While those annoying little actions from loved ones may seem normal, they are not. You may be dealing with toxic family relationships.

Toxicity is one of the hardest things to identify. This is because the apparent layers of good intentions are often surrounded by nefarious motives. This is especially true among family members — you might be surprised to know. Yes, your family can sometimes be your worst enemy. I bet you’ve heard that before, right?

How do you recognize toxic family relationships?

Before we get into the specifics of toxic relationships, I think we should all understand what “toxic” means. While the word has a literal meaning, it also has a meaning that explains the mental turmoil we sometimes go through.

Toxic is something toxic, bad, or harmful that can make you physically or mentally ill. Something or someone that spreads unpleasant, malicious, or controlling feelings.

Yes, this definition includes anything that can make us sick or even eventually cause death. Because if you can’t get away from the toxic influence, and you can’t handle it properly, it will drain your life.

If you are not sure whether or not your family members are toxic, there are some signs that distinguish what is normal and what is not. Let me make sure you understand that these signs are far from normal.

1. Bring up the past
   While it may seem like a common occurrence in a family dynamic, bringing up the past to excuse a wrong in the present is just as wrong. For example, suppose your brother let you down two years ago, and now he’s making you angry, that doesn’t mean his past mistakes were weapons.

When there are toxic relationships within the family, you will see this happen a lot. You can’t go crazy every now and then and then mention something else about a particular person to justify the current error. This is toxic and not normal.

2. Buy love
   Whether it is about intimate relationships or any other family structure, buying love is harmful. When you try to buy love and peace in a family relationship, your goal is to make your loved ones forget you, or to make them love you again.

Some people even try to get rid of turmoil fights by giving gifts or taking loved ones to an expensive restaurant. But quarrels and insults do not go away.

And don’t hurt feelings. When you buy material things for your loved ones to act as a gangster, the real issues are swept under the rug, but they’re still there.

3. Comparisons
   One sign you may not notice of toxic family relationships is comparisons between yourself and someone else you love. It is not healthy to tell one child, for example, that he or she is better at something than the other.

It is not right, as a parent, to compare your children. It is unhealthy and unfair. These comparisons can cause feelings of low self-worth.

4. Passive aggression
   In toxic family relationships, there is a toxic habit called passive aggression. This is where you refuse to be upfront about what’s bothering you. Instead, you drop hints and act rude to the person you feel insulted you.

With passive aggression, there is no contact, which is toxic in itself. There are just rising feelings that usually turn into a huge fight. This silent type of aggression is often repeated because it is a form of control.

5. Save the score
   I think many of us fall into this bad habit now and then. However, it is toxic and should be a habit that has been broken. Keeping score during relationship squabbles ultimately kills love in any family.

You could be dealing with a traumatic situation between you and your mom, dad, mate, or even one of your siblings, and keep score every time you win an argument. What a harmful life to life, huh? Although you may not write down the numbers on the scorecard, you will always remember who came out on top and when.

6. Guilt trips
   In toxic family relationships, you will have one or two loved ones who go on a “guilt trip.” They’ll talk about how awful they are, how cruel they must be, and how you should hate them. While you may want to reassure them that they are not those things, it is best to ignore the bait.

You see, family members trying to make you feel guilty, especially to set boundaries, is sometimes dismissed as a toxic trait. Sometimes it seems as if they really admit they were wrong. They are not. They are trying to get sympathy because no other method works.

7. Gas lighting
   Yes, you’ve heard about it, probably a few times. Believe it or not, gaslighting can be subtle, and before you know it, someone in your family will be making you look crazy. The fact remains that this family member uses sophisticated toxic and narcissistic weapons to get his way.

The sad part is some are so good at it that you won’t know you’ve been hit until you cry, admit guilt, or admit to some kind of mental disorder, hence the “crazy” part.

8. No accountability
   Within a toxic family dynamic, there is little accountability. One or more persons refuse to admit responsibility for whatever goes wrong. For a toxic individual, it is almost always someone else’s fault, or if it is their fault, you are pushing them to do it.

You might try to show evidence, and that will only make them angry. Generally, when you are shown proof, you are then told that you don’t trust them. One way or another, the toxic family member will always evade responsibility.

Tolerating toxic relationships

Toxic family relationships are more common than you think. Indeed, it is sometimes very difficult to recognize the signs of such an unhealthy way of life. If you grew up in a toxic family, you probably think it’s normal to fight all the time and blame each other.

But I tell you the truth, it is not. You probably won’t have to completely isolate your family in these situations, but it would be best to create some distance if no one is willing to listen to reason. However, I wish you well if this is your family.