People with narcissism are not inherently bad people. But it can be tough yet. Here are red flags to look for.

You’ve recently started dating a charming and confident person, but you’re starting to notice a shallow and selfish side. They seem to lack any signs of empathy or weakness.

Is it possible to know if you are dating a narcissist?

Although only a mental health professional can diagnose narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), if you notice that the person you’ve started dating exhibits narcissistic traits, you may want to proceed with caution.

Dating someone with narcissistic traits can be difficult and may require adjusting your expectations about what a relationship should be like.

Signs that you are dating a narcissist

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a Cluster B personality disorder characterized by an exaggerated sense of self, a lack of empathy, and an intense need for admiration.

Narcissistic personality disorder is estimated to affect 7.7% of males and 4.8% of females in the general population, so you may have encountered someone with narcissism or even dated someone with these traits.

A partner with narcissistic traits is more likely to play games, act in manipulative ways, and use you for their own benefit. If the person you’re dating displays these traits, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed to failure. However, a relationship with a narcissist may also be different from what you are used to.

For example, dating someone with narcissistic traits may require accommodations, changes in expectations, and understanding that there is a high potential for harm. Many people with narcissism are unaware of their condition, which makes it especially important to go into a relationship prepared for some toxic behavior.

Here are some red flags of narcissism to watch out for:

Lacks empathy. They seem unable or unwilling to empathize with others, and they seem to have no desire for emotional intimacy.
An unrealistic sense of entitlement. They expect others to fulfill their desires and may become angry when they are corrected, put down, or treated as if they were “normal.”

He must be the center of attention. They may feel unreasonably upset if they feel ignored or if someone else gets more attention than them.

Displays arrogant behavior and attitudes. They may constantly talk about their successes, romantic conquests, or money. They may “complain” about how much they are beaten.

He exploits and exploits others. They use others for their own gain. For example, they may “friend” someone just so they can use their pool or get rides to work.

They regularly talk about their fantasies of power, success, or beauty. Conversations often revolve around material things and don’t go very deep.

He acts as if they are exceptionally “special”. They feel that they can only be understood by other “special” people.

Envy others or believe that others envy them. They may talk about people they secretly envy, or make up their own reasons why that person is successful, attractive, likable, etc. (“She only looks good because of all that plastic surgery.”)

How to spot a narcissistic person on the first date

You’re on a first date with someone exciting and fun but you’re concerned that he or she might be a bit cocky or superficial. Could your new date have narcissistic traits?

While it’s difficult to spot a potential narcissist on a first date, you may be able to spot some red flags:

Did they love bombard you? Has your date been bombarding you with emotional texts from the beginning? Love bombing — excessive, affectionate communication and gestures (compliments, gifts, etc.) at the beginning of a romantic relationship — is usually done by narcissists to gain power and control over you.

In fact, research suggests that love bombing may be a necessary strategy for romantic relationships among people with high narcissistic traits and low levels of self-esteem. Of course, people who are not narcissistic can also have love bombs, but this is usually because they really like you and because they are trying to control you.

Pay attention to conversations. Do their conversations tend to revolve only around their interests? Do their eyes light up when you start talking? Do they seem to focus more on material things like cars or nice shoes?

How do they treat others? Narcissists can be indifferent or even rude toward people they believe are “less than them.” Pay attention if your companion complains a lot or gets angry with the waiter over small things. Do they enjoy making the waiter feel uncomfortable?

Do they have an excessive need for attention and validation? Do they seem overly concerned with their appearance? Do they constantly look around to see who is looking at them?

Do they never become vulnerable? Does your date focus only on all of their accomplishments and successes? Do they avoid personal questions? Are they focused on making you vulnerable instead?

Did you catch them lying? Look for lies, games, and any manipulative tactics. They may have told you that they haven’t had any contact with their ex, but in the middle of your date, they get a call from their ex.

Do you like them less as the night goes on? Research suggests that narcissists tend to make a great first impression due to their self-confidence, but this impression tends to decline over time due to a lack of true connection and depth.

Red flags for Group B

Narcissistic personality disorder is classified as a Cluster B personality disorder. Disorders in this group are defined by dramatic and erratic feelings and behaviors.

Other Cluster B disorders include antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, and histrionic personality disorder. People with these disorders often have overlapping symptoms with other disorders.

Red flags for Cluster B disorders may include:

Unstable relationships
Easily aroused/volatile emotions
Focus obsessively on appearance
Engages in inappropriate behaviors to get praise or attention
Easily influenced by others
Thinking relationships are closer or more intimate than they actually are
Unable to control anger
He manipulates others
Difficulty maintaining long-term relationships
Acts irresponsibly
Lacks guilt
Feelings of emptiness
Lack of self-reflection