A father is called out by his son after his mother makes racist comments about his son, who is in an interracial relationship with a black girlfriend.
Posting on the subReddit “r/AmITheA–hole” (AITA), where people go to find out if they’re wrong in a conflict, the man detailed what happened.
He explained in his post that his racist mother was staying with him after undergoing surgery, which caused problems with his son.
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A stepson is angry because he won’t take back his elderly mother for making racist comments about her son’s black friend.
The man describes the grandmother as “a classic racist and… an angry narcissist who is not one to back down from her opinions.”
When he showed the grandmother a photo of his son’s black girlfriend, the grandmother continued “talking for two hours about bloodlines and kept saying they didn’t look right.”
When the Redditor said his son’s girlfriend was coming to dinner, the grandmother said she “didn’t want the girl near her because it would upset her.”
So the guy uninvited his girlfriend from dinner because he “[didn’t] want any trouble.”
This prompted his son to label him a “complacent racist” and accused him of “protecting a racist” by allowing his mother to stay at home and that he should have kicked her out over her comments.
But the father feels torn because “my mother is an old woman who cannot live on her own as she is,” and while he does not agree with her racist views, “I cannot leave her to fend for herself.” “.
His wife agrees with their son, which angers him even more because he says, “I know I’m not a racist.”
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Most commenters agreed that the father did not handle the situation properly and that he needed to undo his mother’s racism.
Many felt he unfairly punished others for his mother’s actions by not calling her out.
As one person said: “You need to replay the consequences of your mother’s racism on your mother, not on your son and his girlfriend like you are currently doing.”
Another user strongly agreed, writing: “If you want to let your mother dictate who comes and goes, you are welcome to move into her house and you can take care of her there.”
“Your wife and son do not deserve to be tied down and made to feel uncomfortable in their own home by your racist, narcissistic mother.”
Others were more sympathetic to the abusive situations narcissistic parents can put their children into. “He says he ‘doesn’t know what to do,'” one commenter wrote. “I will believe him.”
However, even sympathetic commentators agreed that the father did not handle this situation correctly and that he needed to make a choice.
As one such person wrote: “Being ostracized/estranged from a family member you’ve known all your life can be very difficult for some, especially if that person is their parent.”
“But sometimes it’s necessary if she’s that toxic. [The father] has a choice to make now, either appease his mother…or have a lasting, good relationship with his son.”
After reading many comments, the father agreed. He later added to his post, writing: “Kicking my mother right now is not an option…”
“…But she is the bad guy in the situation and she is the one who needs to change…I should not have to adapt to her biased ways and neither should my son or his girlfriend suffer because of her.”
Family relationships are complicated, but sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing.
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