We often hear about the telltale signs of a toxic friend.

Out of a group of you, someone will always be the villain – whether the most popular or the one lurking in the shadows.

But being manipulated (especially by someone who is supposed to be a trusted and supportive friend) is bad.

So what can you do about it?

Well, first of all, start looking for the subtle signs that you are dealing with a conniving and manipulative person.

Catching these things early can save you a lot of unnecessary stress.

Are you ready to uncover the hidden signs that someone isn’t quite as benevolent as they seem?

Let’s dive into the 15 subtle signs that you’re dealing with a manipulative boyfriend.

1) They always play the victim

Everyone goes through tough times and needs a shoulder to lean on, but with a manipulative boyfriend, you’ll start to notice a pattern.

They always seem to play the victim, no matter the situation.

If they can’t accept responsibility for anything that goes wrong in their life, and if it’s always someone else’s fault, consider this a subtle sign of manipulation.

What makes it difficult is that it is wrapped in empathy and compassion, making it difficult to spot at first. But once you do, it’s a clear red flag for manipulation.

2) Their apology lacks sincerity

Apologies are an integral part of any relationship, including friendships.

We all make mistakes, and apologizing is how we make things right and grow together.

However, when dealing with a manipulative friend, you may notice that their apologies lack integrity (or they refuse to apologize altogether).

They may mutter something that sounds like “sorry,” but their actions remain unchanged.

Or even worse.

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

They will spin it around and use apologies as a tool to dismiss or belittle your feelings, completely removing themselves from any position of accountability.

This subtlety can be deceiving, as it’s easy to believe they’re sincerely sorry if they actually admit and say something.

But it is important to pay attention to their actions after apologizing and see if their words are in line with their feelings.

3) They show excessive positivity

Positivity in general is a great trait in a friend.

However, when it is excessive and ignores your feelings, it may be a sign of manipulation.

If your friend is constantly pushing you to “look on the bright side” or “just be happy,” especially when you’re dealing with difficult situations, he may be trying to control your emotional reactions for his own comfort.

They don’t have the time or energy to deal with your sad or depressing state.

How boring that would be!

Toxic positivity is so much more satisfying…

(Irony – this is by no means true friendship. Friends endure good and evil together.)

Always feeling like you have to smile can make you feel frustrated and rejected, which is not the hallmark of true friendship.

4) They are very critical

A true friend must be supportive and uplifting; Not someone who makes you feel inadequate or inferior.

If you find that your friend is overly critical of you and constantly points out your flaws or belittles your accomplishments, it may be a sign of manipulation.

These may come with a reverse back as well.

“Oh wow! You look so cute. I didn’t know you could clean up like that!”

“This new haircut really makes your nose look better. Go you!”

“I love how life is like in your house. So weird!”

Statements like the above indicate that this “friend” may be trying to lower your self-esteem in order to control you.

It is important to remember that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and no one is perfect.

A good friend will help you grow, not tear you down.

5) They are always asking for favors

We all need a helping hand from time to time, and it’s completely normal to ask friends for favors.

If you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.

However, if you find that your friend is constantly asking for help, and the services are becoming more and more demanding…

However, they never offer help in return, or promise but never actually deliver, which seems to me like a one-sided relationship.

They may take advantage of your kindness and generosity to serve their own needs.

True friendship is about give and take, so if you feel like you’re always giving and they’re always taking, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.

6) They struggle to accept “no” for an answer

The right to say “no” is essential in any relationship.

It’s a tough word for people pleasers too (who often fall prey to the manipulators out there).

If you find that your friend has a hard time accepting rejection — or constantly crosses your boundaries or makes you feel guilty for setting boundaries — it could be a sign of manipulation or general disrespect.

They probably feel as if their needs and desires are more important than yours.

This is by no means a healthy basis for friendship, as two people should always consider themselves equals and respect each other.

7) They are never happy with your success

True friends celebrate each other’s accomplishments and successes.

They are the fans in our corner, supporting us every step of the way. They know our weaknesses and insecurities too, and will cheer even harder when we overcome something they know is a struggle for us.

But if you notice that this friend never seems truly happy with your successes, or perhaps changes the subject or belittles your accomplishments, this could be a subtle sign of manipulation.

They may feel threatened by your success or suffer from feelings of jealousy or inadequacy.

Because for many manipulators, there is only the number one position they sit on. They drive everyone away from the throne.

Healthy friendships thrive on mutual support and genuine happiness in each other’s victories – no matter how big or small.

