Unfortunately, we can sometimes fall into self-sabotaging behavior. There is more than one reason for this.
At this moment, I feel like I’m ruining my life. Just when I think everything is fine, another rock rolls down the hill and flattens me again. But it’s not a real rock, it just looks like one. You see, at that moment, I lose all desire for the things that used to make me happy. It’s as if I’m waiting for the rocks to stop falling. It’s a possibility that would never happen in my current situation. So, I feel stuck, thus sabotaging my life in the process.
Toxic aspects of self-sabotaging behavior
Procrastination is part of my behavior. I will sit and watch television for hours on end so that I don’t have to face injustice and disrespect in my life. Instead, I try to ignore it by immersing myself in a fake story on TV. And there are many other things I do, and others do, that prove that we are sabotaging our lives – we are wasting valuable time by letting what others do control our next step or goal. There are many indications that this is true.
Indicators that you are sabotaging your life
- You choose comfort rather than change
Maybe it used to be good, the life you have now, but things have been revealed, and it’s not the life you thought it was. In fact, it’s almost unbearable. However, it shouldn’t be bad enough for you to change it. I heard this saying once, I can’t remember where, but it fits this perfectly.
Once upon a time there was a dog sitting on a long, sharp nail. A man asked the dog owner why the dog did not get up from the nail? He said it must be painful for him. “When he’s in real pain, he’ll move,” the owner said.
This is what happens to us. Sometimes we refuse to change because we haven’t been hurt enough yet. Eventually, if things don’t get better, the pain will become too much. Then we may abandon the self-sabotaging behavior and get rid of this nail that is digging deep into us. Then we can create a better life for ourselves.
- Blame is never properly assigned
When something happens, you tend to either blame yourself when it’s not your fault and blame others when it is your fault. This may not be the case 100% of the time, but most of the time it is. Your focus is on “Who did it?” Not on “what can we do to fix it?”.
Self-sabotaging behavior affects not only your life, but also other people. When it comes to kids, it’s confusing for them. After all, you are trying to teach them the right way to take responsibility.
- You always want to fix people
I’ve spent two decades of my life in relationships fixing men. Let me tell you, it’s exhausting and has taken a big chunk of my youth. It’s as if those years have just passed! Right in front of me. I’m not trying to insult anyone, it’s just that I had to make rules about who I was and then leave if my expectations weren’t met.
Did I do this? No, instead, I thought I could help them, change them, improve their standards in life. That was so ridiculous, and it still is.
Trying to fix people is like trying to pin jelly to the wall. They don’t stick, they don’t stay put, and they make a huge mess. Also, when you’re busy trying to fix people, you lose a lot of time on the things that matter most, like your children and the unconditional people in your life.
- You use others for comparison
I work at this all the time. I don’t find it as difficult as making judgments, actually. Maybe I’m too busy judging people to be jealous of them. However, every now and then, I see happy people and I wish I could be like that. I see them smiling on social media and hugging their loved ones. The picture says that their life is perfect, but I know that those pictures are not the whole truth.
But every now and then, I subvert my emotions when I see weddings, Valentine’s Day gifts, and people who seem to have a lot in common. I compare these things to the differences in my life, and I find myself wishing my family were closer. It’s like falling into a trap, and then destroying yourself while you’re there. It can be cruel.
- You amplify negativity
You never fail to notice every negative thing that happens, but positive things easily pass by. To be fair, more often than not, negative things are things that happen over and over again no matter how many times you ask them to stop, or how many times you work on improving them.
This makes it very difficult to see victories as victories. In response, you become depressed and anxious while trying to make things work out. You don’t mean to do it, but you sabotage any hope you could have by moving forward.
- Worrying about what others think
I don’t do this often, but when I do, I make sure I worry incessantly. I guess you might say, I only worry about things that will affect me personally. No, I don’t worry about what people think about my style or hobbies, but I do worry about the fact that people might think I’m mean.
I can thank the men who try to manipulate these thoughts into my head. I’m an introvert, and most of us don’t really care what other people think, but sometimes, we want to be accepted for who we are, and we sabotage ourselves by trying to be something we’re not.
