By definition, manipulation is often sneaky.

Therefore, we do not always realize what is happening, especially when we think we are dealing with someone we can trust.

But since signs of control can fly under the radar, you may have to be more vigilant.

Here’s what to look for…

1) They are at the peak of love and affection
You can really have too much of a good thing. Because the more someone acts exaggeratedly, the less you can believe in their honesty.

Hence the phrase “love bombing.”

They may shower you with compliments, compliments, tokens of affection, and gifts.

But, as therapist Shirin Bikar explains, more sinister motives may lie behind them:

So, unfortunately, we have to be wary of an “I love you” that comes too soon. We need to beware of grand gestures. It would be smart to step back a little when we feel like things are moving 100 miles and an hour ahead.

Because even beautiful things can be used to get you to where someone wants you.

2) You feel guilty for putting your needs or wants first
One of the oldest manipulation tricks in the book is emotional blackmail and guilt.

They are not trying to lay down the law, but they are trying to make you feel bad. This gives the illusion that you have a choice in how to act. But really, don’t do that.

Because when you choose to say or do something that the other person doesn’t like, you’ll never hear the end of it.

You felt like a selfish person if you didn’t fulfill all his desires.

You are presented as a bad person when you do things to yourself that they would rather you not do.

Your choices and decisions are not without emotional pressure. There is an onus to choose which option they prefer.

Otherwise, they frown, treat you coldly, withdraw affection and generally act “distant” with you as punishment.

They may even outright accuse you of being selfish. But these are just ways to control you.

3) You always end up saying yes, because it’s not worth the effort of saying no

A good indicator that manipulation is occurring is if you find yourself constantly thinking:

Anything for an easy life.

You tell yourself that you are simply following the path of least resistance in order to keep the peace.

Sure, we all need to learn how to deal with compromise in relationships. But if you’re the one who always bends, then you’re being manipulated.

Your seemingly simple approach is most likely the negative necessary to deal with an overly demanding person.

You may have started using it to avoid the inevitable conflict that would arise if you stood your ground and stuck up for yourself instead.

4) You feel like you’re walking on eggshells and are paranoid about what you say and do

When we become deeply interested in another person, our entire focus often shifts to them.

So, instead of simply being ourselves, we feel the need to strictly monitor ourselves. We find it difficult to relax and just be ourselves.

We are too busy thinking about how to interpret what we say. We worry that we will do the “wrong” thing that will “make them angry.”

The onus is all on you to be hyper-vigilant about their feelings, needs, and whims – and constantly moderate yourself in the process.

5) You talked about doing many services
Services should be provided freely, not taken away from anyone.

We’ve all met the kind of rude people who just can’t seem to take no for an answer.

When faced with an answer they don’t like, they keep pushing — even in ways that seem gently convincing.

But trying to convince someone of something is always crossing their boundaries.

Throwing bribes, sweet talk, guilt or sob stories into a situation in order to convince someone to change their mind is 100% manipulation.

6) You are guessing your feelings
The manipulation can be so clever that you not only see it, but you also question your sanity.

You may end up wondering if you are the one being unreasonable or exaggerating things. You may feel that you are too selfish or fear that you are too sensitive.

In more extreme cases, this may be the intent of the manipulator.

Gaslighting is where you are deliberately encouraged to question your recollection of events and your full grasp of reality.

If you think that sounds incredibly offensive, you’re right.

Paige Sweet, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Michigan who studies manipulation in relationships and the workplace, explains to Forbes that it’s all about creating that self-doubt in you:

7) You are grouped
If they have difficulty convincing you themselves, they may enlist someone else to help them.

This could be as simple as telling you that a mutual friend agrees with you, so you must be wrong.

Or it could be more extreme. They may get friends or family to advocate for them.

For example, let’s say you decide you want to leave a relationship (whether romantic or platonic). They are trying to convince others to side with them and convince you to reconsider.

Exploiting compassion and empathy can be powerful tools for someone who wants to twist your arm.

8) Your words (or facts) are distorted to paint a worse picture
That’s not exactly what you said, and it’s certainly not what you meant by it. But they take completely innocent phrases or things you say and change them.

This is so that they can play the victim and turn you into the perpetrator.

This can often happen when they feel backed into a corner.

Maybe when you try to raise some issues with them (which we will see later can be very difficult!).

They tend to exaggerate everything that happened or exaggerate the emotional impact it had on them in search of a sympathy vote.

9) Any of your fears are quickly dispelled

This basically happens when someone takes issue with an issue you raised with them and files a complaint directly with you.

It doesn’t even have to have anything to do with the original problem you gave them. It’s just a tactic to make you the wrong person.

For example, she told someone that “when she laughed at my suggestion, I felt rejected and my feelings were hurt.”

But instead of acknowledging how much they hurt you, they start responding with:

“This richness comes from you. You never support me. Like last week when I was very busy and you couldn’t help me with my work project.

Whether they are aware of it or not, the goal of the game is to distract from any of their mistakes.

So they may make up some of your mistakes or bring up past mistakes to try to do that.

10) They use humor as an excuse for rudeness or cruelty
We’ve already touched on how passive aggressive tactics such as guilt tripping and emotional blackmail can be used for manipulation.

Well, this is another one.

Because “just kidding” is a very common passive aggressive way to take out frustration or belittle someone without it being obvious.

Regardless of whether they say it’s just a joke, they may make you feel bad about yourself.

Maybe it’s by discovering your fears and teasing you about them. Perhaps he sows seeds of doubt, even though they protest that they are just kidding.

If it sounds like negligence, it is one. They may do this to strip you of your self-respect.

Strengthenyourboundaries, my dear!

There are many ways you can put an end to manipulation, most of which revolve around making your boundaries clearer and firmer.

Only when we know the rules we expect people to abide by if they want to be in our lives, can we begin to stick to them.

This means that we need to know our potential weaknesses that manipulators may try to play on, and learn how to become more assertive by setting personal boundaries.