8) They have a grudge

We all make mistakes, and tolerance is an essential component of friendship.

However, if your friend is holding onto a grudge, constantly reminding you of past mistakes or using them as ammunition in arguments, it could be a sign of manipulation.

Forgiveness ultimately involves letting go of those mistakes. How else can you move forward if you keep coming back to the same disagreement and tearing up at that person?

But the manipulator may use these grudges to guilt you or gain the upper hand in the relationship.

If you mess up, you’ll be instantly reminded of that one time, 3 years ago, when you spilled coffee on their couch.

This behavior is not only unhealthy; It’s actually harmful when you start to feel as if you’re teetering on eggshells around them.

Friendships should be built on understanding and tolerance, not on resentment and scorekeeping.

9) They use your secrets against you

In true friendship, shared secrets are kept secret and respected.

We build on our relationships by sharing secrets like little snippets of our hearts; Trade it to gain trust and allow others to understand us better.

However, if your friend uses this sensitive information against you, taking advantage of it to manipulate or control the situation, this is a major red flag.

This betrayal of trust not only breaks the bond of friendship, but is also a clear sign of manipulation.

Your personal information should never be used as a weapon.

If you find that your friend is using your sensitive secrets against you, it’s definitely time to get out quickly.

10) They constantly compare you to others

Comparison is a tool often used by manipulative people to belittle or control others.

If this friend is constantly comparing you to others, telling you that you are less intelligent, less attractive, and less intelligent, this is a subtle sign of manipulation.

By belittling a person’s self-worth, you make it easier to manipulate them to your advantage.

So stay away from those who belittle you. Even if they try to pretend it’s a joke.

11) They rarely provide support when you need it

A true friend provides unwavering emotional support when you are going through difficult times.

But if this friend is rarely there to help you in times of need (suddenly his phone turns off, or he has one emergency after another…), or even belittles your problems, it could be a sign of manipulation.

Or just a bad friend.

They get what they want from you, but they have little interest in supporting your particular causes.

12) Makes you feel guilty for spending time with others

If your boyfriend makes you feel guilty for spending time with other people, that’s a pretty big sign of manipulation.

Friends should share friends, introduce people they care about to each other, and encourage individualism wherever possible.

But manipulators largely want to monopolize your time and attention, and isolate you from other relationships.

They’ll be envious if you want to spend time with anyone else, and will likely belittle that person in the same way they sometimes shred your ego.

13) They always change their plans at the last minute

Subtle manipulator!

If your friend frequently changes plans at the last minute, this may be an indication of manipulation.

Because if you give something delicious and then take it away, the recipient starts craving it more.

This is why a manipulator may engage in this behavior to control your time and keep you on your toes.

This unpredictability can create a dynamic where you’re always trying to please them, and start waiting impatiently for their next text, their next call…

14) They use the silent treatment as a weapon

The silent treatment is a terrible but common manipulative tactic.

If your friend ignores you or stays silent when he or she is upset with you instead of addressing the issue, this is either a sign of manipulation or poor communication skills.

Because silence is replaced by punishment.

As mentioned above, manipulators work in ways that make us crave them more.

So you’ll be chewing your nails on the edge of your seat if they suddenly get cold.

You will work ten times harder to prove your worth and will feel happy when they finally see you as worthy of a response.

15) They make you question your memory or judgment

Finally, if your friend makes you question your memory or judgment and gaslight, we are likely to conclude that this is a manipulative person.

They tell you that you are misremembering events that you were sure had happened.

They tell you that you are too sensitive.

They say you’re crazy.

Gaslighting starts out in subtle ways, but it grows and grows until it consumes you, leaving you unsure of your perception of reality and incredibly distrustful.

Ward away manipulators

Although you shouldn’t be overly paranoid about every friendship, you should also remain vigilant and committed.

Look for recurring behaviors or patterns that trigger concerns and tingles, and trust your instincts.

Because this is not about labeling everyone as manipulative, but rather about recognizing when a pattern of behavior becomes apparent, and that pattern indicates manipulative behavior.

Remember, you deserve healthy, supportive, uplifting friendships.

If you find yourself in a persistently abusive relationship, where manipulation causes emotional damage, do yourself a favor and walk away.

Check out these clever comebacks to get back at a manipulator, too.

Your emotional health is precious, and you are worth more than putting up with a friendship that doesn’t respect or value you.

Ward away manipulators

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