I had no idea my ex was a narcissist, not until we got divorced.

I would hear women mention narcissism, mind games, manipulation, and emotional abuse, and the sad thing is, I had no idea what was happening to me too.

I probably didn’t even want to admit it to myself at the time.

The point is, throughout my entire relationship, and my entire marriage with my narcissistic ex-husband, I felt like I was the crazy one.

I felt like every problem was on me and that I was the source of our problems. Then our marriage fell apart because I couldn’t take it any longer.

I had given up on trying to fix things, on walking on eggshells when I was around him.

I had given up pretending that I wasn’t just going to make him happy, so what happened to my happiness in that story?

What about my feelings?

I thought I should have a say in all of this because ultimately, it was my life that was at stake. Unfortunately, he never cared about what I wanted, nor did he lift a finger to help or even show interest in my life.

He never stopped and asked me why I had mascara on my eyes if I was crying. And he didn’t care.

I have never met a more cunning or cunning person in my entire life.

He was crushing everything and everyone just to get what he wanted and what he needed, and that thing was a complete and total emotional mess.

He needed his narcissistic supply and he knew how to get it – through me. I was going through emotional hell, and the worst part was that no one believed me.

No one could even try to imagine that my ex-husband, a narcissist masquerading as a good and honest man, would possibly be capable of doing anything harmful to anyone.

His story was bulletproof and his behavior never suggested anything was wrong with him.

He had a charming story and so much confidence it was crazy for anyone to suspect him of being a narcissistic piece.

So imagine my suffering and emotional pain during our divorce. Imagine what it would be like to fight someone who lies to everyone, and worse yet, everyone believes him.

Imagine what it’s like to fight the world alone and you’re the only one who knows the real truth but no one believes you.

Fortunately, he couldn’t keep up his act for long. I was smarter than him and more determined.

After he started ignoring me, after I made myself as dull as a rock, he lost interest in me.

That’s when I finally found my peace. He gave up torturing me and my children and moved on to the next victim.

He had to move on because I was no longer his narcissistic source and he couldn’t live without his. So he quickly left to find him somewhere else.

I’m not saying his fight was easy because it wasn’t. It was the hardest battle of my life because I had to stay sane for the sake of my children.

I had to fight his sneaky little games and gaslighting to keep me and my kids away from him.

He even managed to turn them against me. He even succeeded in turning my family against me. It didn’t last long but it hurt like hell.

I felt like the whole world had turned against me. Over time, they all saw who he was now that his mind games no longer affected me.

This frustrated him. He was losing it so he flipped out and accidentally showed his true face.

There is a way to endure the evil anyone can throw your way. It takes patience, strength, and surviving a lot of pain.

You will feel neglected and abandoned, with no reason to live your life this way.

And know that all of this is just a phase that will pass if you do some things right:

Lawyer above

Do whatever it takes. Ask several opinions and choose the one you think is best for your situation.

Remember to keep this out of sight of the narcissist.

If he finds out that you are looking for a lawyer and that you are going without his knowledge, he will come back to you and play one of his mind games on you, like love bombing or stalking.

Be smart about this, take this action discreetly, and be prepared for every possible scenario because, in a fight with a narcissist, the gloves come off.

Do not negotiate and do not settle

It is in the narcissist’s interest to prolong the process.

This means he has more time to manipulate you into accepting his version of the truth that he already believes.

Narcissists believe what they say. They don’t even question their ideas or claims.

Whatever you make a deal on, the narcissist will never be able to complete it.

They’ll do part of what they’re supposed to do, and then try to convince you to change what they don’t like. It’s all part of their game to disrupt things.

They will never consider compromise as a potential solution to your problem and will always try to manipulate you into backing down until things end their way.

So, do not fall for this trick, and never try to settle down out of sympathy for your narcissistic ex. He cannot feel empathy and does not care about you or your children.

The only person he cares about is himself.

Collect all important papers

Make sure you are the one who has all the necessary papers for the divorce. Get birth certificates, copies of bills, your marriage license, and anything else you need.

If you put yourself in a situation where you need something from a narcissist, you can count on them not giving it to you.

He’ll lie and say he doesn’t have it, or that he’s working on it, or he’ll simply say, “No,” with some lame excuse.

Be crafty

Remember, you are playing against a narcissist and you have to be just as deceptive as him.

You have to play hard and lower yourself to his level because if you choose an honest way to try to win the fight, you will lose.

So, I strongly suggest you use everything you have against him.

Remember, the narcissist can present himself as perfect through a series of deceptive actions.

The judge will likely buy his story. Don’t let this happen and use all possible means to prevent it.

Stay grounded and don’t fall into the traps

Stop communicating with your narcissistic ex. He’s deceitful enough to use all your frustrations against you, and in fact, he’s counting on it.

That’s why he will provoke you and deliberately make you angry so that you will feel tempted to say a lot of ugly things via text or calls.

Don’t fall into the trap of this manipulation and try to suppress your anger or direct it elsewhere.

Never break the no-contact rule with a narcissist. If you do, he will make sure you pay for everything you did or didn’t do to him.

Related: People who are controlling in their relationship usually display these 9 manipulative tactics

Surround yourself with people who care about you

You can use any emotional support you can get. Go see your family and friends before he does.

Confess everything and talk to them about what kind of monster he is.

Don’t feel embarrassed, in the end, people who truly love you will never judge you. They will help you because you deserve it.

Sometimes, you will need someone to talk to because being alone in this kind of situation can easily mess with your mind.

Make sure your children get the help they need

Children are usually passive victims in such situations, especially when the father is a narcissist. He will stop at nothing.

The fact that he hurts his children means nothing to him because like I said before, people like him only care about themselves.

Hire a counselor to help your children deal with the situation; Even though you think they’re okay because they’re not talking about the divorce, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s true.

They are probably bottling up their feelings and need someone to help them deal with them.

Harassment will not stop after divorce

He won’t stop manipulating you after the divorce. Just in case, make sure you do everything to make yourself the least interesting person alive.

Never fall into traps, like when he asks you about your day and you answer politely, giving him details he can use against you.

Keep your personal life away from him. Only talk about necessary things, things related to your children.

Never reveal what you’re up to or how you feel.

Set firm boundaries and never make exceptions. If you give it a nudge, it will attack you and try to get more each time.

Make sure he knows your limits as they are, with no possibility of change. You can only do this if you stay consistent with your decisions.

It is possible that he will try to turn your children against you after the divorce, but do not worry.

I know it is very difficult to listen to lies and false accusations, especially when your children are involved.

Stay strong and support your children no matter what. They will realize the truth sooner or later.

Divorcing a narcissist will be the “fight of your life” but you will get through it.

Just remember that there is no way to get along with a narcissist, so don’t even try. Plan your main goal and achieve it at any cost.