Dating an emotionally immature man is like walking barefoot on hot coals…
Not only does it hurt while you’re doing it, the pain you feel is sometimes worse.
Men with little to no emotional intelligence will hurt you and scar you for life.
It can take years to recover from a relationship with a man who doesn’t understand his feelings and, therefore, also has low empathy.
The moment you realize you’re dealing with a man like this, walk away!
“But how would I know,” you ask?
Emotionally immature men often say things that give them away.
The first is…
1) “You’re too sensitive”
Emotional validation is incredibly important in relationships. But when a man uses this phrase, he’s doing the exact opposite.
This is a classic sign of psychological manipulation—a psychological tactic used to make someone question their feelings and perceptions.
Men who can’t or won’t acknowledge their feelings and yours often say this.
Usually, this is to avoid responsibility for anything they did that contributed to how you feel or simply to invalidate your feelings because they don’t agree with you.
So, instead of addressing the content of your concerns, he shifts the focus to you and suggests that the problem isn’t with the situation but with your reaction to it.
An emotionally intelligent man might explain that he didn’t mean to make you feel the way you do and also be willing to understand your perspective.
He’ll want to talk about the situation rather than dismiss your feelings.
2) “I hate drama”
In addition to saying that you’re being overly sensitive, an emotionally immature man might add that he thinks you’re overreacting and that he hates drama
Ironically, he might be the one creating it…
Now, wait.
It’s perfectly reasonable to want to avoid conflict. No one enjoys unnecessary drama.
But when a man constantly uses this phrase to avoid legitimate and necessary discussions, that’s problematic.
It’s normal for relationships to go through ups and downs.
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Describing any emotional expression or confrontation as “drama” minimizes the other person’s concerns and discourages open communication.
If a man uses this phrase often, especially when things get heated, it’s a sign of emotional avoidance.
Emotionally mature men may also get annoyed when there’s always drama for drama’s sake, but usually, instead of shutting you down, he’ll always try to resolve the conflict, especially if the relationship is important to him.
3) “If you loved me, you would…”
Simply put, this phrase is blackmail.
And emotionally immature men love to use it.
It’s one of the ways they try to control or influence your actions because they hate compromise.
You see, when a man is emotionally immature, he refuses to accept that you think and act differently. His way will be the only way that matters.
He’ll use phrases like this to suggest that you won’t be able to prove your love to him unless you think the way he thinks or do something specific.
Using love as leverage puts the health of relationships at risk.
According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist who specializes in marriage stability and relationship analysis, emotional blackmail can lead to resentment and is classified as emotional abuse.
Emotionally mature men will understand that you are an individual and will try to find a compromise that respects both of your needs.
4) “Whatever it is, it’s not a big deal”
In addition to signaling a dismissive attitude, when men use this phrase in conversations where feelings and concerns are expressed, it shows that they do not have the emotional maturity to deal with issues that require emotional depth or consequences.
Usually, it’s a defense mechanism.
Emotionally immature men try to avoid confronting issues that make them uncomfortable.
So, by downplaying what they are facing to “it’s not a big deal,” they avoid the need to engage emotionally, or in other words, they don’t challenge their emotional comfort zones.
5) “Stop thinking about everything so much”
This remark is another form of emotional invalidation.
Men often say this when they prefer to keep things superficial.
Some may claim that they just want you to relax or worry less, but if you hear this too often, your man may be too emotionally immature to handle the complexities of your thoughts.
An emotionally intelligent man may admit that he doesn’t understand why you’re so anxious about something but would like you to explain more so he can help you resolve the issue.
6) “Just calm down”
According to psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman (known for his work on emotional intelligence), emotionally mature people can recognize other people’s emotions and respond appropriately to them.
This statement?
Well, this doesn’t seem like an appropriate response to me. Especially if the guy uses it when you’re feeling stressed or vulnerable.
It comes across as a bit patronizing, to be honest.
Similar to calling you dramatic, this comment suggests that your emotional response is invalid.
Emotionally mature men will never…
They know that hearing this phrase when you’re already upset isn’t helpful and can be hurtful.
Instead, they’ll reassure you that it’s okay to feel that way and give you space to express yourself and feel heard.
7) “I am”
One of the surefire things about men with low emotional intelligence is that they always avoid responsibility, personal growth, and change.
This is usually due to their big egos and refusal to face their flaws.
Self-awareness is a big part of emotional intelligence.
Emotionally mature people often reflect on their behaviors and look for ways to improve them so that they can be the least damaging version of themselves.
If a guy lacks emotional intelligence, he’ll think he’s the way he is and there’s nothing wrong with that.
(Because he’s just the way he is, and we’re not “supposed to change” for anyone, right?)
But here’s the problem:
When people cling to the idea that they shouldn’t or can’t change, they often also struggle to understand why their actions hurt someone else.
Or rather, they lack empathy.
Emotionally mature men aren’t like that. They can accept that sometimes they’re the problem and will always be open to discussing how to improve themselves and what changes might be needed to keep their relationship healthy.
8) “It’s not my problem”
I was with a guy who said this a lot.
If something wasn’t directly affecting him, he didn’t bother to show me support.
What was his excuse?
He didn’t like drama. So, if it wasn’t his problem, he didn’t want to get involved.
For a long time, I thought I was the problem because I couldn’t let things go as quickly as he did. Especially because I wanted him to support me.
It was only when our relationship was about to end that I realized that his dismissive attitude was a sign of emotional avoidance.
However, the problem was that his emotional detachment not only affected the immediate situation but also led to resentment.
As it became a habitual response, I eventually didn’t want to turn to him for support and started to feel annoyed that I had a partner who didn’t fight any of my battles with me.
The worst part? And it’s a clear sign of true emotional immaturity…
When men use this phrase a lot, they expect you to be there for them when things go wrong. And if you’re not? They get angry.
Emotionally mature men see problems as important and should be dealt with if they affect you, even when they’re not directly affected.
Instead of ignoring the problem, they’ll immediately want to help.
9) “You’re always complicating things”
When life gets a little difficult, emotionally immature people like to shift the blame.
Instead of acknowledging that they’re having a hard time dealing with the emotions or situation in front of them, they’ll brush you off by saying that your feelings are too complicated or irrational.
The truth is that emotionally intelligent men need to simplify things because they don’t have the emotional skills to deal with difficult issues.
So, they try to make it seem like you’re the one making a big deal out of something that doesn’t matter.
An emotionally intelligent man will try to understand what makes a situation seem so complicated to you.
They will try to get you to back off and work with you through your concerns.
It’s not because they always understand, it’s because they understand that you see things differently.
Being around an emotionally mature man or sharing your feelings with him will never make you feel like you’re over-emphasized.
Conversations about feelings can be difficult, I get that.
But if a man isn’t emotionally immature, he’ll still treat emotional matters with respect instead of dismissing them because he doesn’t understand or agree with you.
This willingness to be there for you will help create a deep emotional bond in your relationship.
So, if the man you’re with makes you feel bad every time you try to explain your feelings or show any emotion that he may not like, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of hurt if you continue to see him.
