Conversational narcissism treats you as an object rather than a person. Here are 5 signs to look out for and how to regain empowerment
“We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.” – Epictetus
You pick up the phone. It’s a generation. once again.
“Hey, I just thought I’d call you! How are you?”
“Good thanks J-“
“Oh, cool! I wanted to tell you about… [insert 5-hour monologue]…”
We’ve all had in our lives those people who seem to talk about themselves ad nauseam. Once you give them the opportunity to talk about themselves, they will take advantage of it at the moment to show a little care or interest in what you have to say. never. And if they do, you know it’s a fake mask of politeness.
These people are the talking narcissists in your life who obscure every conversation you have, leaving your head spinning. Basically, talking to a narcissist is like putting your head through a blender.
So, do you have a talking narcissist in your life? There is only one way to find out…
Narcissist
How to Spot a Conversational Narcissist (5 Signs)
Not all narcissists are hateful or hateful many of them can be charming and charismatic—but deep down they are deeply wounded, people.
Why is it painful to talk to them?
Perhaps because you can identify with the following personality traits:
They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
They are usually absorbed in fantasies of power, success, beauty, or brilliance.
They have unreasonable expectations of other people, that is, everyone must unquestioningly comply with them.
They exaggerate the significance of their accomplishments.
They crave constant validation, admiration, and respect from the world.
With these symptoms in mind, it’s no wonder that a conversational narcissist loves to endlessly bore you with every detail of his life.
Read : 7 Signs You Are a Victim of Gaslighting
What Kind Of Conversational Narcissist Do You Know?
There are two types of CN. These are Active Conversational Narcissists + Conversational Passive Narcissists.
So let’s explore the first.
- Active Conversational Narcissism
This breed of narcissists always ends up diverting attention to themselves in conversations.
They do this by giving a few “supportive responses” so as not to appear rude, but end up using more “variable responses”.
Please note that it is normal and healthy to share things about yourself, as long as you are directing the conversation to the other person. (And take care of them!)
Here are some examples of supportive versus unsupportive conversations:
Example 1 – supportive
Person A – “I’m going to buy a puppy today.”
Person B – “Really? What breed do you want to have?”
Example 2 – Not supportive
Person A – “I’m going to buy a puppy today.”
Person B – “Really? I was thinking of getting my daughter a puppy too!”
Person A – “Oh, yeah?”
Person B – “Uh, I thought a golden retriever would be… [30-minute monologue].”
- Negative narcissism for conversation
This subtle form of conversational narcissism occurs when you share something, and the narcissist in the conversation withholds their supportive responses until the conversation fizzles out.
Read : Warning Signs Of A Toxic Relationship: 6 Red Flags To Never Ignore
Supportive responses are eg acknowledgments indicating that you are listening, eg, “Uh-huh,” “Okay,” or “Okay.”
They are also statements that show active listening such as, “That’s great!” “why did you do that?” “What do you plan to do now?”
Passive narcissists block these statements, showing disinterest until the conversation ends in death—and it is directed back at them.
Examples:
Person A – “I’m going to the casino tonight!”
Person B – “(pause)… oh, right… (pause)”
Person A – “I’m excited because I won $200 last week!”
Person B – “(silence)…”
Person A – “Have you visited this place recently?”
Person B – “Oh yeah, I went a few weeks ago with my friends, it’s really interesting because we… blah blah blah.”
How to use conversational narcissism as an opportunity for inner growth
Talking to CN sucks.
I think the deeper reason it stinks is that we all strive to feel seen, heard, and validated. It is a basic human need. We want to connect with others from the heart and soul. But narcissism in conversation obscures this opportunity.
It’s easy to let narcissism in conversation make you resentful. However, while it is normal and healthy to feel angry at their selfishness, staying in that place for too long is unhealthy. My advice: instead of letting the CN shut you down, let it open you up. Use it as an opportunity for inner growth.
“Inner Growth!?” Some people might exclaim. Yes, hear me out.
