Manipulation can manifest itself in deceptive ways, leaving the victim questioning their own perceptions and emotions.
What’s more, it’s widely available.
While honesty is the best policy, many people resort to manipulative tactics at one time or another to get what they want.
Therefore, it can be difficult to assess whether the smart actions of others are unintentional or whether they have evil intentions at heart.
Related : 9 signs you’re dealing with the little known but highly manipulative “communal narcissist”
But when these tactics become the norm rather than the exception, you have reason to worry.
Here are 7 subtle signs that your partner is manipulating you, according to psychology.
Calling them out on their behavior is the first job.
1) They constantly flatter you
We’ve all gotten so involved in a new relationship that we’ve become a little obsessed with our new friend.
During the honeymoon phase, they can seem like the most perfect person ever.
You want to shout your happiness from the rooftops and shower them with affection 24/7.
But while there’s nothing wrong with enthusiasm, if your new partner moves too quickly and bombards you with excessive displays of adoration, it could cause problems.
Psychologists call this tactic “love bombing” and warn that it can be a precursor to manipulation and abuse.
The problem is that sometimes it is difficult to gauge the intentions of significant others.
Are their cute gestures a sign that they’re deeply in love with you, or is it a tactic to make you let your guard down?
Your friend may be trying to bomb you if:
Buy yourself unnecessary, excessive, or expensive gifts
They insist they fell in love at first sight
Call you your soulmate only after you’ve been together for a long time
They are in a hurry to make the relationship official
You have difficulty taking “no” for an answer when you cancel or postpone an appointment
Love bombing is effective because who doesn’t want to believe that they’re so cool/sexy/smart/attractive that they make someone else go a little crazy?
However, once she falls in love with you, your partner may try to exert more control over you.
If you resist, they release you on bail, leaving you hurt and confused.
Make sure that your new relationship progresses at a pace that is completely comfortable for you.
2) They feel guilty
I don’t know about you, but when I fall in love with someone, I want to see them as happy as possible.
Unfortunately, my people-pleasing tendencies come with a major downside: Sometimes, I do what my partner wants at the expense of my own needs.
We’re told that we must compromise to make a relationship work, but there is a fine line between reaching common ground and rejecting your own desires to keep the peace.
Especially when your partner knows how to play on your emotions.
According to psychology, guilt is a form of emotional blackmail that is used to make you do something you do not want to do.
Although it may be unconscious, a skilled manipulator will deliberately rely on it to get their way.
They generally say something along the lines of “If you really loved me, you would do this,” making you feel like a monster for failing to fulfill their request.
However, it is important to recognize guilt trips for what they are: hidden manipulation tactics.
Instead of submitting to your partner’s wishes, acknowledge their request and explain clearly why you cannot comply.
Giving in to their demands repeatedly leaves you helpless and resentful.
In a healthy relationship, partners should have an equal say.
If you have to give up parts of yourself, things won’t work out.
Which takes me to my next point.
3) You lose a sense of who you are, and manipulation may occur
The effects are profound and lasting, often leading individuals to lose their sense of identity.
When you experience it for a while, you find yourself entangled in a web of self-doubt.
The manipulator subtly destroys your self-esteem, subtly suggesting that your value is contingent on meeting his or her expectations.
This makes you increasingly dependent on external validation and approval from your partner.
According to psychologists, you may start to question your sanity, apologize frequently for your behavior, and walk on eggshells around your partner to avoid confrontation.
In other words, you are not staying true to who you are.
Do this long enough, and you will gradually lose sense of what made you act in the first place.
4) They dismiss your concerns
How does it make you question your sanity, you ask?
They systematically provide you with false information, leading you to question what you know to be true.
some examples:
Your partner dismisses your concerns about an argument in which they said something hurtful: “I never said that; “You must be imagining things.”
When you express your frustration about something your partner did, he or she insists that you’re blowing things out of proportion: “You’re so sensitive; I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal out of this.”
Your partner engages in suspicious behavior but accuses you of the same behavior when you talk about it: “I’m not being secretive; “You’re the one always hiding things from me.”
Your partner keeps important information about you and then claims he or she told you or should have known: “I already mentioned it; you don’t care about me at all.”
