When you first started dating, your family and friends tried to warn you about your boyfriend’s narcissism; However, you ignored their objections and ignored his narcissistic personality traits because you wanted so badly to be in a relationship and fall in love. But now, you’re worried that your worst fear has come true: You’re in love with a narcissist. At first, she focused solely on his charm and charismatic demeanor, which he could activate in a nanosecond if it served him at that moment.
But, like a trained puppeteer, you now realize that he is the master of push and pull in your relationship. It is as if you have freely given your narcissistic partner restrictions that affect your identity, personality, self-esteem, and well-being. And although you may feel grateful when your boyfriend comes back after he’s moved away from you—all part of a narcissist’s psychological mind games—dismissing his past behavior only feeds his narcissism and keeps him in charge of the dynamic of your relationship.
Related: 3 Dead Giveaways Of How Narcissists Act In Romantic Relationships
#Here are 8 small signs that a narcissist is controlling you:
1. He has you wrapped around his finger
You may also experience Stockholm Syndrome, where you feel an irrational sense of loyalty or devotion toward your captor — or in this case, your narcissistic partner.
2. You are not allowed to have a voice in your relationship
Does he control physical intimacy? Does he make decisions about your relationships? Your friends? your family? When he says, “It’s okay to hang out with so-and-so,” is there always a price to pay when you return, whether it’s emotional withdrawal, distancing, anger, or punishment?
3. He plays with your feelings
Men with narcissistic personalities enjoy manipulating women. That’s why your boyfriend is always there for you when you’re at your lowest — when you’re cringing, begging for attention, or begging for a hug. But once you get that hug, you then start hating yourself for being so pathetic.
Related: How To Spot A Narcissist Immediately On A First Date
4. He is not committed to working on improving your relationship
You can’t change it. He can’t change unless he wants to. He doesn’t see the need to change because he’s the smartest person in the room. It is a nice. He doesn’t think he needs to change because he’s always right.
5. He blames you for everything
A man with narcissistic personality traits will not take responsibility for his behavior. He’s good at pointing the finger at you. You are responsible for any negativity in your relationship. You are like a broken compass: the needle of the problem is always pointed at you.
6. He attacks you
Gunnysacking, defined as “an alienating combat tactic in which a person holds or carries grievances until the bag becomes too heavy and bursts, and old hostilities spill over,” is common in relationships with narcissists. Imagine a burlap bag filled with all the sins, flaws, mistakes, and problems that your partner has accused you of and accused you of. Every time you act in a way that he thinks is wrong – bam! – Another item is added to the burlap bag. Then, any time he thinks you’ve crossed him, like when you challenge him or stand up for your rights, all the mistakes you’ve made throughout your relationship come crashing down. He lashes out at you with these mistakes over and over again until you’re an emotional mess.
Related: The Effects Of A Narcissistic Mother, As Seen In ‘The Manchurian Candidate’
7. He deliberately tramples on your self-esteem
Think about what you were like when you first entered the relationship. When have you allowed yourself to emotionally disintegrate? It is always imperceptible. It is a slow leak that cannot be pinned down to a specific date on the calendar. Your narcissistic friend wants you to remain barely successful and capable enough to be attractive and interesting. So he can defeat you to a submissive level.
8. He uses you
The narcissist is the king of being an emotional predator. He has no remorse for his narcissism. This is who he is. He wants to be loved for who he is; However, he does not accept affection in the way she wants. The relationship is 100 percent on his terms. Realizing that you identify with these signs of a narcissistic partner is scary and difficult to confront. You are in love with a narcissist. But you love him, should you end your relationship because of his narcissistic personality traits?
- You are comfortable with your partner making all the decisions.
- You are relieved that he agrees to all his demands.
- You don’t have any needs of your own that don’t align with his.
- Don’t mind if he seeks out other women as “friends.”
- You feel comfortable if he flirts with other women and just says, “They don’t mean anything.”
- You don’t feel that trust is relevant to your relationship.
- You don’t mind that he kept you away from your family and friends.
- You don’t care that he talks down to you.
- It’s okay for him to have private accounts, phones, and relationships.
- It’s okay to not be a priority in his life.
How long should you stay in the relationship once you realize that your friend has narcissistic personality traits? If your answer to all of the above is “yes” then you should stay with him forever. If your answer to one or more of the above is “no” – not even for a day longer.
