“Narcissism” is a term that gets thrown around frequently, but the way it’s commonly used in modern dating and relationship advice is often unclear or inaccurate.
The word definitely conjures a negative image! However, we all fall somewhere between absolute selflessness and complete arrogance.
When the word narcissist is used casually, most people are referring to the outer edge of typical behavior on this spectrum, as opposed to a pattern of pathological behaviors that might lead to a clinical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Related: The Top 11 Signs Of A Cheating Narcissist — And How To Catch Them In The Act
You will have difficulties developing emotional intimacy, trust, and closeness with a narcissist, because he or she is too closed off in himself and what is important to him to be emotionally available to others.
They may only use you for their own gratification, never giving of themselves and keeping the relationship completely unbalanced.
Furthermore, because narcissism can dangerously veer into psychopathic or sociopathy territory, relationships with a highly narcissistic person can pose serious challenges and risks.
What is healthy narcissism versus unhealthy narcissism?
We all have moments when we feel tired, stressed, or angry. We can all become so self-absorbed to the exclusion of what others want, need or feel. We can all criticize and attack others at times.
Naturally, healthy self-love helps us be optimistic and secure in the face of these and other negative feelings.
However, those with narcissistic personality disorder go beyond normal self-involvement.
The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a persistent style of grandiosity, a persistent desire for admiration, combined with a lack of empathy…of any 5 of the 9 criteria next:
Great logic of self-importance
Fixation with delusions of endless success, control, intelligence, beauty, or perfect love
Credibility is that he is unusual and exceptional and can only be understood or communicated by unusual or important people or institutions
- Desire for unjustified admiration
A sense of entitlement
Oppressive interpersonal behavior
There is no form of empathy
Resentment toward others or belief that others resent oneself
A display of selfish or arrogant behaviors or attitudes
In his book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Harvard Medical School psychologist Dr. Craig Malkin categorizes these behaviors into what he refers to as the core of narcissism.
Exploitation: Willingness to do whatever it takes, including lying and manipulation, to get their needs met.
Entitlement: An attitude that you or the world owes them, often accompanied by anger.
Poor empathy: People with BPD can appear empathic, but it is a dysfunctional form of empathy that can suddenly disappear when it doesn’t fit their needs or they become preoccupied with their own feelings.
If you notice signs of narcissism in your partner, you may be in a difficult situation trying to figure out whether you should stay with him and learn how to cope or leave.
There are many important factors to consider when dealing with borderline personality disorder in any marriage or relationship.
Here are three signs you can’t ignore if you suspect you’re dating a narcissist and should leave the relationship immediately:
- You are experiencing abuse of any kind
This certainly applies to physical abuse, but psychological abuse of any kind should never be tolerated.
Their behavior may be relentless criticism, constantly tearing you down with insults and condescension, insults, calling you crazy, or making fun of you.
It is their responsibility to stop this behavior, not yours.
The same applies to hitting, pushing, or threatening violence. If your partner doesn’t end their abuse, you simply won’t be able to have a healthy relationship.
- They deny their behavior
This person should at least be able to admit that something is wrong, even if it’s as simple as, “I think I need help.”
If people cannot recognize their problems, they will never get better.
- They show signs of psychological illness
This pattern of cold, callous lies and deception may indicate not only poor empathy, but a profound absence of empathy.
The chances that a psychopathic narcissist (often called a “malignant narcissist”) will improve his or her behavior are very slim. If that’s the case, it’s definitely time to escape!
