We all interact with different people in our lives, but sometimes these interactions can be more manipulative and nefarious than we would like to admit.

And if you’re like me, you may look at some relationships or conversations and find it difficult to pinpoint why you feel uncomfortable, taken advantage of, or unsure of your judgment.

Or where exactly they went wrong.

You’ll keep second guessing yourself and wondering how you know if what you went through were the calculated mind games of a manipulative person…

Or if you’re just experiencing the normal complexities of human interactions, and not dealing with a manipulator at all.

Knowing the difference between the two is key to distinguishing everyday life from manipulators, and protecting yourself from manipulators.

So, I’ve compiled a list of 6 common mind games that manipulative people often use to get their way.

If you notice any of these in your daily relationships, it may be time to re-evaluate the other person’s intentions.

Gaslighting: A classic play on the manipulator’s handbook

Gaslighting (read our brochure here) is a powerful psychological tactic often used by manipulative individuals to plant seeds of doubt in a person’s mind. Through criticism and denial, they push their victims to question their memory, perception, or sanity – which inevitably leads that person to doubt themselves.

You may have experienced this if you have ever felt like your feelings or reactions are “exaggerated,” “crazy” or “too sensitive.”

The manipulator may persistently deny that certain events occurred or dismiss your memories as misremembered or exaggerated.

This game is particularly harmful because it can break down an individual’s self-esteem and confidence in their judgment, making it easier for the manipulator to control and exploit them.

Recognizing gaslighting when it occurs is the first step toward regaining your sense of self and reality.

Showing Kindness: A Deceptive Manipulator Mask

This may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes kindness isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Manipulative people often project an image of kindness and generosity to gain your trust and affection, but they tend to have ulterior motives at play…

You may have experienced this when someone showers you with unwanted favors, gifts, or compliments. It is offered only in a transactional manner; I scratch your back, you scratch mine for the next ten years. In other words, creating a feeling of indebtedness.

The manipulator uses these gestures not out of genuine care or friendship, but as a tool to make you feel obligated to him in some way.

This hidden game can be difficult to detect, because it hides the manipulator’s intentions under the guise of good faith. However, understanding this tactic can help you distinguish between genuine kindness and calculated manipulation.

Playing the Victim: The Manipulator’s Empathy Card

Another common strategy used by manipulative individuals is playing the victim. They may often tell detailed tales of their suffering, portraying themselves as innocent victims of circumstances, whom you cannot even dare to blame.

You may have encountered this when someone habitually blames others for their misfortunes, and never takes responsibility for their actions.

The manipulator uses these sordid stories to elicit sympathy and manipulate your emotions, making you feel guilty for holding them accountable.

Identifying this tactic (and telling it through real stories of trauma, which you need to empathize with) can be difficult, because it taps into our natural instincts to empathize with and help others.

However, discovering this game can help you maintain a clear perspective and avoid falling into the guilt trap set by the manipulator.

The silent treatment: The manipulator’s weapon of isolation

The silent treatment is a painful tactic used by manipulative individuals to punish and control. It involves withholding communication, affection, or attention to make you feel unwanted, guilty, or desperate for approval.

You may have experienced it when someone suddenly stops talking to you or showing any form of warmth towards you without any apparent reason.

This may leave you feeling confused, anxious, and wanting to do anything to fix the relationship.

The scary thing about this tactic is how it isolates you emotionally. It’s a stark reminder of how manipulative individuals use silence as a weapon to make you doubt your self-worth and manipulate you into doing what they want.

Precious generosity: the taste of manipulator

Not unlike showering you with kindness or portraying themselves as someone who needs extreme kindness, a manipulator may also use overwhelming generosity as a tool of manipulation.

This doesn’t mean that all generous people are manipulative and deserve a skeptical eye, but it is a tactic some use to create a sense of obligation.

You may have experienced this if someone constantly showered you with gifts, favors, or acts of service, and then later used that as pressure to get you to comply with their requests. The manipulator uses his past “generosity” as a guilt trip, making you feel indebted to him.

Understanding this strategy can be difficult because it challenges our perception of kindness. However, realizing this can help us distinguish between true generosity and a disguised manipulation of benevolence.

Flattery: The magic of the manipulator

Flattery is a classic tool in a manipulator’s toolkit. By showering you with compliments and compliments, they can easily gain your trust and affection, making it easier for them to influence your actions and decisions.

You may have experienced this when someone constantly compliments you, especially in areas where you feel insecure.

These compliments may seem good at first, but the manipulator uses them to create a state of dependence on his approval.

This tactic can be difficult to recognize because it satisfies our desire for validation. However, understanding them can help you distinguish between genuine compliments and flattery used as a means of control.

Understanding the manipulator’s game (so you can beat him)

Familiarizing yourself with these games is just the first step in disarming the manipulator during play. Understanding why manipulative people use these tactics and how they affect us can provide greater insight into their behavior and help us better protect ourselves.

Manipulative individuals often use these tactics as a way to exert control, gain power, or meet their own needs, often at the expense of others.

They may have been victims themselves of manipulation or other forms of abuse in their past, perpetuating and justifying a cycle of unhealthy behavior in their heads and in the eyes of others.

The effects of these games can be profound and long-lasting. It can cause emotional damage, shatter self-esteem, and create a feeling of confusion and mistrust. Often, victims find themselves questioning their judgment, value, and perceptions of reality.

Ultimately, recognition and understanding are powerful tools in dismantling the manipulator’s game. Armed with this knowledge, we can better approach our interactions with more confidence, clarity, and dignity – ensuring that we are not simply pawns or puppets in someone else’s game.