When you spend time in a toxic relationship, an enabling attitude becomes your coping mechanism.
Basically, without even realizing it, you start behaving in a way that allows your partner to continue their toxic games.
You are creating an environment in which he feels safe to continue his toxic behavioral patterns, and therefore, you are supporting the unhealthy dynamics of your relationship.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to blame you for the fact that you have a toxic partner. No matter what, always remember that you are the victim here.
However, I just want you to be aware of your enabling practices, so you can stop doing them and be one step closer to saving yourself from this destructive relationship.
- Keep saving him
The first red sign that you are an enabler in your toxic relationship is the fact that you have put a lot of effort into trying to save your partner, even though deep down you probably know that this is absolutely impossible.
In fact, most of the time, you’re trying to save this guy from himself. You see yourself as this superwoman whose duty it is to pull him into the light and expel his darkness.
You think you’re the only one who has the ability to fight his demons, the only one who truly understands him and doesn’t have the luxury of giving up on him.
- You always forgive your toxic partner
Let’s be honest here. How many second chances did your friend get from you? How many times have you forgiven him for the way he treated you?
I bet you can’t even remember, can you? Well, the worst part is that now you’re starting to forgive him even before he apologizes.
You are always looking for excuses for his toxic behavior. Basically, you keep justifying him and looking for ways to forgive him, so you can justify staying with him.
- You avoid conflict to maintain peace
Another sign that you are an enabler is the fact that you do everything in your power to avoid any kind of arguments in your relationship.
I’m not saying that you should always pick fights with your friend for no good reason.
However, there is a big difference between avoiding all kinds of conflicts because you are afraid of his reaction and trying to resolve things peacefully.
Basically, you will remain silent even if you disagree with him because you know that even the smallest issues can cause hell in your relationship.
- You think he will change
Almost all enablers have one thing in common: false hope. You wouldn’t be in this relationship if you thought things would stay this way forever, right?
So, instead of seeing the harsh reality, you are living in a dream. You’re convinced that this is just a phase in your romantic life and you refuse to accept that your boyfriend is truly a toxic person.
You are doing your best to make him change his ways, not realizing that it is an impossible feat.
- You always take responsibility
No matter what happens in your relationship, it is always your fault. When something goes wrong, you are the only one to blame.
In fact, most of the time, you are the one who takes full responsibility for things you are not guilty of.
Not only that, but you also bear responsibility for the words and behavior of your other half. You don’t seem to understand that he’s an adult who should stand up for his actions – without you embracing him.
- You defend him to the world
If you are an enabler in your toxic relationship, you have this uncontrollable urge to defend your partner to everyone else, including your closest friends and family members.
She hides his bad behavior and tries to present him as better than he actually is.
Well, tell me one thing: why do you need to do all this if he hasn’t done anything wrong?
I think deep down you know very well that he is the bad guy here and you are actually ashamed of your relationship.
- Deny that you have a problem
What is common for every enabler is that they refuse to accept that there is a serious problem in their relationship.
So, if you continue to deny that your romantic relationship is toxic, despite all the signs of a toxic relationship, you are undoubtedly an enabler.
You are a smart girl. You see all the red flags and people are warning you about your relationship.
However, it is easier for you to sweep things under the rug than to confront them.
If you have to admit that you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you’re going to have to do something about it — and that’s exactly what you’re trying to avoid.
