Marrying a narcissistic husband is living half a life. Your body keeps moving, but your mind and heart are gradually dying inside you. It was a surprise to me that God did not want me to die. Some may think that this title is scandalous. Some believe that God will never condone a spouse leaving. I know that my fear of divorce kept me from escaping a narcissistic husband for over ten years. I believe that God has prioritized the institution of marriage over the safety of my children and I did not respect Him as a father. He is a good and good father. We should fear God more than we fear divorce.

Now, nineteen years after that disaster, my only regret is not leaving sooner. I lived in a lot of denial for years. One has to cultivate denial to survive, let alone survive, in a marriage that was as abusive as mine. It never occurred to me how bad it was until, ten years later, I revealed the details of the torment to my advisor. The look of horror and sadness on her face showed me how far my first marriage had deviated from normal. The names my narcissistic husband called me, the many insults, control, and degradation; I didn’t tell anyone about these things until a decade later. I’m not the only one who finds it difficult to talk about intimate terrorism.
God Almighty saves (even from a narcissistic husband)

But this story is about how God intervened and saved me and my four daughters from a man who dedicated himself daily to destroying us. I spent a year committed to praying for my narcissistic husband. I prayed for him day and night. I knew there was something seriously wrong with him, but I didn’t understand what a narcissist was. I recently read the book Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud. Most people know him from his book “Boundaries”. He talked about how we cannot hold ourselves responsible for the happiness of others. I realized that I and my ex held me alone responsible for his happiness. Naturally, I was doomed to failure.

Related : Five Reasons Why Women Stay with Narcissists

But the Lord strengthened me during this time of prayer. All the spiritual books I read were guides. The more I released my fear of my narcissistic husband and the more I relied on God to meet my emotional needs, the stronger I became. John could see the difference, and the change made his behavior worse. I fully believe he was resisting the condemnation of the Holy Spirit. When I caught him burning his Bible in the trash, I knew he was quickly reaching the point of no return. He burned a lot of my and my daughter’s things. It was an obsession with him.

I’ve run away twice before with my daughters. And every time, he made an elaborate flirtation to get me back. Appointments and phone calls that lasted for hours. Things would be barely bearable for a month or two, and then the moodiness and abuse would resurface. The narcissist cannot maintain change for longer than a few months. After he got me back, the next stage would be punishment

It was late March 2000, and I came home from work (he had never held a job our entire marriage) to find that my narcissistic husband had gotten rid of all my seedlings. I’ve been nurturing them until I can plant them after the last frost. I had a large and fruitful garden. Every little bud has disappeared. At that moment, the Lord said with such clarity as I had never heard before in my spirit,

“Whatever you sow, he will root up,” God spoke to my heart.

Feeling a bit shocked, I ran upstairs to my little prayer closet. I felt the Lord physically freeing me from my marriage. He asked me to leave, and my mind was barely able to contain the information. I have held on to the idea of ​​marriage for a long time at any cost. But God had different plans, thank God.
God does not shame victims of abuse

The issue of shame remained. I said: Oh Lord, if you divorce him, you have failed. “I will be divorced.”

“John 8:11,” the Lord told me. I didn’t know what the verse was, so I opened my Bible. It said: “And I do not condemn you.” This verse ends with the story of the woman who was stoned for adultery. God did not shame her. Honestly, I’ve never felt embarrassed since my divorce. Some people have judged me, but the Lord has freed me from any shame because of it. This in itself is a miracle because, for a long time, I feared divorce more than God or my destruction. One word from the Lord overthrew what was an idol.

He is above marriage.

Even then, I was worried about what would happen to John. Although I did not understand the nature of mental illness at the time, I knew the narcissistic husband was very sick in his mind and spirit. Soul bonds are strong after ten years of marriage. Immediately the words “2 Timothy 3:5” appeared on my mind screen. I turned to that verse, and all I could see were the words, “Let these men go.”

Now I understand that no contact is the only safe contact with a narcissistic spouse. But all I understood then was that the Lord wanted me to have nothing to do with John or his very wealthy father with whom he was involved. At that moment I decided to leave. She left during the week. The difference this time was that I didn’t run away in fear. I left under the guidance and blessing of the Holy Spirit. And this time, John didn’t come after me.

With God’s help, escaping from the narcissist has become possible

I worked at a small Baptist university. They kindly presented me with a check for $200. I pulled out a credit card, and the girls and I chose an unabashedly feminine sofa. Together, my four daughters and I built a modest house that felt like home for the first time in years. On our first night in our tiny rental house in Kentucky, my oldest daughter and I sat around the table and looked at each other. We knew what the other was thinking. We don’t have to lie anymore to survive. We didn’t have to live in fear that a narcissist could take control of his family.

Suddenly, the possibilities opened up. The whole world seemed new. This time, my father, who had researched domestic violence, came out. He stayed until he knew I wouldn’t be coming back. That blessing alone gave me the strength to face the rest of my family.

I lived as a single mother for about five years before I got married again. Naturally, difficulties arose. However, the Lord has been faithful in meeting my needs. He must be close to the widow (or divorced woman). I did not regret the marriage at all. Mourning the narcissist in this case would be like mourning my jailer. My mourning came during the marriage, as my hopes for love and connection in that relationship died. But that first night, the Lord turned my attention to the book of Joel.

He said to me: “I will reward you.” “I will compensate you for the years that the locusts have eaten.”