Toxic people are everywhere, but what does toxicity actually mean?
Mainstream psychology is moving away from a single definition of toxicity because the term is so widely used.
However, psychology defines many behaviors as harmful to oneself and others, and this is exactly what most people understand as toxicity.
Toxic people manipulate others, drain their energy, bring them down, and lower their self-esteem.
Related : 6 signs someone is indirectly manipulating you, according to psychology
So, there are a lot of behaviors that can define a toxic person, only some of which are the result of well-defined psychological conditions such as narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and psychopathy.
Let’s move on from definitions and look at actions, because it’s what people do that makes them toxic to others.
To help you recognize them, here are seven signs that you’re dealing with a toxic person, according to psychology, and one you should consider cutting out of your life.
1) They are passive aggressive (or just aggressive).
Aggressive people are easy to spot because their behavior is obvious, but that doesn’t make them any less toxic.
These are people who will go out of their way to push, bully, and hurt others. They will deliberately generate anger and frustration in others and try to spread bad moods.
I’m sure you would consider all of this to be toxic behavior.
Is passive aggression better?
When someone is passive aggressive, they are carrying some deep frustration or anger, yet they are not expressing it directly. They are either afraid to confront others directly or are just very sneaky.
When someone yells at you or attacks you, you can be sure that this has happened. But with passive aggression, things may not be so clear.
It’s hard to prove who keeps throwing your shoes into the bushes because you left them in the wrong place. Is someone scamming you or is their phone really broken like they claim?
This behavior can have toxic consequences because it is indirect, difficult to prove, and confusing, so it is almost impossible to deal with it directly and effectively.
2) They drain your energy.
There are a lot of people who will drain your energy and make you feel like you are putting more into them than you are putting into yourself.
Narcissists in particular are known for draining your energy because of all the demands they place on the people around them.
These are people who feel they deserve special treatment and demand excessive admiration. Not just attention, they actually need to feel admired and praised.
These people always need to get things done their way and are constantly demanding of you. They need to be the center of attention at all times, and when they are not, they get upset and require more attention to please them.
If you have these types of toxic people in your life, you will notice that your physical and emotional energy dwindles over time.
You will have less time to take care of your own needs because this toxic person is always demanding that you take care of his or her needs.
3) They act like a victim.
Throughout our lives, we are exploited or harmed.
But there are many people who either greatly exaggerate these types of negative experiences or completely invent them.
Why?
They are looking for attention and sympathy, or they are manipulative to try to gain some benefit. People can play the victim by exaggerating their injuries or simply by remaining silent so that it is assumed that they were harmed because they were part of a group of people who were victimized.
Related : If someone repeatedly uses these 12 phrases, they may be subtly criticising you
This behavior is clearly wrong and misleading. Furthermore, it actually takes attention and resources away from the people who were actual victims.
Imagine that you have two co-workers who are accused of stealing from the office. If someone plays the victim and recruits others to believe them and stand with them against what they say are false allegations, it could mean that the other person is fired even though they are innocent!
This behavior is toxic and clearly designed to manipulate your trust and play on your empathy.
Many people have no qualms about letting others do their dirty work.
This is especially true of narcissists who, like the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz, will recruit an army of flying monkeys to do their bidding.
These people may or may not know they are being used.
They may be recruited to help the toxic person because they have been manipulated into believing they have been hurt because of you. They may also be targeting you themselves but they wouldn’t dare do anything about it on their own.
But when there is a superior leader willing to push them into action, they may feel that they have strength in numbers and must be right and justified in their actions.
You could suddenly find yourself ostracized, ignored, or even hated by a group of people for no good reason.
Of course, this doesn’t have to be directed at you. You may be one of the people they are trying to recruit as a flying monkey to rally and harm someone else.
Unfortunately, this is something that many toxic people excel at and is a danger to always look out for.
4) They judge you and others.
Life is challenging enough without people telling you that you’re not doing well.
But that’s exactly what a lot of toxic people do.
Whether they do it to you or to other people around you, the results can be very negative.
People who are quick to judge must think they are better than the people they are judging, in order to feel justified in doing so, right?
Often times, this is exactly the case.
However, sometimes, their judgments are based on jealousy, spite, and malice directed at people who appear to be more socially or professionally successful than them.
So, if someone gets the promotion they wanted, they might start acting mean and judge them for cheating, licking their shoes, or even sleeping their way to the top.
Likewise, if you are happy with your work, even though you are not making a lot of money, they may judge you as a loser or someone who is too lazy to seek more rewards.
Such judgment is generally spiteful and jealous rather than constructive, which is something you do not need in your life.
5) They flock to you.
Many people have no qualms about letting others do their dirty work.
This is especially true of narcissists who, like the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz, will recruit an army of flying monkeys to do their bidding.
These people may or may not know they are being used.
They may be recruited to help the toxic person because they have been manipulated into believing they have been hurt because of you. They may also be targeting you themselves but they wouldn’t dare do anything about it on their own.
But when there is a superior leader willing to push them into action, they may feel that they have strength in numbers and must be right and justified in their actions.
You could suddenly find yourself ostracized, ignored, or even hated by a group of people for no good reason.
Of course, this doesn’t have to be directed at you. You may be one of the people they are trying to recruit as a flying monkey to rally and harm someone else.
Unfortunately, this is something that many toxic people excel at and is a danger to always look out for.
6) They highlight you.
Gaslighting is a form of abuse.
It is based on actions designed to sow seeds of self-doubt and ultimately make the person doubt their judgment and perception of reality.
This behavior can be incredibly harmful because it attacks a person’s self-confidence and drains their self-esteem.
How is it done?
Gaslighters change history by retelling stories in ways that promote themselves as good and their victims as bad or unreliable. They tell their victims that they remember things wrong or even accuse them of lying when in fact they are manipulating reality themselves.
Why?
Their ultimate goal is to control their victims by being the only ones with the correct version of reality and history.
Gaslighting is often used by people who also engage in physical and sexual abuse as a tool to comfort and debilitate their victims.
This is clearly very toxic behavior and a sign that you should stay away from this person as soon as possible.
7) They put you down.
People who attack your self-esteem are toxic.
While you may think that self-esteem is based solely on how you feel about yourself, it is actually enhanced by how others perceive and treat you.
So, when you feel like you’re a good, valuable person, but others keep telling you otherwise, it can definitely undermine your self-esteem.
Here’s how toxic people do it.
They directly insult you, saying things like “You’re no good” and “No one likes you.”
They also negatively compare you to others to make you feel inferior with statements like, “Even so-and-so can do it. Why can’t you?” or “You’ll never be as good as your brother.”
Why do people underestimate others in the first place?
In general, people who belittle others do so because they feel insecure and have low self-esteem. They feel threatened when they see others succeeding and acting confident, so they try to pull them down so they don’t look so bad in comparison.
This belittling can have long-term negative effects on people’s self-esteem, which is why it’s so important to stay away from toxic people who engage in this type of behavior.
Final thoughts
Do these seven signs that you’re dealing with a toxic person, according to psychology, sound familiar?
If so, you should immediately start re-evaluating your relationship with anyone you consider toxic.
These people will only add pain and hardship to your life, and it is best to stay away from them as much as possible.
