Most couples describe a healthy, loving relationship as a give-and-take relationship. Sometimes, one person needs attention, support and love from the other in a one-sided way.
Then, at some point in the future, the tables may turn, with both people accepting to provide for each other as needed, while realizing that they also receive this unwavering support and attention in their time of need.
Now, imagine that the relationship wasn’t built on this unwritten expectation that both people were there for each other.
Imagine a relationship where everything was given value and there was one person in the relationship to accumulate as much value as possible.
The entire relationship is based on meeting one person’s needs and never returning any of the value to the other.
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What is narcissistic symptom and how does it affect toxic relationships?
When you take a closer look at the type of individual who might be in this type of toxic relationship, in most cases, it is a narcissist with an insecure attachment.
In other words, they never received comfort, love, and attention from a caregiver early in their lives. There was no understanding that others could be trusted and have good intentions.
Instead, the child learned that people cannot be trusted and that it is important to protect themselves by accumulating as much value as possible from the other person and keeping all of that value for themselves.
In this system, the child learns to reciprocate the caregiver’s attention and affection. This distorted their ability to interact and communicate with others in meaningful ways in order to protect their sense of self-worth.
As the child matures and enters adult relationships, this pattern continues and creates a toxic dynamic.
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Narcissistic supply is what the narcissist demands from the partner.
What the narcissist demands to feel satisfied may be obtained by barter or manipulation.
However, the goal is always for the narcissist to obtain a desirable and never ending supply of:
Having sex without personal or emotional intimacy.
Winning in every aspect of life.
Controlling the environment, your partner, and the lives of others.
Unlimited care and love.
Feelings of power and greatness.
The narcissist does not care about the emotional or mental health and well-being of his or her partner. They need a constant level of narcissistic supply, which often leads to exiting the relationship to fill the emotional void or hole in their being.
Some people think of this as a car’s gas tank – no matter how carefully you drive, you need to constantly fill the tank, which is similar to the constant need of a narcissist.
Narcissists do not start the relationship with these constant demands. In the first part of the relationship, he may be the perfect person. You are the focus and seem to fit everything you want in a partner.
Your interests become their interests, at least in the initial stages. Once committed, the requirements slowly start to pile up.
Along with manipulation and undermining your sense of self, these demands begin to mount to meet narcissistic supply needs.
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