Can you fix a toxic relationship? To be honest, it depends. It depends on the level of toxicity in your relationship. This depends on you and your partner. It depends on how much you and your partner love each other. How much do you want to make it work? There are no short cuts or magic pills.
Love is hard work. Relationships are complicated. And most of the time, it takes a lot of care, awareness, commitment, time, and effort to maintain a healthy relationship.
So if your romantic relationship has become toxic and you don’t know what to do about it. amazing! But the fact that you’re here reading this and looking for ways to heal your relationship means there’s still a chance.
There is still hope. You can still try to make things better. In fact, you can make things better than before. Yes you can. If you want to know how to fix a toxic relationship, let me tell you that there are ways you can try. But before you get started, there are certain things you need to understand.
Why do relationships become toxic?
There are a lot of reasons why a relationship can be toxic. There is no one-size-fits-all answer here. Our relationships are as unique as we are. Sometimes we attract the wrong person like falling in love with a narcissist, while other times we fall in love. You may feel left out, neglected, or have no emotional connection, or your partner may become needy and clingy, or even controlling and controlling.
Relationships are hard. We may want to build a closer relationship with our partners while they may want to become more independent. There are so many differences of opinion that it can make a relationship sour and toxic. But this does not necessarily mean that you stop loving each other. And this is where hope comes in.
Whether you want to grow as a couple by going through hardships or if you want to call it that, part ways hinges on both partners. It’s up to you to decide whether to point fingers or hold hands.
However, if your toxic relationship is leading to physical, emotional, or verbal abuse and psychological manipulation, it is best to simply walk away and be celibate. Don’t choose to be a victim and live a lie. There is a subtle difference between being in an unhealthy relationship and an abusive one. This is a decision that you have to make and it is a very important one. If you are being abused or manipulated, just walk away. Sometimes it is better to let go of something than to stay and suffer.
Is it a toxic relationship or just a bad phase?
Let’s face it, in the real world there is no “happily ever after”. There is no relationship without disruption. Despite what Hollywood romantic comedies may have you believe, sooner or later you will encounter challenges in your relationship that will make you wonder what went wrong? But this is normal. This is how we grow and build stronger and more intimate bonds. We work through it and help each other become better people.
We all have a rough patch in our relationships. It makes us question our love, our partner, and even ourselves. We feel as if we are not appreciated, wanted, or loved. We feel it may be coming to an end. That’s when we ask ourselves the most important question: Is it worth fighting for? Leaving a bad relationship is just as difficult as repairing a meaningful relationship.
But how do you know if you are experiencing temporary problems or if your relationship has become toxic? If you’ve been arguing with each other over external factors like work pressure and stress, it might just be a rough patch. But if your arguments are based on differences in values and you’re starting to believe that treating each other badly is normal, then you need to stand up and take notice.
In a toxic relationship, you feel overwhelmed, helpless, and suffocated. If you feel disrespected and a lack of communication, you need to realize that toxicity has crept in.
Here are some warning signs that you are in a toxic relationship:
You or your partner feel disrespected.
One partner is obsessed with the other.
Use of mean words and rude behavior that leads to verbal abuse.
One partner is being overly possessive and controlling.
Your partner is being cold and caring at the same time.
Whether it’s just a rough patch or a toxic relationship, if you and your partner have given up on each other, if you’ve stopped caring about each other, no amount of advice on how to fix a toxic relationship will help you heal what’s broken. However, if you feel like your partner still loves you, there’s a good chance things might work out.
Heal a toxic relationship
Once you have identified your relationship as a toxic one, you can begin to take actions to heal it which will lead to a more loving relationship.
Here’s how you can fix your toxic relationship
1 Don’t go into any contact.
First and foremost, take a break from the relationship. No, I’m not asking you to break up. I suggest you simply take a break from each other and avoid contact for 3-4 weeks. Of course, this can be a little difficult if you’re married or living together. In this case, you can either reduce contact or live with your parents, or stay with a friend for a while. You can also go on a solo vacation for a few weeks.
Lack of contact will give you and your partner some time away from each other and allow you to spend more time with yourself. This is not a strategy or scheme to get your partner to value you more. It is simply the perfect way to reset your relationship.
You can use this time to reflect on your relationship, reflect on when things started to go downhill, and how wrong you were to make the relationship toxic. It will also make you and your partner miss each other and realize how valuable you are in each other’s lives. No contact will remove the toxic effect and bring the focus back to love and passion. Have you heard the old adage “absence makes the heart grow fonder”?
2 Focus on love.
During the no contact period, take time to reflect on your relationship. But instead of focusing on the problems, try reminding yourself why you fell in love with your partner and how much you love them.
Get a notebook and write down all the reasons you love your boyfriend or girlfriend. Ask yourself why you are searching the internet for how to fix a toxic relationship. The answer is simple, you still love them. Shift your focus to the good vibes and how much they mean to you.
3 Accept that you are wrong too.
Understand, identify, and accept the mistakes that led your relationship into toxic territory. Whatever made things worse, you and your partner are both at fault. By accepting your mistakes, you will be able to fix at least half of the problems. Fixing yourself is easier than fixing your partner’s problems. right? So start by defining your role in all this drama and heal yourself to make things better.
By taking responsibility for your reactions and feelings and letting go of your expectations of your partner, you will open yourself up to better understand your partner and what exactly needs fixing in your relationship.
4 Stop trying to be a lifesaver.
Stop taking responsibility for your partner’s feelings. This does not mean that you will insult them, avoid them, and not expect them to respond. What I mean is that you shouldn’t take the blame for your partner’s feelings and reactions even when it’s not your fault. We all tend to have expectations from a relationship. There will be several cases where our partners will not meet our expectations for any reason.
Having said that, as long as you are committed and loyal, it is not your responsibility to live up to all of the expectations that your boyfriend or girlfriend may have of you.
So if they feel hurt or unloved because their expectations weren’t met, repeat to yourself that it’s not your fault. Feelings of guilt or blame will not make things better in the long run. Sooner or later, these feelings will surface and make things worse. Stop being the savior. It is not your job to save the relationship.
5 Talk about it.
I simply cannot overemphasize the importance of communication in a healthy relationship. Engage in deep and meaningful conversations with your partner. Talk about the things that matter to you, talk about the things that hurt you, appreciate what you like about them, talk about life, talk about love, passions, passions, everything that’s on your mind.
Effective communication can give your relationship the restart it needs right now. You may feel vulnerable by talking about your deepest feelings and thoughts, but in the end, it’s all worth it. Talk to your partner even when things feel uncomfortable. It will allow you to better understand your relationship and know exactly where you stand. Talk about the difficult things and let your partner know how much you love them.
6 Be patient.
It took many months, if not years, to turn your loving relationship into a toxic and unhealthy one. So it will take time to reverse the process. If you expect that one fine day you will talk to your partner and suddenly things will improve, then you need to get up now. It takes time to change bad habits. And it will take time to reverse your toxic relationship and make things better.
So be patient, be understanding, and be open. You and your partner will need to put in a lot of effort. But things will get better. Trust the process. Believe in your love. There’s a reason why you two got together in the first place. So avoid all the negativity and make it easier for your partner to get back at the person they fell in love with.
From toxic to romantic
It’s possible. There is an opportunity to repair a toxic relationship and experience the love you once felt in your relationship. But not all relationships can be healed. Like I said before, sometimes it’s best to walk away.
When you try to heal your relationship and if it doesn’t work out, at least she will know in your heart that you gave her everything you could. You will mature into a better person in the process. You will be more willing to develop and nurture a healthy, loving, and lasting relationship next time around.