Dealing with emotional manipulators is difficult, but the first step toward a solution is acknowledging the problem.
Once you recognize their manipulative behavior, you can set boundaries, practice confident communication, and find support from people you trust as well as professionals.
So, let’s dive in!
1) It makes you feel guilty about things that are not your fault
Emotional manipulators have a way of changing situations so that you end up feeling responsible for their problems or actions.
It is incredibly popular and one of their favorite tools.
They say things like, “If you cared about me, you wouldn’t do that,” even if your actions had no negative intent.
Dealing with this type of behavior is especially frustrating because you are always blamed for things, regardless of whether it is your fault or not.
Emotional manipulators are also experts at making you feel guilty for even the smallest things.
They say things like, “If you loved me, you would do this for me,” to manipulate you into doing what they want.
And then you also have to deal with this:
2) They use your weaknesses against you
Emotional manipulators are quick to identify your weaknesses. They exploit your fears, insecurities, or past traumas as leverage in arguments or to get you to comply with their desires.
For example, if you are insecure about your physical appearance, they will make hurtful comments about your appearance, making you believe that no one else will find you attractive or love you as much as they do.
Or they use your troubled relationship with a family member against you, saying, “No wonder your family doesn’t get along with you. You’re impossible to do business with.”
Either way, they use these hurtful and insensitive comments to keep you indebted to them because they are the only ones who can “tolerate” you.
3) They play the victim
Playing the victim card is also one of their favorite things for emotional manipulators to do. They present themselves as the victim, even when they are the ones causing the harm.
They will paint a picture of themselves as someone who is suffering and needs support, making you feel guilty for questioning their actions.
Here’s a real example of something that happened to me:
I had an argument with one of my co-workers over a simple matter. Instead of addressing the issue, they dramatically shouted, “Why do you always tease me? I can’t believe you’re so mean!”
This shifted the focus from the actual problem to them being victims. Keep in mind this was our second interaction ever.
4) They are very critical
Constant criticism is another hallmark of emotional manipulation. They will pick on your choices, actions, or appearance, making you feel like you can never do anything right.
They don’t just provide constructive feedback. They make mistakes, highlight the smallest flaws and blow them out of proportion.
For example, they criticize the way you cooked dinner, stating that it was inedible because you used too much salt.
5) They use sarcasm and passive-aggressive comments
Many manipulators do not like to deal with issues and people directly. They love to play games, and sarcasm and passive-aggressive comments are great for that.
Their indirect approach leaves you feeling confused and hurt without them having to take responsibility for their words.
For example, if you make a mistake, they will say, “Bravo! You really outdid yourself this time,” in a sarcastic tone.
Or they leave sticky notes with sarcastic comments like: “I think some people don’t know how to clean themselves.”
But, besides being sarcastic, they also like to give you the silent treatment.
6) They give the silent treatment
Sometimes, you get the upper hand over the emotional manipulator. Or you made them angry or challenged their control, which is not difficult to do.
In these cases and many others, emotional manipulators resort to the silent treatment.
Using this tactic, they want to make you feel anxious and push you to seek their forgiveness or approval.
7) They make you doubt yourself
Emotional manipulators are skilled at making you question your judgment, memory, and emotions.
They say things like, “You’re overreacting” or “I never said that,” which makes you doubt your perceptions.
It’s called “gaslighting,” and it involves manipulating your sense of reality. They deny things they said or did, or even distort events to make you doubt your sanity.
This leads to feelings of confusion and self-doubt. Similar to the following:
8) They use emotional outbursts
Emotional manipulators often throw tantrums, scream, or make dramatic displays of emotion to intimidate and control you.
When they don’t get what they want, they suddenly raise their voices, close doors, or even throw things in anger.
In doing so, they make it difficult for you to stand your ground or express your needs.
They are like a time bomb because you never know when the situation will escalate.
9) They prevent affection
As a form of punishment, EM withdraws physical affection, love, or attention. This emotional withdrawal causes you emotional pain and makes you more compliant to regain their approval.
This way, you are under their control again, otherwise they threaten to leave you.
If you allow them to influence you, you will be afraid to speak up because their withdrawal will happen over and over again until you self-censor.
10) They manipulate your actions
Emotional manipulators have a knack for making you do things you don’t want to do. They use guilt, threats, or emotional pressure to make you comply with their desires or demands.
Let’s say you made plans with a friend, but the emotional manipulator wants you to cancel it and spend time with him instead.
“I thought we were close,” they say. “I guess I don’t care about you,” making you feel guilty for keeping your commitment to your friend.
Or if you want to spend some time doing your hobbies, but the manipulator insists that you spend all your free time with her.
Then they say, “If you really loved me, you’d give up those silly hobbies. Otherwise, I don’t know if I could be with someone so selfish.”
This is an obvious attempt to pressure you into giving up your interests.
11) They cross your borders
Manipulators often ignore your personal boundaries, whether physical or emotional.
They invade your personal space, read your private messages, or force you to reveal information you would rather keep to yourself.
This is just manipulation 101. The earlier you realize this, the better.
Unfortunately for many people, they find out what their partner is like when it’s already too late.
They are already married or have children, and getting out of the relationship is much more difficult.
In this case, you need to set firm boundaries, or else. If you don’t stand up for yourself, they will attack you forever.
12) They distort the truth
Emotional manipulators also like to distort facts to fit their narrative or to make themselves look better.
They do this without flinching, so it is difficult to tell through their teeth that they are lying.
They change details of past events to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, even if it means making you look bad.
This is the way things are, and if you think you can change it, you are delusional.
Final thoughts
Ultimately, identifying an emotional manipulator is relatively easy. If you know what to look for, that is.
But of course, that’s when the real battle begins because you need to take a stand and protect your principles, values and rights.
