It seems so simple – two people are attracted to each other, and they either get along and the relationship grows or they don’t, so they break up and move on. But how often do relationships actually work that way?
On the one hand, some couples have been unhappily married for over 30 years, and on the other hand, everyone knows friends who break up with their partners every couple of months, just so they can date the next eerily similar candidate. So why do people choose lovers who break their hearts?
Related: I Survived A Mother I Believe Is A Psychopath
Here are 5 reasons why you repeatedly choose the wrong relationship:
- The devil, you know
People tend to be attracted to the familiar. Whether it’s an ex-boyfriend, your mom, dad, or brother – no matter how crazy they are – you’ve become an expert at managing life with them. It’s been hard, but you’ve learned how to deal with them (or avoid them elegantly).
Madness no longer scares you. You may have played a major role in keeping your family safe, and if so, you might be proud of it. I have survived this challenge and mastered it; Now it becomes familiar, even comfortable, for you. So when you meet this type of person, you naturally gravitate towards them.
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- Addicted to dysfunction
Sometimes you are with someone, not for all the rational reasons you think, but because that person meets your subconscious needs. The problem is that it can create a bad dynamic.
If you’re depressed or bored, a “drama queen” (or king) makes you feel alive and turns your life into a rollercoaster. If you are an upholsterer, a charming narcissist may help improve your social status, but they are difficult to live with.
- Co-dependency
Once you meet the devil you know, you may find yourself addicted to his drama. The dynamics of codependency are complex.
While the high costs of your relationship are obvious to everyone, you may also get a big hidden psychological “kick” from the relationship. This can affect your brain just like an addictive substance would!
Related: The Painfully Honest Reason You Continue To Attract Toxic Men
- Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem is another big factor in staying with a bad match. Many people prefer to stay with someone who is not suitable for them to be alone. Dealing with a chaotic relationship may be easier than dealing with the anxiety and depression that comes from being alone.
- Ill-treatment
Abusive partners have a way of getting into your head. They have their own version of reality and blame you for everything. As a result, you may find yourself swinging back and forth between believing it’s all your fault and realizing it’s not your fault.
Constant frustrations can suck your energy, leaving you so exhausted that you can’t do anything about it. So where do you go from here?
First, don’t assume that things will get better on their own. Second, stop trying to handle it alone! Surround yourself with supportive people. Thirdly, if there are not many people you can trust, do not hesitate to consult a professional to solve these problems.
