It’s sad to think, but it’s often the people closest to us who can push our buttons best.

Manipulation is when someone tries to influence you through some sneaky and deceptive methods.

The methods they take to achieve this can be varied, but the ultimate goal is always the same – control.

It can show up in relationships in many different ways. So, if your partner is doing these things, I’m sorry to say, he is emotionally manipulating you.

1) They urge you to do what they want

It can be manipulated using carrots and sticks.

That is, your partner may try to charm and motivate you, or he may try to make you feel bad and punish you.

Sweet talk doesn’t always sound like manipulation, but it is. Offering insincere flattery to try to convince you to do something you don’t want to do is unfair.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“You’ll look so sexy if you wear that.”

“Come on, live a little, I know you’ll enjoy it if you try it.”

Bottom line: We should not use pressure on our partners in an attempt to persuade and persuade them to fulfill our desires.

2) They act hurt when you do things without them

It’s healthy to have separate interests, hobbies, and friends in a relationship.

It’s good to spend some time away.

But if your partner doesn’t like it, he may feel jealous when you do anything without him.

Jealousy is actually a very ugly emotion. So, instead of openly admitting that they are possessive, they may try to turn it around and act like you are abandoning them.

If they try to make you feel guilty or selfish for making plans that don’t include them, that’s manipulation.

3) They try to blame you for their feelings or actions

They make mistakes, but somehow, it’s still your fault.

How does this work?!

It’s a clever pass of the hand that they manage to avoid all the responsibility and put it back on you.

Were they mean to you in an argument? That’s “just because” you weren’t listening to them.

They got so angry and couldn’t control their temper? It’s “just because” you end them so often.

They cheated on you? It’s “just because” you made them feel so unwanted that they went looking for affection elsewhere.

Yes, there are always reasons behind what we feel and what we do, but that never justifies it.

We are all responsible for our thoughts, feelings, words and actions. regardless.

4) They treat you with silence instead of saying what is wrong

This one is an absolute classic.

It highlights how easily manipulation can creep into any relationship.

Many of us are familiar with being given the cold shoulder as a form of punishment.

Telling your partner that you want to take some time for yourself to process things after a fight is one thing. But it’s completely different when you’ve just closed.

You may have asked several times, “What’s wrong?”, but have been rejected.

“nothing I’m fine.”

But they are clearly not well.

And while they continue to refuse to talk to you about it, nothing is resolved.

While an awkward bout of silent treatment doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, it can indicate deeper problems.

We all know that the quality of a relationship depends on its communication. If they are not involved in it, it is difficult to make it successful.

5) They make you question your version of reality

Also known as gas lighting.

Not only are they denying something, they are twisting things to make you the wrong person.

You end up doubting your awareness of events, and even your sanity.

They may say things like:

• You’re acting crazy
• Your crazy accusations are what kills this relationship
• I never said that
• You’re just too sensitive
• You are completely paranoid

Outright denial, making up lies, and trying to downplay your legitimate concerns all fall under this type of manipulative behavior.

6) They watch you all the time

They always want to know who you are and where you are going at all times.

They explain that it is because they care about you or are concerned for your safety.

They may even insist that, as your partner, they have a right to know these things.

They may:

• You want access to your social media
• Insist on getting your passwords
• You want to check your phone
• We expect you to check in when you are away

Everyone has the right to privacy in a relationship.

No matter how much they try to twist things, remember that having privacy is not the same as secrecy.

7) They play the victim to try to make you feel bad

Acting weak on purpose can give you power over someone.

Because as we all know, when someone is unkind to us or tries to tell us what to do, we are more likely to rebel against them.

But when someone tries to use blame and shame, it is surprisingly effective.

Then we end up monitoring them ourselves, so they don’t have to.

We do what they want because we feel like terrible people if we hurt their feelings and put our own needs or desires first.

That’s why guilt trips can be so effective in getting to your own way in a relationship.

“How could you do this to me” tugs at your heartstrings and prompts you to want to fix things and make your other half feel better.

8) They make mean jokes that sound like disdain

Sarcasm and humor can be a manipulative weapon in relationships.

What is the difference between a joke and an insult?

• How it makes you feel
• Whether you’re laughing together, or if they’re laughing at your expense

Insults may be disguised as “joking” in order to attack you in a passive-aggressive way.

Maybe they want to release some of the frustrations they have with you, which they haven’t learned to communicate in a healthy way.

Or they may be intentionally trying to strip you of your self-confidence and self-esteem in order to put themselves in a position of power over you.

9) They doubt the sincerity of your feelings towards them

“If you really loved me, you would do X, Y, Z.”

“You clearly don’t care about me at all.”

“I’m not sure if you’ve ever loved me.”

I had a friend whose ex-girlfriend constantly resorted to this style of manipulation.

It’s a “woe is me” technique, and it can be very effective.

Because instead of being overtly demanding, they try to present themselves as weaker in order to gain an advantage.

They play the pity card to try to convince you to do what they want or please them.

If they doubt your feelings or loyalty, they hope that you will offer reassurances and a show of affection to prove them wrong.

10) They withdraw affection to try to punish you

Of course, when we have a heated argument, we’re not in the mood to cuddle on the couch right away.

We are all angry with our partners. It’s okay to express your feelings instead of suppressing them.

But there is a way to do it.

We can let someone know that we’re angry and hurt, and we can even explain that we’d rather have some space.

But frowning for days on end is not healthy.

It is the withdrawal of love and attention as a way to hurt the other person.

11) They don’t accept no

If you say no to them or reject them it seems, you will never hear the end of it.

Instead of respecting your decision, they will continue to bother you.

It’s a bit like pretty modern but without the charm. They will continue to wear you down until your willpower falters.

They may question your choices or try to make you feel like you made the wrong decision.

Basically, they don’t respect your boundaries.

When your choices don’t match their preferences, they won’t be happy.

12) They use your fears against you

Our partners often know us better than anyone else.

We open up to them countless intimate details. They gain insight into the inner workings of our brains.

They know our deepest fears and our greatest fears.

A manipulative partner may use these things against you to make you feel bad.

They may bring up certain things during an argument to try to get you to back down. Or they may use this information to persuade you to do or not do something.

13) They never let the past fall

I made mistakes. Aren’t we all?!

But every disagreement between you, all your transgressions are drawn back.

Even when your fights have nothing to do with it, that doesn’t stop your partner from using them as ammunition against you.

Instead of moving forward and letting go, you are constantly being pulled back into the past.

They use it because it gives them an automatic moral advantage in your current dispute.

It allows them to be right, and reminds you that you are wrong or a “bad person.”

Fraud can be difficult to detect

When you’re in the thick of it, you don’t always realize it’s happening.

So it’s important to step back and ask yourself where manipulation might be showing up in your relationship.

But here’s the truth: It’s always wrong, but it’s very common, even if in small, subtle ways.

You may be unwittingly guilty of this yourself from time to time.

That’s why we should all work hard to learn better communication techniques and what a healthy relationship should look like.