Have you ever loved someone with all your heart but they also bring you down in so many ways?
It’s as if you see the best aspects of their personality, but you can’t help but also notice that this person is holding you back in a way that is frustrating and frustrating.
You feel held back and wonder if there is a way to communicate this to your partner or if you will have to break up.
This has happened to me and I’ve seen it over and over again in my friends’ relationships: They’re in love and committed, but they’re also blocked from thriving.
No relationship is perfect, but if you notice these things happening, it means your partner is standing in your way of reaching your potential…
1) Your partner belittles your dreams
If you are with someone who looks down on your dreams, this is a clear sign that he or she is holding you back.
Let me be clear:
No partner owes you constant approval or encouragement, and your dreams are your dreams.
But at the very least, it’s important to be with someone who stands by your side and respects your goals.
When you have a partner who belittles your dreams or focuses on their mistakes, it’s no wonder you feel disappointed and limited.
The person closest to you is the one who gives your future a thumbs up!
This links to the next point…
2) Your partner ignores or interferes with your career goals
Your career goals can serve as a kind of north star to point yourself toward.
When you have a partner who tells you that your career goals are unrealistic or ridiculous, it’s very disappointing.
And it becomes worse when you actually delay your plans, job applications and future plans because of this.
Knowing that being alone will allow you to pursue your career in a more effective way is a terrible feeling.
You are torn between your love for your partner and professional goals that are also very important to you.
3) Your partner turns away from you
Let’s be honest:
No relationship is the perfect balance.
There will always be areas where you give more or take more, and vice versa.
But having a partner who does freeloading is very stressful and holds you back.
How are you supposed to pursue your goals and become who you can be when your partner takes your money, time, and energy without returning the favor?
We all have limits.
Caring for someone is not an excuse to take free advantage of them, in fact, it’s all the more reason why your partner shouldn’t give up on you!
4) Your partner shines for you
Gaslighting is one of the ugliest behaviors to occur in relationships.
If you have a partner who tries to mislead you about what you notice or tell you that it’s your fault, I won’t mince words:
You have a partner who is holding you back.
You have a partner who has his own serious issues that need to be dealt with before he can be in a relationship with anyone.
You may have strong feelings for your partner, but if they are not honest with you and blame you for noticing something is wrong, there is really no excuse.
5) Your partner guilts you
Guilt is another tool often used by a toxic partner.
It can also be a form of gaslighting as well as trying to control you:
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t even think about moving!”
“Why do you have friends like that? They’re so weird and scary!”
These types of typical statements from a toxic partner are meant to make you feel guilty about who you are, the plans you have, and the people you surround yourself with.
This type of statement is ill-considered, and if you let it take over, it will undoubtedly hold you back.
6) Your partner surrounds you with people who have a bad influence
My close friends have had a huge influence on me in my life.
It’s the same for everyone I know.
People in a relationship are introduced to a completely new circle of people in many cases (unless they already share mutual friends with their partner).
The results can be great! But they can also be less than great…
When you have a partner whose friends are lazy, ignorant, hate-filled, or overly negative, it can undoubtedly drag you down.
I’m not saying to expect perfection or exclude anyone with “bad vibes” in your partner’s circle of friends.
Nothing is perfect!
But if your partner has a lot of friends who you find really unlikable and a bad influence, it’s fair to say there’s a good chance they’re holding you back.
7) Your partner does not respect your core values and beliefs
Even if your partner doesn’t share your beliefs or has different values, it’s reasonable to expect basic respect.
When you have a partner who refuses to respect what you stand for, you have a very big problem on your hands.
It is difficult to move forward in life or accomplish much with someone who believes you are fundamentally wrong and considers your principles to be either incorrect or even immoral.
It’s good for couples to disagree, but actively clashing is another matter.
This can lead to all kinds of sparks of passion, sure, but a lasting relationship in which you actually move forward in your life and achieve your goals is very unlikely in such a scenario.
8) Your partner pressures you to agree with him
Respect is a must, but being pressured to agree with your partner is another thing entirely.
First: it is not true.
It’s like an oppressive regime that forces people to adopt a certain belief:
Sure, it might work in keeping people in line publicly for a while, but it’s unlikely to be genuine or based on real consensus.
Second: He is unjust and arrogant:
Why should you be with someone who doesn’t accept your difference of opinion?
As long as there is respect, there is no reason to be pressured to agree with your partner’s opinions.
9) Your partner issues ultimatums and threats
Ultimatums and threats have no place in any relationship!
I really think so.
Obviously there can be firm boundaries, such as “If you don’t stop using drugs I will leave you,” or “If you continue to treat me this way I will leave.”
But threats and ultimatums used as a form of control are strictly prohibited.
If this is happening in your relationship, it is definitely holding you back.
You deserve to have healthy, mature communication without being intimidated.
Ultimatums and threatening statements include:
- “Do this or else…”
- “If you leave me, I swear I will…”
- “It’s over if you don’t…”
- “I won’t do X for you anymore if you don’t do Y…”
10) Your partner expects you to make him happy
Making your partner happy is great!
Being expected to make your partner happy or cheer them up is another thing entirely:
It’s terrible and weighs you down in a completely codependent way.
No one should have to take responsibility for someone else’s well-being.
Even our parents who help us survive and find our way in life should not do that!
In fact, helicopter parents and those who treat their children like a golden child are notorious for spoiling their children by not giving them the space to make their own choices and have their own experiences in life.
You are not responsible for your partner’s happiness.
Your job is to treat them well and be a good partner, not to ensure their happiness!
If they expected that, they lost the plot.
Reach your potential
No one but you can work to reach your potential!
In your career, in your self-development and in every other area, your life path is what you pour your blood, sweat and tears into.
Relationships and those we make connections with are an essential part of discovering our potential.
If your partner is exhibiting many of the above behaviors, it’s time to talk to him directly and clarify your boundaries.
You are suspended:
It’s time to either grow and learn together or go our separate ways.
