The idea of being manipulated is unsettling, and the reality is downright disturbing. Unfortunately, there are many people in the world, from salespeople, cult leaders, and influencers to friends, coworkers, or partners, who may seek to manipulate you.

But do not worry! In this article, I will share some invaluable tips to stop master manipulators in their tracks.

1) Realize that they are manipulating you

This may seem obvious, but the first step to confronting a manipulator is to realize what they are doing. And if they’re really good at it, it can be difficult. Especially if you are a kind and reliable person.

Ask yourself these questions:

Do you receive a lot of compliments, or do they bombard you with love? Then later insult or disrespect you? This is a form of hot and cold play and is one of the main tactics used by manipulators.

Are they playing on your emotions? This usually looks like discovering your weaknesses, such as your fears or things you are proud of. Once they do this, they will exploit these issues and emotions to make you feel bad.

Do they eventually end up making you do what they want? Or do you regularly walk away from them feeling bad or exhausted? Or wonders if you are a good person or even your mind?!

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, they are probably manipulating you.

2) Set your boundaries

The next step is to set your boundaries.

Master manipulators will try to confuse you and make the lines between right and wrong, fair and unfair, blurry, and perverted according to their desires. By having a relatively objective understanding of what fair boundaries are, you will have a yardstick by which you can measure their actions.

Here are some good boundaries you can set for yourself:

Your time is valuable. You can say “no” to requests, requirements, or obligations that stress you out.

Your feelings and opinions deserve respect, even when you disagree. Cursing, bullying, and dismissal invalidate you.

Your personal space, money, property, and privacy belong to you. It may not be taken or used without clear consent.

Only you make major life decisions – where to live, work, relationships, etc. External pressure to comply violates the right to self-determination.

You expect honesty and authenticity in relationships. Deception, omitting facts, or concealing intentions crosses the line.

Your body is inviolable and its boundaries are sacred. Any touching against your will is unacceptable, regardless of the rationale.

You may opt out of conversations, interactions, or activities that you find draining, unproductive, abusive, or manipulative without guilt or apology.

The needs, demands, or values of others do not supersede your own needs, demands, or values by default. Compromise requires effort from both parties, not just you.
Keeping these personal boundaries in mind helps detect when a manipulative person is aiming to control, use, crush, or upset you. Crossing these lines is always unacceptable.

3) Do not feed the monkey

Now that you know how to identify manipulation and what boundaries to set, what can you do to show that you will stand your ground?

A manipulator will often try to get you involved by insulting or insulting you for your behavior. They do this to fire you and get a refund. Anything you say can be used against you. So… stop responding or trying to defend yourself.

Just say yes, nod, or mmm. Agree on the surface but check on the inside.

The caveat here is that you don’t have to internalize what they say. It is rather a case of disengaging and not giving them fuel to continue the fire. When a monkey doesn’t get food, it will go looking elsewhere!

You are essentially “removing the narcissistic supply.”

4) But don’t feed their ego

Well, it’s not necessarily recommended, but it’s a tip shared by Kanika Batra, a YouTuber who has been diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) and narcissism.

She advises those who want to manipulate a manipulator to play on their sense of ego and need for validation.

Basically the majority of narcissists and manipulators (with the exception of grandiose narcissists) have very low self-esteem. They will do their best to regulate their personality and control what people think of them. This usually makes them frustrate you and manipulate you.

Kanika tells the story of her childhood friend Alice who realizes that Kanika likes to seem rich and will exaggerate her status. Alice will play on this, pretending she doesn’t have money. After that, Kanika will buy her all sorts of things to make herself feel happy and important, and to reassert her claim to wealth.

Many years later, Kanika discovered that Alice had the same amount of money as she did. The manipulator has been manipulated.

5) Don’t praise them anymore

This is the opposite strategy. Instead of feeding their ego and buying into their narrative of being the greatest, simply stop praising them.

If they proudly tell you about something they did, just look at a blank, uninterested face. This is another way to cut off the unsafe manipulator’s supply.

But be careful, they will likely start a fight about something afterward. Be prepared to apply other tips like…

6) Keep them at arm’s length – or avoid them

If this person is not the person you live with, just walk away when they try to manipulate you. If you can’t avoid them completely for whatever reason – perhaps they work where you work – you can still remain outwardly friendly, but don’t allow them to get too close.

Don’t tell them any personal information about you (for example, don’t give them ammunition!) And if they suggest meeting up outside of work or school, politely decline.

This way you can avoid stress or drama but also avoid being manipulated.

7) Keep saying no

Not all salespeople are bad, I mean you need to buy things, and salespeople can be very helpful. But some people mess around.

Many years ago, I was trained in various selling techniques as part of my door-to-door salesperson job. (Yes, I know that’s annoying! But for most people, we were already providing a cheaper alternative to their energy supplier.)

One of the rules we learned was “three nos and then go.” Now not all salespeople will respect these rules. But many will do so, in the hope that they are being ethical. But in the case of a manipulator, they will realize that you are serious and that they are wasting their time.

Simply say no politely and firmly. If they don’t stop or follow up on the third rejection, you can go.

8) Close the conversation

Another technique that salespeople sometimes use is “closing the deal.” So instead of asking you if you want to buy something or not, they say, “How do you want to pay – cash or card?” This gives you two options, both of which you want.

Another way to do this is to ask a question that the other person can’t realistically say no to, such as – “We all want to save money, right?”

You can reverse this and close the conversation. how? Tell the person: “Thanks, but I’m not really interested and I have to go now.” Is this good? The magic lies in the last sentence. Often times, a manipulator will be so surprised by your question that he or she will have nothing to say but yes.

Because how can they really say no to that? bubble! I just closed closer!

finalthoughts

Being manipulated can be a terrible experience. We hope these tips help you stand up and resist their games.

But if that’s not enough or you’re feeling too much stress, unhappiness or helplessness, consult friends, family or people in authority.

Always remember your limits and be honest with them. Don’t be afraid to ask others to defend you if that’s what you want.