We all come across people in our lives, but while we’d like to think they’re all honest and kind, the reality is that some of them have ulterior motives.
The truth is, it can be difficult to know if someone is truly honest or if their intentions are selfish. How can you tell the difference and protect yourself?
Today, I’m going to share 7 behaviors that typically indicate that someone is trying to take advantage of you for their gain.
If these behaviors ring true, it may be time to reevaluate some of your relationships.
1) They’re Always Taking and Rarely Giving
One of the most obvious signs that someone is using you for their gain is a glaring imbalance in the give-and-take ratio in your relationship.
You may find that this person is always receiving favors, support, or resources but is rarely available or willing to reciprocate when you need them.
They may easily disappear or become busy when you ask for help, only to reappear when they need something from you again.
This one-sided pattern can be exhausting and can make you feel like a resource rather than a valued friend or partner.
If this behavior sounds familiar, it’s worth considering whether this person truly values your relationship, or if they’re just taking advantage of your kindness for their benefit.
Which brings me to my next point…
2) They Disappear When You Need Them
One clear sign that someone may be using you is if they’re absent during your times of need.
They’re readily available when they need something from you, but they can’t be found when you’re in need. They may make excuses, or worse, ignore your pleas for help altogether.
Real relationships are built on mutual support. If someone consistently disappears when you need them, it could indicate that they’re in the relationship solely to serve their interests, rather than to provide mutual support and friendship.
I know this is annoying, but think of it this way – it makes the task of keeping fake people out of your circle a lot easier.
3) They Overdo the Compliments
It may seem counterintuitive, but excessive flattery can sometimes be a warning sign.
You may find this person showering you with compliments constantly, making you feel special and appreciated.
However, if these compliments seem superficial or are often followed by requests for favors, it could indicate ulterior motives.
They may use compliments as a tool to lower your defenses and make you more receptive to their requests.
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While genuine compliments are a healthy part of any relationship, it’s important to distinguish whether they’re genuine or a manipulative tactic.
If the compliments feel forced, excessive, or insincere, it could be a sign that this person is using you for personal gain.
4) They Constantly Steer the Conversation
Another behavior that could indicate that someone is taking advantage of you is their tendency to manipulate conversations.
You may notice that your interactions with this person often revolve around their interests, problems, or accomplishments.
They may subtly direct conversations toward themselves or reject topics that don’t directly benefit them.
Real relationships involve a mutual exchange of thoughts and feelings. Listen to how you feel — do you feel unheard? Do you feel insulted? Are you constantly sidelined in conversations?
If so, it’s worth examining why you feel this way.
5) They exhibit inconsistent behavior
Now, let me ask you another question: Is this person’s behavior inconsistent? Like one time they listen well and care, and then the next time… they don’t care?
Be careful — inconsistency is a red flag.
I once had a friend like this, and it took me a while to realize that she wasn’t as good a friend as I thought she was. She was very kind and caring when she needed my help, and then, she was distant and indifferent.
At first, I put it down to a busy schedule. Maybe she was too busy or overwhelmed, or maybe she had too much to do right now…
But over time, I could no longer ignore or deny the seed of doubt in my heart—that little voice that told me, “She’s cute now because she needs a favor again…”
This inconsistent behavior can be annoying and confusing. It’s a common tactic used by those who view relationships as transactions, not meaningful connections.
6) They ignore your boundaries
Respecting personal boundaries is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
You may find that this person tends to cross the lines you’ve drawn, whether it’s by borrowing money without paying it back or wasting your time without considering your schedule.
They may dismiss your concerns with excuses or even turn things around on you, making you feel guilty for setting boundaries in the first place.
Well, this is a pretty good sign that someone isn’t being completely honest.
This blatant disregard for your boundaries is not just disrespectful, it’s a clear sign that they’re putting their own needs ahead of yours.
A true, loyal friend would never do that.
7) They’re Always in Crisis
It may seem strange, but having someone in a constant state of crisis can be a warning sign.
You may find that this person always seems to be in a crisis. They may regularly need your help, advice, or resources to get through their latest predicament.
Of course, it’s natural to support friends and loved ones during tough times, but the constant cycle of crises can be a manipulative tactic.
They may exploit their problems to keep you engaged and sympathetic, making it easier for them to use your time, energy, or resources for their benefit.
If you find yourself constantly bailing them out of their latest disaster, it may be time to reconsider whether they’re in genuine need or whether they’re using their crises to exploit your goodwill.
Understanding the Dynamics
Realizing that someone may be using you for personal gain can be a difficult and emotionally draining process. It can often be difficult to accept that someone we care about might be taking advantage of our kindness or generosity for their benefit.
However, understanding the dynamics at play can enable us to make informed decisions about our relationships.
First, it’s important to remember that everyone has moments of neediness or selfishness. The behaviors discussed above become problematic when they are consistent, unchanging patterns, rather than occasional lapses.
It’s also important to acknowledge our role in these dynamics. Sometimes, our desire to be liked or our fear of conflict can make us vulnerable to such behavior.
We may ignore early warning signs or make excuses for the person’s actions so as not to rock the boat. In these cases, it’s important to practice assertiveness and learn how to set firm boundaries.
Furthermore, it’s worth noting that people who take advantage of others often do so unconsciously. They may have learned these behaviors in previous relationships or in environments where manipulation was normal.
Of course, this doesn’t excuse their actions, but it can provide some context for understanding them.
However, remember that you deserve relationships built on mutual respect and reciprocity. If you suspect that someone is using you for their gain, consider having an open conversation about your concerns.
If they ignore your feelings or continue their behavior despite your conversation, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.
You have every right to distance yourself from relationships that drain you more than they lift you.
