Relationships can be rewarding, rewarding, a beacon of joy, and the reason for the smile on your face.

When you’re dating a narcissist, what begins as a fairytale romance can quickly turn into a complex game of manipulation and control.

Narcissists are known for their ability to play mental chess with such devotion that they leave their partners confused and emotionally drained.

The best way to maintain your mental health is to learn about their cunning methods.

Here are 8 classic mind games that narcissists play in a relationship.

Protect your soul at all costs.

1) Love bombing

Love bombing means showering someone with signs of adoration at the beginning of a relationship.

Early declarations of love. Extravagant gifts. Express a strong desire to spend every waking minute in their presence.

This is how narcissists get you addicted.

They’re charming, so falling in love with their modern style is easier than you think.

I met a guy at a wedding a few years ago, and we hit it off. We chatted, danced, and hung out in the parking lot.

Typical wedding tricks.

He took me home and I gave him my number.

Then things started to get weird.

I woke up to numerous texts from him, all talking about how amazing I was and how we had this amazing connection.

When I told him I was busy with work and wouldn’t be able to meet him until a few days later, he acted surprised and abandoned me, berating me for apparently throwing away something nice.

Since we had only spent a few hours together, this was a huge red flag – and I was grateful to whoever invented the block function.

Narcissists use love bombing to create a state of dependency, which makes it easier for them to manipulate their partner’s emotions later.

Don’t fall for the trick.

2) Future fakery

Future-proofing is a manipulation tactic where someone promises to fulfill your deepest desires somewhere in the future in order to get something they want now.

If you’re dating a narcissist, you’ll notice that his actions don’t exactly match his words.

They will impress you with great promises but repeatedly fail to deliver.

For example, a narcissistic person will:

• Let’s say they want to be exclusive, but are putting off making things official because monogamy is too corny and you should both explore your options
• Discuss plans for marriage and starting a family, but find reasons to delay these commitments over time
• Insist that you both have a bright future of wealth and prosperity ahead as long as you are willing to support them financially so that they get all their money straight
• They all tell you about how they think about therapy so they can become better at providing emotional support but never make an appointment

The main aspect of future faking is making assurances intended to appease you and provide a false sense of security.

The truth is that the narcissist has no intention of following through.

Pattern recognition.

It will save you a lot of trouble in the long run.

3) Gas lighting

Another common manipulation tactic is gaslighting, which involves planting seeds of doubt in someone to make them question their memory or perception.

Narcissists may deny that something happened or insist that events happened differently than they remember.

Or they will downplay your concerns with statements like “You’re too sensitive” and “You’re overreacting.”

They excel at distorting facts and changing details of events to better fit their narrative.

In time, you will second guess whether your version of the truth is accurate and begin to believe that they may have a point of view.

Things only go downhill from there.

4) Stumbling with guilt

Guilt is a form of emotional manipulation where one person uses guilt as a tool to influence another person’s behavior.

You may have already tried this tactic on your skin.

Your parent made you feel guilty for not calling you more often due to your busy schedule.

Your elderly neighbor made you feel guilty for throwing a housewarming party and keeping her up past her bedtime.

(I gave you plenty of advance notice that things were going to escalate, Maria.)

Although these examples will not leave you scarred for life, being in a relationship with a narcissist who uses this technique over and over again can take a toll on your mental well-being.

Instead of taking responsibility for his behavior, the narcissist makes you feel remorse.

Here’s how:

• They suggest that they will suffer extreme emotional pain unless you comply with their wishes
• They exaggerate their suffering or difficulties, forcing you to offer support or care
• They view themselves as a victim of the circumstances or relationship, making it impossible for you to assert your needs or boundaries
• They remind you of the previous service they provided you to make you feel indebted to them
• When you sacrifice for them, they downplay your efforts, making you feel like you’re never doing enough
• When you criticize them about something, they shift the blame, insisting that they are the wronged party and making you reluctant to raise issues in the future.

Your needs are as important as theirs.

Never lose sight of that.

5) Triangulation

As the name suggests, triangulation is a tactic that involves bringing a third person into the mix.

The narcissist does this to reinforce his or her sense of superiority and keep you in a state of constant uncertainty.

For example, they may suddenly spend more time with a coworker or friend.

They will mention it repeatedly, just to make you feel jealous or “less than.”

When they fear the possibility of losing to someone else, they gain power.

By comparing them unfavorably to this third person, they create a feeling of competition.

You’ll need to prove your worth, so you might give them more attention or work harder on your appearance/behavior to match your ideal partner.

In fact, you are worthy just the way you are.

No one who makes you feel inferior has your best interest at heart.

6) Undermining

By the same token, undermining deserves a special place among the classic mind games narcissists play in a relationship to gain the upper hand.

Skilled at offering relentless criticism, a narcissist will criticize your appearance, intelligence, decisions, or abilities.

This weakens your self-confidence and makes you more vulnerable to attempts to manipulate them.

They may also belittle your accomplishments and discourage you from engaging in any kind of activities that help you grow.

In short, they want you to depend on them as much as possible.

When that doesn’t work, they fire the big guns.

Which takes us to the next point.

7) The silent game

Withholding affection is a kind of old-fashioned-but-goodie weapon, readily available in any narcissist’s arsenal.

When they don’t get what they want, narcissists give you the silent treatment and stop providing support.

They retreat into a cold cocoon that you cannot penetrate until you admit the error of your ways.

This (evil) tactic creates an atmosphere in which you fear losing love and acceptance if you do not comply with their desires.

They often use this when you challenge their authority or fail to meet their expectations.

Narcissists always want to get you back in line.

At the same time, a truly loving partner is there for you through thick and thin.

Even when you disagree with them. Even when you fight. Even when you make a mistake.

Don’t let fear of abandonment cloud your judgement.

8) Isolation

Finally, the devoted narcissist may try to slowly but surely isolate their partner from friends and family.

Their end game?

That you have to rely only on them for emotional support.

They will discourage you from hanging out with friends and convince you that your relatives take you for granted.

They will undermine your relationships to the point where you become disconnected from everyone except them.

The worst part is that this doesn’t happen overnight.

They do this gradually by messing with your mind, spreading rumors, and creating conflict.

You may not notice their plans until the damage is already done.

finalthoughts

One of the worst things about dating a narcissist is that you spend most of your time focusing on them and their needs.

You wake up one day and realize that you lost a huge part of your personality in the process.

A relationship with a narcissist can be successful if they are self-aware, work on themselves, and are willing to adapt to their partner.

But if you notice that your partner is actively trying to undermine your self-esteem, make a clear break.

Don’t repeatedly hurt yourself in your misguided attempt to please them.

You deserve to be happy too.