Do you feel crazy? Do you doubt yourself over and over again? Do you feel upset all the time? If you feel like your partner is crushing on you and your emotions, you may be a victim of gaslighting.
Narcissists and other manipulators can make you think you’re crazy. Here are the warning signs.
Mind manipulation
If you are (or have been) married to a narcissist, you may be familiar with the term “gaslighting.” It is a technique of masterful narcissistic manipulation to control you. When your relationship starts to get weak, it causes you anxiety or slight confusion. But as the relationship worsens, he punitively devalues you, thus questioning your sanity.
Extreme or long-term illumination can eventually cause you to have a distorted sense of reality — not knowing who is right or wrong, feeling guilty for being the person you are, and losing what little self-confidence you have left.
Gaslighting is a very dangerous form of emotional abuse because it makes the victim of the narcissist question her judgment, even over the smallest of issues, making her dependent on him. For example, if she is told over and over that she is bad with money, she will begin to believe that and believe that without a narcissist by her side, she will be financially ruined.
The term “gaslighting” is from the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” in which a young woman named Paula falls madly in love with her fiancé, Gregory. After an intense romance that leads to marriage, Gregory begins to display pathologically narcissistic behavior, which drives Paula mad. In one scene, Gregory tampers with the gaslight in the attic, causing the house’s lights to dim. When Paula mentions hearing footsteps in the attic and the lights dim, Gregory tells her that it was entirely her imagination, causing Paula to question her judgment. Gaslighting is now the widely used term for when a narcissist messes with your head.
Depending on the stage of your narcissistic relationship, gaslighting seems subtle at first but then gets progressively worse. Here are the signs that you may be a victim of gaslighting, in the order in which they may occur. This list shows that as a relationship deteriorates, so does your clarity of mind and your perception of reality and truth.
7 Warning signs he is manipulating you psychologically
Manipulating you psychologically
1) You become addicted to His greatness
And because you likely had low self-esteem before meeting him, the joy you feel can only happen when you are with him, making you dependent on him.
When the whirlwind of romance is at its peak, you have intense feelings of euphoria — you’re almost intoxicated with his charm and copious attention. Your brain releases endorphins, which put you in a state of complete intoxication. And because you likely had low self-esteem before meeting him, the joy you feel can only happen when you are with him, making you dependent on him. Before you know it, you are addicted to a narcissist.
Related: Warning Signs Of A Toxic Relationship: 6 Red Flags To Never Ignore
2) You see red flags but you can’t pinpoint the problem
When a narcissist gets bored with you, his attention starts to wane and he looks for a new source. He may discreetly put you down, saying that you are “needy” or “overly sensitive.” His once affection for you has turned to indifference, and this sudden change leaves you in a hazy state of confusion. You can’t pinpoint the problem, so you think something is wrong with you, and you do everything you can to fix it.
3) When you no longer have his attention, you are experiencing withdrawal
Because you’re addicted to it, and you’re no longer getting your “fix,” you experience serious anxiety. Withdrawing from him may cause him to focus on his every action, wondering what he’s doing, trying to please him, and obsessing over how to save the relationship. However, your addiction causes him nothing but disgust, even though he dispensed slave elixirs to you.
Related: The Psychology Of Narcissistic Injury: How It Wounds A Narcissist’s Ego
4) You get ignored, then cared for, but then you get ignored again, so you lower the bar for yourself
While a narcissist may ignore you emotionally, they will keep you close when the supply is low.
Now that you no longer have the full fix, you’ll take what you can get. While a narcissist may ignore you emotionally, they will keep you close when the supply is low. So he might give you a glimpse of affection here and there, giving you hope that he will come back to you. This lowers your self-esteem, making you believe that you only deserve substandard affection.
5) You second-guess yourself and question your sanity
To keep you on hand, it will light up every order. While this seems counterintuitive, the manipulator does the puppetry. You could ask him to join you at a dinner party, but instead of just saying no, he’ll denigrate your friends and even berate you for caring about them. But since you still love him, you are now questioning your choices as friends. You withdraw from them to please him, and he reigns further in his puppet threads. Slowly, you second-guess each of your choices, making you more dependent on them, which is the ultimate goal of the narcissist.
6) You feel guilty and always apologize
Since you’re second-guessing yourself now, anything you do to fix the relationship feels like a mistake. If threatened by trying a new style, the narcissist may experience a narcissistic injury, explode into a wild rage or calm you down with deafening silence. So you apologize, back off, and feel bad for trying something new. Unable to move, you walk on eggshells, now feeling like a prisoner of your offender. You fantasize about liberation but feel hostage by the gorgeous gaslighting.
7) When you mention divorce, he retracts into victim mode
When you mention the divorce, he will challenge your ability to function as a human being and insist that you cannot live without him.
Now that you’ve tried everything but failed, you want to give up and end the marriage. But when you mention the divorce, he’ll impugn your ability to function as a human being and insist that you can’t live without him.
When the narcissist can’t control you anymore
Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, he will blame you for many wrongdoings: you don’t want sex, you want too much sex, you’re lazy, you’re fat, you’re crazy, you’re crazy. Unstable, and you must be lucky that he stuck to your support. After all, no one but him will tolerate you.
Now you give in, how could you do such a thing, how could you do that to children, how could you do that to him, you are so selfish. And because your sense of reality is so distorted at this point, you actually feel bad for it, so you stay.
