So, you’ve entered into a relationship. Yay!
There’s just one thing you can’t quite get out of your head. Something is…off. The relationship isn’t looking the way it should, and the dynamic between you and your partner leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.
If you could just put your finger on what it is…
Great news!
Today, we’ll reveal the 8 red flags in relationships that only highly perceptive people notice.
You know, the little things that might seem completely normal – until you start paying attention and realize that not everything is as it seems…
1) Love bombing disguised as affection
“I love you so much.”
“This is an expensive gift I bought because you mean a lot to me.”
“I left you twenty messages on WhatsApp, sorry!”
“I want to see you today. And tomorrow. And the day after that. How about a whole week?”
It’s not strange to hear these phrases when you’ve been together for a while and fall madly in love.
But if you just met five days ago… oh. Maybe you’re dealing with a love bomber.
Love bombing is a term used for the excessive gestures of love that tend to appear in relationships early on. It is also a manipulation technique. Your new partner showers you with love because he or she wants to secure your affection, which puts excessive pressure on you.
Love bombing can be difficult to overcome, especially if you really want the person back. But if you’re very perceptive, you can probably see it coming from a mile away.
This doesn’t sit well with you.
2) There is a lot of trauma happening
A guy once invited me to his party after we talked online for a few days. We were clearly interested in each other, so I was curious to see what the evening would bring.
About two hours after I got there, he started telling me about something very painful that happened to him when he was a child.
(Side note: He wasn’t drunk.)
I sat there in disbelief. Even though I felt so sorry for him, I was confused as to why he would choose me as his best friend – we’ve only known each other for a short time, after all.
But shock elimination can be more subtle than that. This happens every time your partner trusts you too much and shares all the graphic details of the trauma he or she experienced without asking for consent.
At first glance, it seems like a great thing – it means they trust you, right? It’s good to open up!
Unfortunately, letting go of trauma can be another — often unconscious — strategy to secure your love and impose a deep bond on you. Now that they’ve told you their dark secrets, it’s much harder to leave the relationship.
Confidence is amazing. But it comes as a result of a real connection, not the other way around. Trust cannot be imposed.
3) Your encounters are never non-sexual
If you’re in the honeymoon phase and can’t keep your hands off each other, it can be difficult to know if there’s more to the relationship than just chemistry.
But the friendship part of your relationship is just as important as the sexual aspect – if not more.
Highly perceptive people notice that something is missing, something deeper than just jumping into bed and then watching Netflix and relaxing for the rest of the day.
If there was no touching, would you still have fun? Will your conversations be stimulating enough to keep you interested?
If your answer is no…this may be a red flag that this relationship is not what it is.
4) Your partner doesn’t have a growth mindset
Complain, complain, complain.
It’s not hard to miss the negativity. But when you’ve only been dating for a while, they may excuse it by thinking they’re “going through a hard time.” Sure, it will explode. Of course, that’s not always what they like.
If you are very perceptive, you will not let such thoughts mislead you. You will see your partner for what he is – someone who likes to complain instead of taking action.
Someone who does not have a growth mindset, which is the belief that your skills and knowledge can improve if you put in enough work.
Someone who will eventually drag you into a pit of pessimism.
Emergency lights glow red, signaling you to abandon ship.
5) You seem to be their only friend
Did I already say that it’s hard to recognize the red flags when you’re falling in love?
Well, it’s worth saying again – these glasses aren’t just rose-coloured. It is resistant to red. Kind of like diving to the bottom of the ocean.
The first few months are a happy bubble, undisturbed by the outside world. But the more you know your partner, the more you’ll start to notice that he doesn’t really have any friends.
Don’t get me wrong, loners can be absolutely amazing. But most of us have at least one non-romantic relationship to fall back on.
If your partner doesn’t have friends, he or she will probably cling to you with all his might. This can easily tip the dynamic in an unhealthy direction, putting too much stress on you and distributing the force unevenly.
6) Their friends have completely different values than yours
Maybe your partner has friends. This is great news!
But if you’re hyper-perceptive, you won’t stop there. No, you look at how their friends act and what they say. You know that a person’s friends can reveal a lot about a person.
He may act all loving towards you, but if his friends talk terribly about women, he probably either joins in or doesn’t call them out when you’re not around.
Of course, you should always give your partner the benefit of the doubt and ask him what he really thinks about his friends and why he still hangs out with them.
But if your partner doesn’t see anything wrong with the behavior of his friend group even though you do, you may not be right for each other.
7) You feel the pressure of unseen expectations
We’ve talked a lot about pressure in this article, and for good reason.
Unhealthy relationships aren’t just about the obvious—cheating, excessive jealousy, verbal attacks—but also about the atmosphere beneath the surface.
Your partner may be quite nice. They may do their best to make you smile, support your goals, and give you lots of affection.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t also hold you to expectations you never subscribed to.
They may expect too much commitment too early.
They may ask you a lot of questions about where you are, with whom, why and when you will be coming home.
Or they may make arrogant comments about how important wealth is to them, letting you know that your career path is not a good fit for their desired lifestyle.
It’s the little things that matter in the long run, and if a relationship is making you feel like you can’t take a deep breath, then there’s something seriously wrong going on underneath all the smiles and kind words.
8) Everything seems to be a deal
I once dated a guy who said, “You never do anything for me. I bought you flowers, took you out, and constantly congratulated you. All you did was buy me a muffin.”
We had been seeing each other for three weeks at that point.
I thought it was a rather nice pie. But cakes aside, it soon became clear to me that his love wasn’t real. It was transactional. I give you this, you give me that. I do this, you do that.
It’s a bit like doing business with each other, except we trade flowers and cake and decide which is worth more.
A partner who truly loves you will not remind you of all the things he has done for you and will not expect you to return the favor. Their love comes from the goodness of their hearts.
They love you, so they give to you. Sometimes love is that simple.
