Contrary to popular belief, life is not that short. In fact, it may seem very long, especially when you make bad decisions.
One of the most important decisions one can make is who to be with.
In an ideal world, your partner should be sophisticated, empathetic, and respectful. They must be the co-pilot, not a passenger.
When the balance of power is consistently one-sided, it’s a clear sign that something needs to change.
If you start to feel like an employee or assistant is more than an equal, for example, this is a cause for concern.
Once you clearly recognize these signs, you will be in a better position to take this step.
We all deserve a healthy, loving relationship, and anything less should be thrown in the trash.
Let’s dive in!
1) You are always connected
Does your partner treat you like an on-call employee?
Let’s say you’re busy or visibly relaxing after a long day, this won’t matter to your partner, as he or she will expect you to be available at all times to perform tasks or respond to text messages promptly.
The girl I used to date had a particularly low stress threshold.
When she was stressed, she would call or text me frantically, asking me to help her without being able to explain how to do it.
For example, if my phone is in the other room and she takes several minutes to answer, she will go crazy, the frequency of her messages and calls will increase dramatically, and the tone will become more intense and angrier.
She didn’t care that I was busy with work or my phone wasn’t there at that moment, and if I didn’t respond within seconds, she would lash out at me. I needed to be there and call her.
Related : 14 phrases toxic people use to put people down
In short, as soon as your partner starts showing disrespect for your independence as a person, almost completely ignoring it, I have news for you: you are his glorious assistant first, and (distant) romantic partner second.
2) You always do one-sided tasks
Real talk: If your partner seems to constantly delegate tasks to you that he could easily do himself, then the sad truth is that you, my friend, are his assistant.
Maybe you’re in bed and they’ll ask you to get them a glass of water or ask you to bring their phone charger into the living room.
Remember, there is a fine line between being a supportive, helpful partner and being an outspoken servant.
If they’re clearly busy and asking nicely, you certainly have a good excuse for willingly bringing that charger without resentment.
However, if they ask you to do them a favor while they’re scrolling through the reels or watching reruns of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, you need to nip this behavior in the bud before things get out of hand.
3) They lack appreciation for you
If they really appreciate you or thank you and make it known, that kind of settles things.
Sure, you may help out more than your quota requires, but at least you get credit for it. It may not be ideal but it is understandable.
But if they take your help for granted and rarely acknowledge your efforts, it’s just an entitlement.
Once this becomes the norm, you reinforce bad habits; You cannot allow this destructive behavior to continue.
Start by demanding the kind of respect you deserve. You are an equal, not the chambermaid or the butler. Your needs should be a priority too.
If things don’t change, you know what to do.
4) They have the right to communicate
Here’s the thing: Sometimes, the problem isn’t so much the actual tasks as how you delegate them.
Do they speak like an authoritarian dictator or do they have a subtlety and gentleness in their manner?
If their communication often sounds more like orders than something up for discussion, that’s just blatant disrespect.
you deserve the best. It is time to express their recklessness.
Simply put, this means they treat you as an inferior or low-level employee, rather than an equal peer in the relationship. It’s time to take back your power.
5) You have limited decision-making authority
Speaking of authority, do they seem to make big decisions unilaterally without consulting or involving you?
If so, it’s clear who wears the pants in the house.
But this doesn’t have to be the case – any healthy union in this day and age should have a teamwork dynamic, with both partners playing equally important roles.
Ignoring your partner’s input is a big red flag.
If things don’t change even after you talk about it, consider it a queue to run — or at least a quick walk in the opposite direction.
6) They make you do personal tasks
It doesn’t get more transparent than this.
If they have you handle their personal tasks like making appointments, organizing their schedule, answering personal emails, or answering their calls, you are officially an assistant.
You may also be on their payroll and have a job title for your LinkedIn profile.
Unfortunately, at this point, they consider you a doormat, so it’s time to put your foot down and make your voice heard.
7) They rarely exchange gestures
I’ll be honest, there’s nothing worse than a double standard in a relationship.
Ask yourself this: When you ask your partner for a favor, does he or she show a willingness to contribute in the same way you do?
If the answer is no, it’s not fair. Either they lack respect for you as their partner, or they are narcissistic by nature – or perhaps a combination of the two.
Regardless, it’s not a great situation.
I remember in a previous relationship, my ex would make me watch her favorite TV show for hours on end. This continued for months.
Although my interest in the genre or subject was minimal, I was willing to try to get into it willingly.
Sometimes, I would suggest that we watch something together that he was also interested in. She would respond by either refusing to watch altogether or by making excuses like a headache or fatigue.
It became clear to me after some time that her unreciprocated gestures indicated a power imbalance.
In hindsight, it’s no surprise that things didn’t go well.
8) You feel exhausted
Bills, illness, politics, endless culture wars – life is stressful enough.
Traditionally, when you choose to be with someone, one of the main goals is happiness.
Your union should be a safe place, a point of refuge, from the trials and tribulations of the world.
Related : If someone displays these 17 behaviors, they’re playing mind games with you
So when your partner stops being that way; While they add burden to your life in the form of extra tasks or an overall bad attitude, you may start to feel overwhelmed.
This is no way to live and is inconsistent with the role of a loving partner.
They should not be a liability in your life. You don’t have to enable this mindset either.
LastWords
Recognition is the first step. The good news is that you have already reached this point.
Once you find yourself being treated as an assistant, it’s wise to call in your partner before things get out of hand.
If you let things go, expect resentment and other negative feelings to begin to surface on both sides.
If this continues, you will eventually reach a toxic point of no return.
The cliche is absolutely true: Communication is the key to a happy relationship.
Express your concerns in a respectful and kind way. If your partner values you and your relationship, you can expect that to change with some work.
But if they don’t, maybe it’s time to seriously rethink things.
