We can’t control how others treat us, but we can control how we respond and what we tolerate.
Those with a healthy level of self-esteem know when to draw a line in the sand and stick to it.
They are patient and willing to compromise, but they have boundaries and standards that they won’t break for anyone.
Here are the top behaviors and actions they will never tolerate from anyone else.
Let’s get started:
1) Disrespect
A self-confident individual refuses to be disrespected without an apology.
No one will talk down to them or treat them disrespectfully.
If that happens, they will demand an apology and change direction or they will walk out of the interaction and cut the person out of their life as much as possible.
They are the opposite of the overly nice “nice guy” or “nice girl” who tolerates everything.
As psychology professor Leon Seltzer, Ph.D., puts it. “Advice: “People who are not assertive—i.e., passive, verbally withholding, or overly considerate—generally don’t get their basic relationship needs met (and can’t). They end up feeling frustrated, misunderstood, and dissatisfied.”
2) Manipulation
Those who try to manipulate them end up hitting a brick wall.
Their tricks don’t work:
Whether it’s through manipulation, emotional blackmail, playing the victim, or other mind games, a self-respecting person shuts them down.
RELATED:5 Common Reasons An Adult May Keep A Child From Their Grandparent, According To Experts
They recognize and reject any form of emotional or psychological manipulation.
Their self-respect won’t allow them to be treated this way, and they know that giving in a little often leads down a very dark path.
They never start down that path at all.
3) Inconsistency
A self-respecting person does not tolerate unreliable or erratic behavior.
They expect consistency in actions and words.
They know He values himself, and respects the schedules and time of others. So he expects the same in return.
As Dr. Margie Warrell advises: “Not believing in your innate worth can cause you to settle for less than you want or deserve.”
Because a self-respecting person believes in his worth, he doesn’t waste his time with people who constantly break their word.
He has more important things to do than chase after someone who can’t do what they say they do.
4) Dishonesty
He doesn’t tolerate lies or deception about any important issue in his personal or professional life.
He values honesty in all relationships.
This doesn’t mean he expects perfection, and he knows that small inconsistencies and white lies are told by the best of us.
But even small lies can raise some red flags.
If a self-respecting person realizes that many bigger lies are going on, he will walk away.
He doesn’t have time for bullshit and deception from anyone in his inner circle.
This ties directly into the next point as well:
5) Going Beyond Core Values
Those with self-respect can compromise and agree to disagree.
However, they will not maintain relationships with those who belittle or criticize their core beliefs and values.
Seltzer notes that “telling others honestly what you need and want—as well as how you feel—demonstrates personal dignity, self-confidence, and respect.”
If someone respectfully disagrees with their views, lifestyle, goals, or philosophy, that’s fine.
But if people, companies, or anyone else go beyond what they believe in, they will defend themselves.
They don’t want to let anyone attack them for who they are or what they stand for.
6) Invading Privacy
When they need some alone time and privacy, that’s non-negotiable.
Those with a healthy level of self-love and self-respect will not tolerate their privacy being invaded.
They insist on personal boundaries and do not tolerate rude or hurtful intrusions into their private lives.
If they want to share or open up to someone, they will do so when they are ready or when they are treated with respect.
But having their privacy invaded against their will or someone intruding into their personal life is a big no-no.
They will not tolerate it.
7) Bossy and biased advice
Advice given freely is good. It may be bad advice or ignorant advice. So be it.
But unsolicited and intrusive advice has no place in the life of a self-respecting person.
They will stand up for themselves and resist any attempts to push them into a lifestyle, career, relationship, or decision that doesn’t align with what they want.
As Seltzer notes, “Once you learn how to consciously stand up for yourself, you’ll find that you’ve greatly increased the odds that what you have to say will be better understood—and given more weight—than it was before.”
They reject intrusive advice or opinions that are given without being asked for or that are patronizing and hurtful.
Life is too short to accept the malice of others or those who impose their views in a controlling or spiteful way.
They won’t sit there and be nice about petty, biased advice that they didn’t ask for just because someone decided to give it.
8) Ignorance and Arrogance
A self-respecting person has no time for arrogant and condescending people.
When he sees that people are ignoring his thoughts, feelings, values, and priorities, he withdraws.
He refuses to let fear run his life and is not afraid of being judged or hated by someone who thinks they are superior to him or who tries to put themselves above them.
As Warrell points out, “Whole new possibilities open up when we refuse to let fear rule our lives and find the courage to stand up for ourselves.”
A self-respecting person is a living example of this:
They stand up for themselves and won’t let bad people control their lives.
9) Neglect and Abusive Behavior
They won’t tolerate neglect or abuse of any kind, whether emotional, physical, or otherwise.
If someone treats them this way at work, they complain to management or quit.
If someone treats them this way in a relationship, they stand up for themselves and break up, and in some cases, they call the authorities.
No matter how much they love someone, a self-respecting person would never allow that person to treat them like trash.
They know that if they fall down that rabbit hole, their self-esteem and basic self-image will be damaged in ways that could take decades to repair.
It’s not worth the pain of sacrificing their well-being for someone else’s cause.
10) Conditional Love and Reciprocal Relationships
They refuse to accept love or friendship that comes with strings attached.
This is because, at a fundamental level, a self-respecting person is willing to be disliked.
Warrell notes that “the reasons why many people allow others to trample on their dignity and treat them with disrespect, care, or kindness are as complex as human nature itself. But at the core of it is our fear of what might happen if we stand up for ourselves.”
Because they don’t depend on others to like them, a self-respecting person can stand up for themselves.
They can reject any relationship that isn’t based on genuine trust and affection because they know they aren’t good enough and they know they can and will do better.
Setting and Sticking to Boundaries
Self-respect doesn’t come naturally to everyone, especially those who have suffered deep trauma from early childhood neglect or abuse.
When you weren’t raised to stand up for yourself and set firm boundaries, it can seem impossible to say no to others.
But learning how to begin the process of standing up for yourself and respecting your standards and boundaries is crucial:
It is the path of every self-actualized individual to become more consistent, authentic, and honest with themselves and others.
