Emotional blackmail is as ugly and disgusting as financial or sexual blackmail.
Those who have experienced emotional blackmail know how easy it is for someone to twist your emotions and good nature to trap you in situations you were never meant to be in to begin with.
Here’s how to understand emotional blackmail and protect yourself from it.
1) It is never justified
Emotional blackmail is never justified.
This is important to emphasize, because one of the most powerful weapons an emotional manipulator has is to make you believe that you deserve to be pressured.
An emotional blackmailer will use his emotions or health as a cudgel.
Related : 8 types of toxic friends you need to cut out of your life
They will tell you that you are responsible for how they feel, or that you will be responsible for how they feel if you don’t do what they ask of you.
An emotional blackmailer is rude, rude, and often narcissistic.
They are often highly skilled at convincing you that you are out of bounds or unreasonable, while at the same time placing increasingly intense and inappropriate demands on you.
The main tactic of emotional blackmailers is gaslighting, which brings me to the next key piece of information.
2) He uses gaslighting shamelessly
Emotional blackmail is based on blackmail in many cases.
Gaslighting makes a person believe that what is happening is only in their imagination, or that they are caused by it.
The classic example is a cheating husband convincing his wife that she is out of line due to the doubt and unreasonableness of her accusations.
He acts so hurtful that she might doubt it, and begins to convince her that she has a problem with jealousy and insecurity that has nothing to do with him.
If this doesn’t work and the husband is caught fairly, he will argue that his wife put him in a position where he felt he had no choice but to cheat because of her behavior or how she made him feel.
This is the type of emotional manipulation that all emotional manipulators use in one form or another whether it’s at work, at home, or in scams and cults:
“I am innocent in this situation and my needs and desires are reasonable. Even if I do something wrong, it is only because your actions and behavior caused me to do it.
minimum? You are bad and misguided, I am good and I act with pure intentions.
The result: You get the short end of the stick and are made to feel responsible for someone else’s feelings.
3) It is sometimes used by people you least expect
If emotional blackmail only comes from angry relationship partners or jealous co-workers at work, it will be easy to prepare for it.
The key thing to realize is that emotional blackmail often comes from those you least expect.
Your pastor at church may be telling you that you need to start participating in more group activities and fundraising efforts because God has told him that you are losing your way and he feels “burdened” by your indifference.
A salesperson at a store might start telling a sob story about what’s going on with his family, explaining that he needs to get a commission from your sale without actually saying it.
These emotional blackmail techniques aren’t exactly complicated, but they are effective.
It makes you feel guilty, and oftentimes you fall in line and do what you think you “should” do to help someone feel better or prevent a worse situation from happening to them.
That’s why people do it.
4) He uses weakness as ammunition
The next thing to know about emotional blackmail, so you can protect yourself, is that it uses vulnerability as ammunition.
This is especially annoying if you are in a romantic relationship with an emotionally manipulative person or they are someone close to you.
It is natural for us to open up and share our souls with those close to us.
Having that used against you is really annoying and can shatter your faith in humanity.
For example, let’s say you told a close friend that you were abused as a child, and years later he became financially strapped and needed a loan from you.
They accuse you of hesitating to decide to lend money because you are just a “stupid person who has been abused.”
Emotional blackmail that uses your past pain to make you angry.
5) He mixes lies and imagination with truth and honesty
Next in terms of basic things to know about emotional blackmail, so you can protect yourself, is that it mixes lies with the truth.
If emotional blackmail is just about trying to pressure you into doing things you don’t want to in order to make someone feel good, it will be easier to spot and avoid.
But it is often based on a partial truth.
One common example comes from the corporate and government-sponsored evening news, which often includes an element of truth and then lies outrageously.
For example, the truth may be told about the problems of the prison system, and then a politician uses it to say that punishing criminals is racist.
Another fact might be told about the improvement of the economy in a particular area and then cited as a reason to cut taxes on all the wealthy because they are “helping” the economy grow.
These types of manipulation are very common in the political and media sphere: they elicit an emotional response about something that contains elements of truth and then use it to deliver a simplistic, absolute message.
6) It requires you to “prove” that you care or love someone
The key part of most emotional blackmail is asking you to “prove” your love or commitment to someone.
Whether it’s a friend, spouse, or co-worker, the basic message is the same:
“Do this, say this, be this, feel this, or you don’t really care about me, love me, respect me, believe in me.”
And so on and so on.
The goal of blackmail is to tie your compliance to your “loyalty” or how much you care about someone.
This is really tricky and the worst part is that it often works on the most kind-hearted people who can’t stand the idea of someone feeling like they don’t care.
Related : 8 signs you’re being emotionally manipulated in your relationship
My advice?
So they allowed themselves to be emotionally blackmailed.
Don’t be that person. Defend yourself against any attempt at a “prove it” tactic of emotional manipulation.
7) He sets ultimatums and harsh “either or” choices.
The other important thing to know about emotional blackmail is that it is usually based on “either or” choices.
Either you talk to me about my problem now or you obviously don’t really care about me.
Either you lend me money or I’ll know you don’t really respect me.
Either you let me be at your house for a week or you’re not a real friend.
This kind of emotional blackmail is bad, but again, people only do it because it works and because they themselves are lost in a narcissistic and insecure state of mind.
Don’t find yourself a victim. Withstands.
Anyone who truly cares about you will never put conditions on you or treat your relationship as a transaction.
8) He has an ultimate goal, which is to manipulate or control you
The key thing to understand about emotional blackmail is that it is all about control.
It uses emotions to try to convince you to do what someone else says or wants.
Whether that other person is a political leader, your therapist, your friend or your parent, it’s the same basic rules of the game.
You are told that you must commit to something to please someone else.
The key is to never comply in the first place, because once you do, you are on a path of victimhood and helplessness.
As licensed psychologist Karen Doll says:
“It is a form of psychological abuse, which causes harm to victims. Their demands are often aimed at controlling the victim’s behavior in unhealthy ways.
No more emotional blackmail!
If you are being emotionally blackmailed, you need to calm down and leave.
This is not a situation you should ever put up with or accept.
If you follow the above tips, you will also be able to prevent emotional blackmail from being used against you.
Be safe out there, and remember that those who truly care about you and love you will not emotionally blackmail you.
