Many people are in abusive relationships, and they stay for a variety of reasons. Perhaps you are that friend who is often told, “Just leave!” It may not be that simple.

I’ve been in abusive relationships before, and I can tell you it’s not as easy as it might seem to just get up and leave. While, to the outside world, you know, friends and family, it might seem like a simple problem to solve, but it’s not always the case.

As you can see, there are many reasons why people stay. Whether it makes sense or just plain weird, some people just can’t bring themselves to leave.

Why do we stay in abusive relationships?

As I said, it’s complicated. Some factors sometimes make leaving an abusive relationship difficult. I know you should leave an abusive situation, but when should you do it?

As you can see, things aren’t quite as clear as you’d like them to be. Worry about that abused friend as much as you love him, but until he understands it’s time to go, he won’t budge. Here are some reasons.

1. Destruction of self-esteem
   Believe it or not, some people can’t see emotional abuse.

I can attest to that because I have been emotionally abused for over 15 years. My self-esteem continued to take a hit, as I began to believe that all the things that happened to me were my fault. I even went into therapy myself because apparently, I was the problem. I went so far as to take medication to never question my husband or ask for better treatment.

My self-esteem was so low that I was constantly gassed. I didn’t leave because I honestly felt no one else would take me in. Through carefully calculated words and actions, my husband made me believe that the things he did were either wrong in my imagination or were all my fault. And so I stayed.

2. The endless tricks of tolerance
   Yes, we are supposed to forgive those who hurt us. However, this does not mean that we need to stay with them.

When I was younger, in this abusive relationship, I had a “never give up” mentality towards my husband. I forgave him over and over again and prayed constantly for him to change. The relationship went through cycles until eventually she left.

You see, while others may ask you to end the relationship, you are fighting with everything you have to save through forgiveness. We stay because we believe it is right to stand by your partner through the good, the bad, and all the other things marriage undertakes.

3. Pressure from others
   Whether it’s the church, your family, or even your abusive mate, sometimes you’re pressured to stay in the relationship. You may have been told it was the right thing to do. You may hear the words,

“The problems you go through are just tests to make you stronger.”

Yes, you’ve heard it all. And you indeed want it to be better, but you should never give in to pressure from other people or organizations that tell you to stay with an abusive person. It is your life and you must use common sense to understand the reality of your situation.

Be honest with yourself, have you ever thought things would change?

4. Stay for the kids
   Many abusive relationships continue because there are children in the family. Partners do not want to separate the relationship because they are afraid of harming their children. And with the abuse, some families have good times, seeing their children laugh.

Therefore, they cannot afford to end the relationship. Okay, no. Please don’t stay just because you have kids together. Most of the time, the abuse gets worse, and your kids will see it happen to you. They may even think that this is how men or women are supposed to be treated.

5. Society thinks it’s normal
   Society views some abusive actions in relationships as normal. Insulting each other, shouting, throwing things – this behavior is ridiculed by those who see it from the outside. And frankly, this kind of behavior is abuse — it’s verbal and emotional abuse.

While society generally does not see physical abuse as normal, some forms of bullying are considered a joke. And if society considers these things to be normal, the abused person is less likely to leave.

6. Economic dependency
   Some people stay in abusive relationships simply because they can’t leave. If the abusive partner provides all of the income, and there is no one to help the victim escape, the situation may be stuck.

This is especially true for parents who sometimes consider leaving with their children. Therefore, in this case, people stay in abusive relationships because they are not self-sufficient.

7. Get away from fear
   Some are afraid to leave their abusers. Sometimes, the abuser may threaten their partner, saying that if they ever leave, they will hurt them or even worse. This kind of talk is terrifying to abuse victims, and they usually commit to staying in the relationship no matter what happens.

Unfortunately, most of the time, the threatening abuser is physically harming their partner. Although I didn’t put up with as much physical abuse as others might, I did receive threats in other ways. And I once thought my life might be in danger if I left. And so, I understand that feeling.

Break these cycles

It won’t be easy to escape from all of these things. Some of them deal with how you feel about yourself, while others deal with fear and physical dependence. Here are some tips.

1. Get a job
   While some partners try to keep you from working, if they allow it, work, save your money, and you’ll be able to get out. If they have a problem with your work, try to find a friend who can help you. There are even places where single mothers can stay when they need help getting away from abuse.