Most of us never see this coming. Especially when people are in love, they immediately turn a blind eye to anything that might jeopardize their happiness – call it conscious denial.

Unfortunately, we only realize what has happened to us when the damage has already been done.

Then suddenly, something opens our eyes, and all the things we’ve experienced suddenly seem terrible.

The truth is, it was always terrible, but we chose to make it beautiful. This is what happens when emotional abuse creeps up on you. You never see it coming. Only you feel the consequences.

How can your mind be prepared to deal with something you thought had happened suddenly?

I know this is impossible.

Then you face one of the biggest challenges of your life: healing.

First, you look back, and you keep asking yourself how you could put up with all the bullshit he gave you. You won’t believe what he did and how you reacted.

You can’t believe how many things I’ve found an excuse for. From where you stand now, it’s ridiculous and very sad at the same time.

But there is an important lesson I learned. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. You can’t force someone to love you by loving them too.

This is a lesson that each of you needs to learn if you are dating (and perhaps suspect) a narcissist in disguise.

It’s just me, and no one else

He only cares about himself. There is no sentence that does not contain the letter “I” in it. You’ll notice when you’re out with your friends that everything he talks about is the same.

The whole conversation revolves around him. Even if someone starts talking about something else, they will use that to refocus on themselves.

It’s his way or the highway

He never takes other people’s opinions into consideration. When he decides something, it has to be his way.

It’s as if you don’t exist in his world. You can talk and beg. He won’t give you the time of his day.

Manipulating you

He knows your every move. He knows your every reaction. Because of this, he can manipulate and control you into doing exactly what he wants you to do.

At the end of the day, you will feel like you did what he wanted willingly. That’s how good a manipulator is.

And that’s not the worst part. No, the worst part is that he enjoys seeing you dance to the music he plays.

He is proud to have a cute, well-behaved doll who will do exactly what he likes.

He has double standards

When it comes to your life, there are more rules than anyone can imagine.

You have to take your steps in life carefully, making sure you don’t make the wrong move (according to him).

But when it comes down to it, different rules apply. All the things you’re not allowed to do, he is.

When he makes a mistake you will be punished for it, it is not a big deal.

The opinions of others matter a lot to him

He cares deeply about his reputation. He always talked about himself because he had to be the most cheerful, kindest person I’d ever met.

Related : How to Tell if a Narcissist Is Lying: 8 Signs

He wouldn’t stop until he aroused this feeling in someone new he met.

If talking about himself means putting someone else down, he’ll still do it because he doesn’t care who he has to trample over to seem the best.

You’re the only one to blame

The blame game was his favorite. It wasn’t his fault for anything. If you’re in bad shape, it’s because you did it to yourself. It was never him.

He is the angel and you are the devil. He’s probably called you “evil” and “manipulative” multiple times even though you both know he’s the villain, not you.

He is the best one out there

He’s always bragging about how he’s the best, and how he does everything better than anyone else.

If you ask him, he is the master of the universe. He will admit it without any shame.

You know how people who have really accomplished something never brag about it. They keep it to themselves, and only if you insist on telling you will they do it.

Well, you will never have to ask him anything, he will brag about everything without any initiative.

Feeds on negativity

Whenever he feels positive energy, he will get as close to you as possible to drain it completely. In those moments he even pretends that he really loves you. He pretends to want to make you happy.

So, naturally, after every conversation with him, you feel emotionally drained.

Your positive energy has been absorbed, and all you have left is negative energy.

He has a dual personality

When you are out with other people, he is very charming and positive. Everyone who has a chance to talk to him instantly likes him. It’s a peach.

But, when just the two of you are left alone, his personality changes. He becomes dark and cruel without any sympathy or respect for you.

Can’t handle criticism

He’s a pro when it comes to criticizing others, especially you. He acts like he knows everything, and pretends he really wants to help you.

When the situation is different, other than the fact that you really want to help him while he’s pretending to, he won’t listen.

He won’t take your advice because he truly believes he’s perfect the way he is.

It’s full of excuses

He expects you to drop everything when he needs you, but when you need him, he always has something better to do.

He always has an excuse for not doing something you want.

He’s a drama queen

Nothing is simple with him in your life. Maybe you sometimes ask yourself if you are in a Spanish TV series because all the situations are very similar.

There’s a lot of drama going on.

Needs constant verification

Narcissists need to prove themselves, especially to people who doubt them.

This is something that constantly bothers them, and almost all they do is prove to everyone around them that they are perfect, and that they have succeeded in life.

What he does is not because he wants to become a better man. Not because he wants to prove to himself that he can do it, but because he wants to show off to everyone how great he is.

Perfection is the only way

He won’t stop until he gets what he wants, the way he wants it. So, nothing is good enough until it’s perfect.

This is a very bad personality trait, and it’s a trait of narcissists because seeking perfection means getting what you want at any cost – even if it means running over people, they don’t care.

They will do whatever it takes.

He doesn’t understand empathy

You may have tried to talk to him about something that upset you. Maybe you didn’t get anything in return.

Your misery and suffering mean nothing to him, because they do not concern him and do not affect him directly.

He understands empathy only when something is in play with him. When someone else suffers, he doesn’t care.

It will even bring up the conversation you are having with him again to become a topic to talk about.

He has a defense mechanism

Believe it or not, there’s a reason why all narcissists are evil and cold. There must have been a motive that made them this way, perhaps when they were still young.

Related : 6 Emphatic Traits That Make You Irresistible To A Narcissist

The narcissist will run away if you can accidentally get over him and understand why he behaves the way he does.

They have huge emotional walls built around themselves, and they won’t tear them down for anyone.

They have learned that weakness is a sign of weakness that they cannot let anyone see.

He breaks you and fixes you immediately afterwards

It’s like his hobby. In the normal world, the person who caused you pain, the person who broke you, is not allowed back into your life.

This person has no right to help you heal because they are the reason you are healing.

The logical thing to do is to stay away from this person and deal with the things that are happening to you.

Well, that’s not the case when you’re with a narcissist. The narcissist will break you and then come back and comfort you.

You’ll be confused, but at the time you’re broken, consolation is all you need, so naturally you take what you can get. This is the game he plays.