Because of their underlying sense of worthlessness and compensatory grandiosity, narcissists play by different rules than the rest of us. Here is a short list of things healthy people do that you would never see a narcissist do.
Narcissist’s list of never-do’s
- Apologize.
Admitting a mistake is uncomfortable for most people, but the give and take in relationships sometimes requires admitting a mistake. Healthy people usually know when to apologize and are willing to apologize. Whether we interrupted, failed to keep a promise, said something hurtful, or lost our temper beyond reasonable limits, we offer an apology to show respect and care.
The narcissist, on the other hand, never apologizes. He sees himself above suspicion, and never feels like he has done anything wrong. His sense of superiority over others is reinforced by his belief that other, lesser beings are always to blame for anything that goes wrong, even if the narcissist is actually responsible.
Sometimes narcissists express lies, which are intended to shift blame onto others. An example of faking it is saying, “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive you can’t handle real life.”
Related: Why Leaving A Narcissist Is So Hard — And How To Get Away In 7 Steps
- Take responsibility
Above all, the narcissist abdicates responsibility. Because she has built her identity against basic feelings of invalidation, she is highly sensitive to shame and blame. Responsibility of any kind raises the narcissist’s threat of criticism.
The narcissist hates taking responsibility, systematically organizes her life to avoid it and becomes adept at denying it and projecting it onto others, especially those closest in her sphere of authority: her partner and her children.
- Self-reflection.
Narcissists are terrified of their own shadow – the long-hidden child inside who has been irreparably damaged and whose feelings of inadequacy the narcissist constantly compensates for.
For the narcissist, introspection is dangerous territory to be avoided at all costs because it represents intolerable weakness. This is why narcissists rarely seek treatment, avoid honest communication, refuse accountability, and easily resort to angry defensive outbursts to hide the truth.
- Forgive.
For the same reason a narcissist never apologizes, he also never forgives. To him, everyone represents a potential threat that must be defeated, and he is hyper-vigilant to any perceived or (rarely) real attack. Life is a battlefield, and the narcissist is always fighting for his or her survival.
Narcissists consider any kind of harm a reason to retaliate and retaliate. If someone apologizes to them (often in a misguided attempt to end the conflict), narcissists see this as evidence of their superiority and may take the opportunity to punish that person further for whatever wrong they may or may not have committed.
True forgiveness is not part of the narcissist’s emotional lexicon, mainly because the narcissist cannot forgive himself.
Related: 5 Key Concepts For Spotting Sociopathic Manipulation From ‘Love Fraud’
