Insecurity is the root cause of relationship problems more often than we like to admit.
Behavior control and manipulation? Checks.
Jealousy and trust issues? Checks.
Clinging and relying on others? Checks.
The reason is complex and simple at the same time. When you feel insecure, you want to hold on to your partner with all your might because you are afraid of letting go. This is the simple part.
But once you dig deeper into the subtle psychology of attachment styles and a child’s inner healing, it becomes clear that insecurities are complex and complex systems that influence our behavior in more ways than we can count.
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Unfortunately, you can’t see what’s going on in your partner’s head and untangle all the chaos in order to understand them better. As such, their behavior is the only sign you can rely on.
What a good sign. Feeling insecure is inherently loud, it affects the way your partner acts in one way or another, allowing their true fears to emerge whether they like it or not.
So, without further ado, here are 8 things men do in their relationships that make them seem insecure.
1) They feel jealous a little too often and a little too much
A man who is not confident that he can keep you will always be on the lookout for potential threats.
Why are you so friendly with this coworker? Is what the waiter said really funny? Why didn’t you immediately respond to his message on your girls’ night? why your phone is off? Who’s that guy from your Pilates class?
The questions never end. Moreover, they are disrespectful – when a man suspects you of cheating despite your constant reassurances of loyalty, it means that he does not trust you or respect you enough to put his trust in your moral principles.
A secure man will allow you to live your life in peace because he trusts that you will not violate the basic condition of your agreement – monogamy. On the other hand, an insecure man will always wonder if you plan to leave him for a greener place.
2) They want you all to themselves
Once his insecurities get the better of him, controlling and manipulative behavior begins.
Possessiveness is a big deal – Insecure men want to own all of you at all times because they are so afraid of losing even a small piece of your love.
He may take some extreme measures, such as isolating you from your family and friends by turning on them, or he may be more subtle about it, such as texting you more than necessary and expecting instant responses as if you had nothing better. To do so.
Whatever the case, his intentions are clear: he wants you to be fully available to him because any sign of independence triggers his feelings of insecurity and fears of abandonment.
3) They love to bomb you
If you’re looking for a clear example of insecurity, look no further than love bombing.
This manipulation tactic revolves around exaggerated love confessions, grand gestures, and lavish gifts in the early stages of a relationship.
“Wait, though. ‘That sounds really nice,’ you might say.”
But that’s exactly why it’s a manipulation technique. When a man showers you with too much love early on — before he even gets a proper chance to get to know you and fall in love with your personality — he’s pushing you to commit to him so he can control you.
Love bombing is usually associated with people with narcissistic personality disorder or an anxious and insecure attachment style.
4) They often go through your phone or stalk you
Remember our first point about jealousy? This fuels his behavior when he checks your phone while you’re sleeping or when he thinks you’re not looking.
There is nothing that will make a man look more insecure than sneaking around to spy on you. Being jealous and asking annoying questions is one thing. It’s another thing to have Joe Goldberg out of you.
He may tell you that if you have nothing to hide, there is nothing to worry about. He might say that people who trust each other should feel free to browse each other’s social media accounts and chat conversations.
But the truth is that everyone has their own limits. If you don’t want him to look at your phone whenever he wants, that’s totally true.
In my last relationship, going through each other’s stuff behind our backs was out of the question — not because we were hiding something, but because we respected the privacy of the friends we talked to via text, as well as our own thoughts.
5) They flip out when you offer constructive criticism
“I don’t like the way you treated me yesterday. I felt disrespected.
“Oh, because I’m a terrible friend, right? Why don’t you break up with me then?”
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the hallmark of insecurity.
When a man lacks the confidence and self-love to accept feedback and work on improving his behavior, it usually means that he is so insecure that every bit of criticism will push him over the edge.
He’s so terrified that you don’t like him that he takes everything very personally.
As a result, a conversation that could have lasted five minutes turns into a two-hour argument.
6) They constantly attack you or belittle you
Insecure men go to great lengths to feel good about themselves – often at the expense of their partner.
In many ways, he feels like he’s still a boy, but he wants to fit into the role of the alpha male, so he takes any opportunity to put you down.
He may give you unkind comments about your appearance to reduce your self-confidence.
He may make fun of your weaknesses and lack of self-confidence to bring you down to his level.
He may explain everything to you because he wants to feel like he’s the smartest one.
When you’re dealing with a man like this, remember that truly confident men don’t need to compete with their partners. They are only competing with themselves.
7) They change their behavior to match your value system
A girl once told me, “Don’t tell a guy what you expect from him right away. He will follow the guideline to make you fall in love, and only then will he reveal himself as he really is.”
Of course, not every man is like that. There are plenty of men who strive to form real connections with their partners and who don’t feel the need to invent an entirely new personality just to make someone fall in love with them.
But there’s a great lesson we can learn from what she said, which is that men who don’t feel completely secure in themselves will say and do what they seem to want.
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If you are a vegetarian, he will cut out meat after two weeks of getting to know you (and will continue to eat it when you are not around).
If your beliefs are on one side of the political spectrum and his beliefs are on the other, he’ll tell you he’s apolitical (and will slowly begin to reveal his true values after three months of relationship).
An insecure man wants your love – even if it means you’ll fall for the facade he puts on, not his true personality.
8) They are cheating on you
You may think that he is cheating on you because you are not attractive enough, but the truth is that many men cheat on you for reasons that have nothing to do with you and have to do with their ego.
According to research, partners who feel insecure and anxiously attached are more likely to cheat.
They strive to feel wanted. I loved. Adored. Attractive. Dear.
You can shower them with as much love as you want, but somehow, it will never be enough, so they go and look for love elsewhere without realizing that as long as they feel dissatisfied in their own skin, they will never feel complete. .
Not everyone can give them what they really need.
Thus the battle of an insecure man.
But do you know why? It’s not your job to fix him or convince him to love you. If a man isn’t confident, he can date a thousand people and still get stuck in the same traps.
