You know, this worry in the hollow of your stomach and this form of fear that consumes you but that you have chosen to ignore? Well, that’s what a narcissist feeds on, it’s what keeps him alive. This is what gives him the strength to continue to use and mistreat you.
Most empaths and highly sensitive people experience these feelings of anxiety and fear – it’s their gut telling them to escape.
But because of their highly sensitive personality, they choose to ignore their instincts and find themselves trapped in the fabric woven by the narcissist.
They can’t help but think that they will succeed in changing said narcissist. They can’t help but think that if they try hard enough, if they try to understand them, they will find a solution and help them out of the darkness.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Once you get involved in a narcissistic relationship, it is almost impossible to escape. You become addicted to the narcissist. We feel the constant fear that is its origin.
We are afraid to leave because he made sure you feel unable to leave. He made sure you felt worthless. He made sure you felt like you were put off. He made sure you believed you were the problem.
But when you finally find the courage to walk away from him, when you realize that there is no other way and you don’t even worry about what could happen to you if you leave, he will do everything in his power to recover. You.
He’ll bring back the mask he was wearing the first time you met him. He will take care of you. He will convince you that he is there for you no matter what. He will even apologize for all the terrible things he did to you. He will pretend to be interested in you so as not to get lost.
Unfortunately, it is not in your best interest that he wants to keep you with him. He wants to keep you because he doesn’t want to lose his perfect little victim. He will lose the elixir that keeps him alive – you.
When I left him, I thought the nightmare was over. But no, he continues. First, there is the conflict going on inside you, in your head and in your heart. Then there’s the reality of having to pick up the pieces and glue them together.
There is also a need to realize that you have value and that you deserve better. Finally, you need to regain your self-confidence and self-respect. He took all of that from you. It has emptied you and broken you and you know that your fight for survival has only just begun.
Not only do you have to take care of yourself and heal, you also have to face it. He will attack and catch you when you lower your guard.
He will attack you when you are most vulnerable. He will try to appeal to your feelings when you are at your lowest. You wouldn’t see that coming. He will play with your feelings and try to reconcile with you. He will try to attract you again.
Then we talk about “wandering.”
“Hoovering” is a tactic used by psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists, to drain your life of energy and recover when you are about to leave, all while exhibiting supposedly “attractive” behaviors.
So, here are some of the rhetoric that narcissists often use, in order to convince a woman to come back (“hoover”) within the relationship:
- “I really want us to stay friends.”
This is often said in the case of infidelity, if you find out they are cheating on you or they admit to it themselves. But don’t worry, they will go away and find a thousand reasons why things won’t work out between you.
They will witness that you were not meant to be together and that you were not able to give them the love they needed. You are unlikely to feel guilty because this was the planned tactic from the beginning.
After a while he will come back and tell you that he can’t live without you, that he made a big mistake but he preferred to take a break because of the things he told you about the fact that he doesn’t love you anymore.
However, they will assure you that they cannot live without you and that they want you in their life, at least as friends.
In fact, they are afraid that when you meet someone else, they will invade your heart and make it seem wrong, when that’s not how it’s supposed to happen.
He jumps at you by saying: “Let’s stay friends,” and this is nothing but a lie. You will end up being sexual friends, he will be involved in your life and you will not be able to move on.
There’s a completely different scenario, where they’ll tell everyone who wants to hear it that they stayed friends with you because they felt sorry for you, even though you keep telling everyone that’s a violent bastard.
But it’s not their fault, at all. They are the ones who make you a flower. After all, that’s how they want to be perceived.
- “I want us to have couples therapy.”
When you can’t take it anymore, and are about to leave him, after the silence you’ve fed him, he’ll play one of the last tricks he has in his sneaky repertoire.
