Do you think you have a narcissistic abuser in your life? Someone you can’t stay away from, at least not yet? The goal of the gray rock method is simple: act like gray rocks.
With a narcissist, this is easier said than done. However, there are ways to make it work.
The Gray Rock Method is essentially a way to end a narcissist’s interest in you by not responding emotionally. Essentially, you are depriving them of your response and attention, which will eventually cause the narcissist to find someone else to abuse and get rid of.
Related: 10 Signs You’re Talking To A ‘Conversational Narcissist’
But what does this method mean? What makes it not easy with a narcissist? Partly it’s about reversing the roles and putting yourself first.
#Challenges of dealing with a narcissistic person.
As you well know by now, the narcissist should be the center of everyone’s world. When that doesn’t happen, there will be hell to pay.
If you live with, work with, or even are a child of a narcissistic abuser, you know. You have to keep them front and center, or else. This “or else” is terrible.
You should give them complete control and not have any opinions or needs of your own. Or you were turned on. Criticize. He shouted at me. Names called. threatening. humiliation. Made to feel fear. And small.
You don’t want to be small. you want to see. Maybe try to challenge them. Stand up for yourself. All you get is more abuse.
What do you do? Especially if you need it. It’s closed. Go quietly. All the time boiling inside. However, this need is strong. For love. Or work. You are desperate.
The best thing you can do is to delete them from your life completely. There is no place for you in their homes. But if you can’t, this is where the gray rock method comes in handy.
#What is the gray rock method?
The gray rock method is very straightforward in principle. You make yourself as difficult, boring, and uninteresting as a gray rock. I’ve put a shield around you.
Being a gray rock is that armor. The narcissist wants attention. If you don’t give them what they want, the theory is they’ll get it somewhere else.
The gray rock is unresponsive. The gray rock gives as little as possible and does not react. “Yes No. “Uh,” or just keep doing the job as simply as possible. Nothing else. Give too little, you’ve lost.
Don’t let the narcissist lure you. He will try to dismantle your determination and personality. They want to own you, control you, and make you give them what they want.
Yes, you want to be admired, loved and appreciated. Especially if it’s your parents, your spouse, or even your boss.
We all need appreciation and love, but you won’t get it from an abusive narcissist.
never. You have to accept that. If it looks like you did it, that’s seduction – then they’ve caught you. Don’t let that happen.
Return to the gray rock. Set your intentions within yourself. Don’t tell them what you’re doing. Hold on tight.
Difficult. And if you need something, it’s very sad. There are other places to love. Protect yourself. Set strict limits against abuse. Be that gray rock.
The gray rock method means setting boundaries.
Your boundaries should be more than good, and they should be impenetrable.
Everyone needs boundaries. It protects you from use, abuse, exploitation, and giving too much away.
The narcissist will do anything to break them. That’s why gray, rocky boundaries are especially important with a narcissistic abuser. Narcissists will abuse your goodwill and exploit your need for love and appreciation.
#Narcissists will not change.
The real sticking point is your desire – that this person, this narcissist, will finally change – and give you what you’ve been looking for.
But a narcissist can’t, so you have to be able to stick to your guns. And if you have suffered trauma at the hands of a narcissistic abuser, this is not easy.
You are angry, which means you may be arguing or trying to be heard. It never works. You will get more abuse. Even if you are right or logical, and you probably are.
Plus, it’s very easy to get caught up in anything that might look like love.
Related: What It Means To Love A Narcissist — 3 Ways They Hurt You & 5 Ways To Get Your Self-Esteem Back
Narcissistic abuse causes trauma that destroys your self-esteem.
Living with a narcissist is painful. It can make you doubt yourself, over-give, try to please, and even think that what you need is “too much.”
it’s not. Needs and feelings are normal. But it’s hard to know that inside yourself when you’re constantly being told you’re wrong.
You need someone who can give. A narcissist can’t do that. They are the limited ones. They want to make themselves seem like they know everything. But in reality, they hide their fears of inferiority.
Hard to believe? Just think about what they do to you and how they make you feel.
When they make themselves better than you, they make you feel inferior. It makes you feel like you’re always wrong, or not good enough. You feel bad about yourself, and that’s a terrible way to live.
- The gray rock method, if you use it well, can build and maintain your self-esteem.
- You don’t deserve to be treated this way.
- You are not wrong. They just have to think about it.
- Try not to argue until you are heard. It never works.
- Don’t let a narcissist make you feel “less than.”
- Stop over-giving to get their love.
- Remind yourself of other people who love you.
- Adjust your resolve. I’ll make it stop.
Stopping it means putting up walls to stop you from being treated that way. It means ignoring and abusing the narcissistic abuser, as much as you want to resist.
The best way to respond (and the best revenge, so to speak) is to not respond. Because that’s what a narcissistic abuser wants. To provoke you and bring you down. Not responding means mastering gray rock skills. It’s difficult, but not impossible.
#How can you make the gray rock method successful?
You have to be firm. You cannot give up or fight back. Difficult.
So, the Gray Rock method? It’s a good solution, but it’s a superficial one. I was traumatized. This trauma lives inside you, and it is difficult to break this cycle, especially if it started long ago in childhood and then is repeated with partners or bosses.
When you need something you can’t have, it can make you feel unworthy and hungry for love. Unfortunately, you find yourself looking for love in the wrong places.
The Gray Rock Method can help you break free from the need for love from someone who doesn’t deserve it. Someone who did not earn your love or your excessive desire to give.
But don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re finding it difficult to stick to it. If you find yourself still longing for the love and appreciation you can’t have. Breaking down at any “mark” could be the end. And surrender.
If you find yourself still repeating this cycle, it’s best to get some help. Living with a traumatic history and more recent traumatic experiences is not easy to resolve.
