight. You’re so emotional right now.”
This line is used by NARX to gaslight you and make you doubt how to handle situations.
Maybe you argue. And the moment you feel tears, they will use that to negate everything you say.
Or if you use your heart to make decisions, they will tell you that you are making stupid decisions because you are still sad, in love, or angry.
By saying that you are too emotional, they are saying that the things you do and say are invalid because you are not thinking with a clear mind.
What to say again:
“I may be emotional, but that doesn’t mean I can’t use my head. But if you prefer to discuss this again, for sure, let’s do it.”
8) “But what makes you so sure you’ll get it right this time?”
We can never be 100% sure of anything, and this can be scary if you think about it. Everything comes with risks and the possibility of failure.
But when this is uttered by your fire, it becomes ten times scary because they are very intimidating and convincing.
They say this so you will be under pressure to prove yourself. And that alone is exhausting to think about.
And if you already have low self-confidence, this may be what will convince you not to pursue the things you want.
What to say again:
“I just feel it!”
9) “Are you sure you’re not wasting your time?”
Even the most confident person will pause and think twice when asking this question.
Of course, we can never be sure if we are not wasting our time when we are pursuing something. We have to do it first to find out!
But NARX will make you feel like you’re already wasting time.
Because it’s not a question. It’s a statement that says “I’m sure you’re wasting your time.”
After that, it will make you worried and think that yes, you are wasting your precious time and should do something else.
What to say again:
“I’ll figure it out. The good thing is that I still have plenty of time to waste!”
10) “Are you facing some kind of crisis?”
When you talk with your fire, it sucks away all your joy.
Well, that’s if they don’t like your plans because they don’t benefit them in any way.
If you tell them you plan to marry your partner and travel the world, they will ask you “Are you sure you’re not having a midlife crisis?”
Or a quarter-life crisis or any existential crisis.
In this way, you will lose confidence in how you make decisions and postpone your plans.
What to say again:
“Oh, what a question. Of course not! Are you?”
11) “Since you don’t want my advice, you do it!”
Translation: “Don’t expect me to save you if you fail. I’ve already warned you that it’s a bad idea!”
And this can be especially scary if we depend on your fire—like if it’s your parents who are still supporting you financially.
They say this phrase mainly to ridicule you for having a “carefree” attitude.
Why?:
Because they want you to always consider them when making decisions!
What to say again:
“Aw, don’t say that. I will go to you for advice when I need it. For now, I have to do this to find out what’s out there.”
How to protect yourself from a narcissist
- Study the potential narcs in your life so you’ll know the words that you should not take too seriously.
- When you hear the lines above, think “What do they want me to do?”
- Read more about narcissistic behaviors.
- Do things that can boost your self-confidence Daily.
- Stay away from the narcissist when you make important decisions and explore new things.
- Don’t get involved too much. If they say the above phrases, do not try to change their mind or take a defensive position. Just answer them quickly and then talk about something else.
- Do not make it a goal to prove the narcissist wrong. You will never win. The only person you should try to convince IS yourself.
The last words
Narcissists are very cunning.
You may think that their words are” nothing but words, ” but words are one of their best tools for influencing the way you think and behave.
So whenever they say something-especially if they’re trying to attack your self-confidence let their words get in one ear and out the other.
They can’t influence you if you don’t let them.
