When you’re just starting out dating someone, it can be great when they go all out at first.
They smell like magic. They shower you with affection and gifts.
Sometimes, it seems too good to be true. And before you know it, you’re calling your friends to tell them about the amazing person you just met.
Everything seems perfect until…it’s not.
There’s a solid reason why it’s important to take your time in a new relationship. It is important to understand how you feel when a psychopath appears in the form of your new lover.
The term “love bomb” was originally coined by the Moonies sect, who used it to mean “a genuine expression of friendship, fellowship, concern, or interest.”
This term was later adopted to describe techniques used by psychopaths to attract people into relationships.
Oftentimes, love bombing is the only absolute way to know that something is wrong with the other person since they are so adept at keeping up the mask.
Related: This Personality Test Shows How Manipulative Someone Is In A Relationship
Love bombing is the stage that begins at the beginning of a relationship with a psychopath, where the other person is doing their best.
The psychopath superficially flatters you and makes you feel like a million dollars.
They may give you gifts or do amazing things for you. They listen and incorporate everything they hear into creating the kind of relationship you so desperately crave.
They use the things they have learned about you to project a personality that reflects exactly what you want in a mate.
Related: 9 signs you’re dealing with an incredibly skilled manipulator, according to psychology
Why is love bombing a red flag?
Often, a psychopath’s charming and very loving behavior is the only sign that something is wrong in a new relationship. Feeling overwhelmed and distracted by the amount of love and attention showered on you is amazing.
This, combined with the way they seem to adore you, makes it really hard to resist.
The psychopath uses this overwhelming attention to woo his partner and gain the upper hand. After all, if someone behaved the way a psychopath would at the end of a relationship initially, few people would ever fall in love with them in the first place.
Years later, victims of psychopaths still say things like, “They were so great at first, why can’t I get that person back? Wasn’t it all real? I know they love me, they showed me it.”
The reason this seems too good to be true is because it was just a dangerous illusion crafted for the sole purpose of gaining the love and trust of the victim.
Here are four signs that your friend is a psychopath and bombards you with love:
- They make exaggerated statements at any time during the first few months
They say things like:
- “You are the most wonderful person I have ever met.”
- “I knew you were the one I saw the moment I laid my eyes on you.”
- “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
- “There is no one in the world as beautiful, handsome and intelligent as you.”
Note the use of absolute data.
It is not normal for healthy, well-adjusted people at the beginning of new relationships to talk to you this way. Keep in mind that they cannot get to know you well this early in your relationship.
You haven’t had enough time together to develop this level of knowledge about each other. You may both be excited, but beware of flattering and unrealistic statements about yourself.
Related: Why You Repeatedly Choose The Wrong Relationship
- They make a lot of statements about your similarities
The nature of psychopaths is that they are chameleons who adopt new masks when trying to seduce someone new.
They listen a lot and say things that are supposed to make you feel the same.
Statements like: “Wow, I also played this weird sport and was a fan of tuba music.”
- They seem to be everything you want in a mate
Space and time are your weapons against dating and falling in love with a psychopath. Maintain control of your emotions. If you have a “wow, that sounds weird” feeling inside you, always listen and run!
If you’re not sure, and the relationship seems good, just wait and see. You don’t have to move in with them, get married, or buy a house together right now.
Related: 5 Excuses People Give For Cheating That Are Total Lies
- They arouse your sympathy
Hear sob stories from them? Psychopaths know that people like to support the underdog and use that to their advantage. They often hide the fact that they are completely unemployed and are completely parasitic with lots of statements about how unlucky they are and just looking for their big break.
Remember, healthy partners have pride! A healthy person would not immediately take their skeletons out of the closet and walk around for fear of getting scared.
Psychopaths know this and will use their bad stories to make themselves seem more honest and trustworthy when in reality they are the opposite.
How to protect yourself from dating a psychopath?
Your greatest weapon in any new relationship is time. Never make big, life-changing decisions at the beginning of a new relationship. Just take your time and see where it goes. If the other person is honest, he or she will also want to get to know you and won’t mind if it takes some time.
Remember, there is no rush to do anything in a relationship unless the other person is bleeding and you have to call an ambulance.
The longer you stay with one of these people, the harder it becomes for them to keep up their masks and keep their lies.
According to reports of others, it takes three to six months before the mask starts to slip. This is why the beginning of a relationship is a critical time to take it slow.
Oof. I know this all sounds scary, but rest assured that psychopaths make up about 1% of the population, based on research.
There are a lot of amazing people who would never have thought of making a leather suit.
Remember to always listen to your gut feeling and use space and time to your advantage in a new relationship.
Related: Sometimes Loving Him Means Letting Him Walk Away
