When you first started dating, your family and friends tried to warn you about your boyfriend’s narcissism; However, you ignored their objections and ignored his narcissistic personality traits because you wanted so badly to be in a relationship and fall in love.
But now, you’re worried that your worst fear has come true: You’re in love with a narcissist.
At first, she focused solely on his charm and charismatic demeanor, which he could activate in a nanosecond if it served him at that moment.
But, like a trained puppeteer, you now realize that he is the master of push and pull in your relationship. It is as if you have freely given your narcissistic partner restrictions that affect your identity, personality, self-esteem, and well-being.
And although you may feel grateful when your boyfriend comes back after he’s moved away from you—all part of a narcissist’s psychological mind games—dismissing his past behavior only feeds his narcissism and keeps him in charge of the dynamic of your relationship.
Related: The Hard Truths I Learned About Life & Love From Dating A Narcissist
Here are 8 scary signs that you love a man with narcissistic personality traits, so you can check them before you decide what to do about it.
- He has you wrapped around his finger
You may also experience Stockholm Syndrome, where you feel an irrational sense of loyalty or devotion toward your captor — or in this case, your narcissistic partner. - You are not allowed to have a voice in your relationship
Does he control the sexual relationship? Does he make decisions about your relationships? Your friends? your family?
When he says, “It’s okay to hang out with so-and-so,” is there always a price to pay when you return, whether it’s emotional withdrawal, distancing, anger, or punishment?
- He plays with your feelings
Men with a narcissistic personality enjoy manipulating women. That’s why your boyfriend is always there for you when you’re at your lowest — when you’re groveling, begging for attention, or begging for a hug. But once you get that hug, you then start hating yourself for being so pathetic. - He is not committed to working on improving your relationship
You can’t change it. He can’t change unless he wants to. He doesn’t see the need to change because he’s the smartest person in the room. It is a nice. He doesn’t think he needs to change because he’s always right.
Related: Why A Bully In The Workplace Could Actually Be A Narcissist (& How To Stop It)
- He blames you for everything
A man with narcissistic personality traits will not take responsibility for his behavior. He’s good at pointing the finger at you. You are responsible for any and all negativity in your relationship.
You are like a broken compass: the needle of the problem is always pointed at you.
- He attacks you
Gunnysacking, defined as “an alienating combat tactic in which a person holds or carries grievances, until the bag becomes too heavy and bursts, and old hostilities spill over,” is common in relationships with narcissists.
Imagine a burlap bag filled with all the sins, flaws, mistakes, and problems that your partner has accused you of and accused you of. Every time you act in a way that he thinks is wrong – bam! – Another item is added to the burlap bag.
Then, any time he thinks you’ve crossed him, like when you challenge him or stand up for your rights, all the mistakes you’ve made over the course of your relationship come crashing down. He lashes out at you with these mistakes over and over again until you’re an emotional mess.
- He deliberately tramples on your self-esteem
Think about what you were like when you first entered the relationship. When have you allowed yourself to emotionally disintegrate? It is always imperceptible. It is a slow leak that cannot be captured in the calendar.
Your narcissistic friend wants you to remain barely successful and capable enough to be attractive and interesting. So that he can defeat you to a submissive level.
- He uses you
The narcissist is king of being an emotional predator. He has no remorse for his narcissism. This is who he is. He wants to be loved for who he is; However, he does not accept affection in the way she wants. The relationship is 100 percent on his terms.
