If you’ve ever encountered a humble manipulator, you know how subtle and confusing their tactics can be.
Manipulators, in a classic move, often resort to some deceptive phrases that can make you doubt yourself.
It’s a confusing experience for sure.
But don’t worry, there are ways to recognize when you’re being manipulated. Understanding these deceptive phrases and the psychology behind them can be the first step towards that.
So, without further ado, let’s dive in.
1) “I never said that.”
This is a classic phrase used by humble manipulators and is often referred to as gaslighting.
A manipulator will deny that they said something, even if you clearly remember them saying it. It’s a psychological trick that can make you question your memory and perception.
Let’s say you’re disagreeing with someone, and they say something that upsets you. When you bring it up later, they simply dismiss it and say, “I never said that.” This can leave you feeling confused and doubtful about your memory.
Understand that this isn’t just forgetting or misunderstanding. It’s a deliberate tactic used to control and confuse.
Manipulators love to use this phrase because it allows them to rewrite history according to their perspective. It helps them avoid accountability for their words or actions, and it can make you feel guilty for falsely accusing them.
Dealing with this can be challenging, but remembering that it’s a manipulative tactic is the first step toward regaining control.
Trust your memories and perceptions, and don’t let anyone else replace them.
2) “You’re too sensitive.”
Contrary to what you might expect, this phrase isn’t a comment on your emotional state. Instead, it’s a manipulative tactic to deflect blame and make you question your feelings.
Imagine that you’re upset about something someone did and you express your feelings. Instead of addressing the issue, the manipulator labels you as “too sensitive.”
This implies that the problem isn’t with their behavior but with your reaction to it.
Essentially, they’re shifting the focus from what they did wrong to how you misperceived their actions. It’s a clever way to avoid responsibility and keep you on the defensive.
Your feelings are valid. Calling yourself “too sensitive” is often just a manipulator’s way of maintaining control. Hold on to your feelings and don’t let anyone diminish them.
3) “I was just kidding.”
This phrase is a common tool in a manipulator’s toolbox. It allows them to say something hurtful or inappropriate and then avoid the consequences by claiming it was just a joke.
When you express your hurt, they quickly respond with, “I was just kidding.” Not only does this dismiss your feelings, but it also suggests that you lack a sense of humor by not finding it funny.
Humor is a complex social function that serves many purposes, including bonding, expressing taboo ideas, and, yes, manipulation.
Jokes can often be used to express truths in a socially acceptable way. So when someone uses the phrase “I was just kidding” to dismiss your hurt feelings, they’re likely trying to evade their abusive behavior.
Remember, if a joke hurts, it’s no longer a joke. And you have every right to criticize them.
4) “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
At first glance, this may seem like an apology. But look closely, and you’ll see that it’s not about expressing remorse for their actions but about your feelings in response to those actions.
By using this phrase, they’re subtly flipping the tables. Instead of taking responsibility for what they did, they’re making it about how you responded. It’s a way to shift the blame onto yourself without making it seem like you’re doing it.
You deserve to be heard and understood. Your feelings matter, and a sincere apology should acknowledge the other person’s actions, not just your response to them.
5) “Don’t you trust me?”
We’ve all heard this question before. It’s a question that can lead us to doubt ourselves. When a manipulator asks, “Don’t you trust me?” they’re essentially putting you in a lose-lose position.
If you say no, it puts a strain on the relationship and makes you look like the bad guy. If you say yes, it’s ignoring your doubts and potentially enabling their manipulative behavior.
This phrase is designed to make you question your instincts and ignore their questionable actions. It’s a way to avoid responsibility and make you feel guilty at the same time.
Always remember that trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you feel like something is off, it’s okay to voice your concerns and stand your ground. You’re not wrong for wanting honesty in your relationships.
6) “It never happened.”
This phrase is a manipulator’s trump card. It’s another form of manipulation where they deny that an event or conversation ever happened, making you question your sanity.
I remember being in a situation where a friend borrowed a large sum of money and promised to pay it back by a certain date. When that date came and went without repayment, I brought it up.
What was their response?
“That never happened. I never borrowed money from you.”
This blatant denial of reality was shocking. It was an attempt to rewrite history and evade responsibility.
Always trust your memory and stick to the truth. If necessary, have tangible evidence of events to counter such deceptive tactics.
7) “If you loved me, you would…”
Let’s get this straight: love isn’t bending over backward to meet someone’s every demand; it isn’t losing yourself or compromising your values; and it certainly isn’t proving your affection by doing things that make you uncomfortable.
This is a manipulator’s way of playing with your emotions to get what they want. It’s a powerful statement that can make you question your feelings and your commitments.
It’s a manipulative tactic designed to guilt you into compliance. It’s about control, not love.
True love respects boundaries and values mutual understanding over selfish demands. Your worth is not determined by what you are willing to do for another person, but by how you maintain your self-esteem and values.
8) “You’re overreacting.”
This is perhaps the most damaging statement of all. It’s a manipulator’s way of belittling your feelings and making you feel like your reactions are irrational.
Manipulators use this statement to undermine your self-esteem, making it easier for them to control you. But don’t let them.
Your feelings are valid. No one else has the right to decide how you should react or feel about a situation. You have the right to express your feelings, and expressing them doesn’t mean you’re overreacting.
Trust your instincts and emotions. They are your compass, guiding you throughout life.
If someone is constantly making you doubt them, it’s time to reconsider the relationship. You deserve respect, understanding, and honesty—never forget that.
Final Thoughts
There’s a lot to digest here, but it’s important to remember that understanding these deceptive phrases doesn’t just identify manipulators—it empowers us.
We hope this article has given you the tools to recognize manipulation when it happens and stand up for yourself. But ultimately, it’s up to you to use them.
Your feelings, perceptions, and experiences are valid and should be respected. Don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
Being aware of these tactics is a step toward healthier relationships. Now you’re equipped to spot these phrases and understand their true meaning.
