When I was young, I met a man. I fell madly in love with him. I didn’t see anyone else. He was the center of the universe, he was the meaning of my life.
At that time, I thought I had hit the jackpot! I had a feeling that I would never do better than him and that the universe had somehow rewarded me by sending his beautiful, gentle soul into my life.
Oh my god… I thought I had it all.
But, in the beginning, that wasn’t far from the truth.
He carried me like a delicate flower, carefully protecting me from the wind and the cold. He has been by my side every step of the way.
I really thought I got a reward. I seriously thought he was out of my league. I even felt proud that he chose me out of dozens of other girls he could have gotten.
This raised some serious questions for me.
The most important thing I didn’t know then but know now is that I should never have been prouder. I should never put him on a pedestal.
The reason is simple – not because he wasn’t worth it, but because I didn’t deserve it.
I didn’t think much of myself and had no confidence at all. You were, in fact, the only person who didn’t think much of me.
The others were looking at me as I was supposed to from the beginning. I had to love myself enough to reverse that twisted self-image I had in my mind.
But let me tell you more about it.
He was charming, funny and beautiful. I’ve never had a man like this.
Due to the fact that I was very young at the time, dating someone a little older like him was a challenge. Honestly, I was lost and had no idea what I was doing.
I had to follow in his footsteps because he was so confident. He knew exactly what to do, when to do it, and how.
When you see such an assertive man, you are dazzled and completely forget who you are and what you want. His needs and desires become your own.
The first time he kissed me, I felt like I was floating in a world without time or space.
There was nothing around me but this feeling of uncontrollable happiness. I had no ability to move my body.
I had no control over myself. The only thing I remember was the tingling sensation in every inch of my body, and I thought to myself: “Let this feeling last forever!”
Then he kissed me the second and third. The feelings swelled to the stage of complete ecstasy until they shattered like millions of broken mirror pieces hitting the ground.
“I can’t be your friend,” he said.
I had to come back to reality. The feeling is gone, the happiness is gone. This was the first thing I learned about love… Stay with me… Here’s what:
- He can never commit to me
It wasn’t that kind. His free mind and wandering spirit did not allow him to settle down with just one person.
Unfortunately, at that time, I thought I was not a special person who could capture his heart.
So, without even asking why or trying to fight for his love, my dreams were shattered and my first true love stabbed me in the heart with no chance of surviving the attack.
The man I loved couldn’t love me the same.
- The red flags were obvious
Every future relationship fails with it. You won’t recognize them unless you leave your options open. I did not do that.
I blindly believed he was the right man for me. I did not doubt for a moment about my decision. Unfortunately, I had to do that.
Nothing is perfect. My relationship was perfect for me, he was perfect for me, and that should have been the biggest red flag ever.
Remember, please, that no one is perfect – especially a man who appears flawless.
I ignored the registration flags and disaster struck. It was like an ice cold shower.
From instant admiration and endless love, I soon felt disappointment, rejection, and pain…so. a lot. pain.
I know I’m not to blame for not recognizing the danger signs. I know that often no one pays attention to the signs that predict your tears.
If it were easy to see, there would be no heartbreak. The harsh truth is that your eyes open when it’s too late.
Your eyes open when the wound in your heart won’t stop bleeding.
- His love drained me
The most important lesson I’ve learned is that love isn’t supposed to drain you.
When I was with him, I was full, I was happy – and you could even say I was kinky. But after I was with him and came back to my ‘reality’, I didn’t feel anything.
Nothing can excite me. There was no person in this world who could make me smile like he did. Essentially, I was just a woman in body and soul floating around waiting for our next encounter.
I was just a shadow, a silhouette – completely emotionless, completely drained. He brought me back to life at every subsequent meeting we had.
Love is not like that and I had to learn this lesson the hard way.
- He kept me at arm’s length
His plan was impeccable. Every time we met he gave me what I needed.
The problem is he never gave me much. He always knew the exact amount of attention and care so I could come back for more.
This was the craziest hook I’ve ever been on. It’s like a drug. You try it, you take more and more and more…and you know it’s bad for you.
You realize that the path you are on leads to disaster, but it’s a good thing you don’t care. You just want to come back for more.
That’s how he manipulated me. He was with me, but at the same time he was not committed to me.
This is the gray area of well-governed relationships.
- He was just taken from me
Love only takes. Love gives much more than you give. This was not the story I was living. My love was just taken from me.
Every day he would take what he needed and then leave.
I had no idea where he was going and who he was going to meet. But I’m not the stuffy type. If he didn’t tell me, I didn’t ask.
This is called trust, which I unfortunately gave to the wrong man.
Everything I felt inside I gave to Him. When we were together, he was the only one in the world to me.
I will give Him my full attention and every feeling I experience will be given to Him.
On the other hand, as I told you before, I have a void. Only later when I truly found the love of my life did I realize that I had been in denial the entire time I was with him.
I was delusional, as if someone had cast a spell on me. My eyes were focused on one thing only – him – and I couldn’t see anything else.
We ended our story with friendship, or what could be called false friendship. It was something we kept going for a few more meetings, but over time he forgot I ever existed.
He led me to believe that he loved me, but for some inexplicable reason, he couldn’t be with me. Like, it’s a really big deal for him to let me into his life as a whole and forever.
And for the most ridiculous reason, at the time I could understand the bullshit he was selling me.
Once again I agreed to agree to his terms, just as he had planned all along.
I let him do whatever he wanted to me because I was young, naive, and most importantly, I didn’t have the courage to love myself.
I underestimated myself from the beginning, making me a perfect target to enjoy.
And here you go…this is my story of heartbreak that taught me what true love truly is.
And in a way, I’m glad it happened the way it did. I may have been through hell, but at least… I’m happy now.