Gaslighting is subtle and gradual, making this tactic difficult to recognize.
Related : If you recognize these 6 behaviors, you’re in a one-sided relationship
Keeping a journal of your interactions with your partner can help you make sense of things.
5) They give you the silent treatment
Abstention is another subtle sign that your partner is manipulating you, according to psychology.
By withholding information, emotions, or sharing, they manipulate the power dynamics within the relationship.
For example, your partner refuses to express their feelings, leaving you in a state of uncertainty about their feelings or concerns.
As a result, their lack of transparency leaves you feeling distraught and uncertain.
Or they use affection as a tool, withholding physical intimacy or emotional closeness as a means of control.
This creates a feeling of vulnerability and emotional dependence.
One of the most common forms of deprivation is the silent treatment.
By not responding to your texts and refusing to see you, your partner is trying to control your behavior.
Not only do they have the upper hand, they inflict a deep emotional wound.
They systematically provide you with false information, leading you to question what you know to be true.
some examples:
Your partner dismisses your concerns about an argument in which they said something hurtful: “I never said that; “You must be imagining things.”
When you express your frustration about something your partner did, he or she insists that you’re blowing things out of proportion: “You’re so sensitive; I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal out of this.”
Your partner engages in suspicious behavior but accuses you of the same behavior when you talk about it: “I’m not being secretive; “You’re the one always hiding things from me.”
Your partner keeps important information about you and then claims he or she told you or should have known: “I already mentioned it; you don’t care about me at all.”
Gaslighting is subtle and gradual, making this tactic difficult to recognize.
Keeping a journal of your interactions with your partner can help you make sense of things.
5) They give you the silent treatment
Abstention is another subtle sign that your partner is manipulating you, according to psychology.
By withholding information, emotions, or sharing, they manipulate the power dynamics within the relationship.
For example, your partner refuses to express their feelings, leaving you in a state of uncertainty about their feelings or concerns.
As a result, their lack of transparency leaves you feeling distraught and uncertain.
Or they use affection as a tool, withholding physical intimacy or emotional closeness as a means of control.
This creates a feeling of vulnerability and emotional dependence.
One of the most common forms of deprivation is the silent treatment.
By not responding to your texts and refusing to see you, your partner is trying to control your behavior.
Not only do they have the upper hand, they inflict a deep emotional wound.
They exploit your fear of abandonment and rejection to get you to comply with their demands.
This is a big no no.
6) They put you down
Skilled manipulators undermine your self-confidence by making harmful statements about your appearance, mind or circumstances, according to psychology.
You might think you’d notice, but their tactics aren’t obvious.
In fact, they are very cunning:
They compare you to others, and you always fall short
Instead of celebrating your accomplishments, they ignore your efforts, suggesting that it was never a big deal in the first place
They criticize you in public, but when you call them out, they insist they are joking
Instead of encouraging you to grow, they point out your flaws to suggest that you are better off in your comfort zone
Manipulators can easily recognize your insecurities and use them against you.
The more they do it, the more inadequate you feel.
Don’t let them get away with it.
7) You are losing your support system
When someone tries to manipulate you, they want you at your weakest.
In order to achieve this, they may try to isolate you from your support system so that you become as dependent on them as possible.
They do this steadily over time, so it’s possible that you may not notice their schemes until they actually work.
Related : 6 clever ways to put a high-level narcissist in their place, according to psychology
According to psychology, isolation is one of the first signs of emotional abuse.
Your partner may insist that you spend all your free time with him.
They hide their true intentions by telling you how much they enjoy your company and how close quality time together is.
Instead, they may try to drive a wedge between you and your loved ones.
They’ll insist they don’t have your best interest in mind, say they don’t treat you well enough, or even incite conflicts so that you’re more likely to distance yourself from them.
Early signs to look for include:
Promoting an “us versus them” mentality, creating a feeling that it is you against the world
Insist on making every decision together because you are a team
Monitor your social media closely
Check in frequently when you’re out without it
Discouraging you from engaging in social activities without it
Isolation acts as a barrier to the intervention of friends or family who can recognize and address your partner’s manipulative behavior.
If your gut tells you something isn’t right, trust your instincts.
