We all want to see the best in our partners, regardless of the real situation.
Even when it’s to our own detriment, we tend to ignore those little things that we know are so wrong because of our false hope that is basically the only thing that gets us past our toxic relationship.
Getting out of an abusive relationship is always difficult, whether it’s physical or emotional abuse.
Saying no to your partner and leaving them once and for all sounds easy enough, but in reality, it’s a very difficult situation.
We live in a society that imposes all kinds of stigmas and restrictions on people for various reasons.
For example, if you’re a woman in your late 20s, you’ll be judged (silently) if you’re not married yet — or at least on your way there.
If you don’t have a boyfriend at this age, then there is definitely something wrong with you – or at least that’s what you’re led to believe – and you feel like you’re being judged and looked down upon.
All those things (and many more!) are what’s doing us all a huge disservice because due to those stigmas, we choose to stay in unhealthy relationships that are toxic for us and are ruining our mental health.
We’d rather suffer in silence and pretend everything looks peachy on the outside, than stay single and happy until the right guy comes along – a guy who won’t be abusive and toxic and make us feel like crap.
Because of these unfortunate issues, women everywhere suffer in silence.
They let men rule their world by slowly diminishing their self-perceptions and making them feel wrong for wanting their voices to be heard.
I want you to remember that it doesn’t really have to be this way. You can find your way out. He’s not your boss, you need to show him that!
There are a lot of things you can do when you allow your false sense of hope to keep you in an abusive relationship, and here are 5 things that will definitely help you find your way to goodness!
Go to your nearest and dearest (let them help you!)
Your partner may have painted an idealized image of themselves to your family and friends, but you are the one they love, and you are the one they will believe, so don’t be shy about telling them the truth.
Explain to them how emotionally destroyed you feel and in what ways your partner has contributed to this.
Let them in, and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
They are your safe place and once they start seeing it for what it is and how miserable and broken you are, they will be your best support system while helping you get over it once and for all.
Start saying “no” to his crazy demands and refuse to comply
He needs to see that you are not his puppet—not anymore. Be calm, sure of yourself, and don’t let him get to you.
Next time he asks you something crazy, say no.
Do not raise your voice, and do not be spiteful. Just say that you do not agree to what he is asking of you, and that you will not do such a thing.
Once he sees that you are learning to stand up to him, he will slowly start to panic, and he will see his hold on you disappear.
He won’t like it, and over time, it will become easier for you to walk away because the abusive partner thrives on submission, which is no longer the case with you.
If he threatens to put his hands on you, call the police and let him see how serious you are
If he starts threatening to touch you or harm you in any way, pick up the phone, and start dialling.
Show him how serious you are, and this will make his madness subside.
Fear is the most effective motivator, and once he sees that you’re not messing around and that you won’t put up with his madness anymore, he will calm down and back off.
But if you don’t, leave immediately and get help.
Secretly record his tantrums and keep this record in a safe place for when you need proof that you are being abused
Keep your phone hidden somewhere and press “record” when you feel it triggered in order to record it all on video.
You can also keep the phone in your pocket while recording so you can record him verbally abusing you.
This will come in handy if you decide to go to the police, because this is proof of his abuse, and you’ll easily get at least a restraining order – if nothing else.
Having actual proof of what it’s like when he’s crazy will also make him afraid to show it to people, so he might make him let you go in peace.
Go to a family member’s house and cut off contact with them
Stay at your sister’s house for as long as you need, and have two or more people collect your things if you’re sharing a space with your partner.
As long as you keep it down to a few, it will be fine.
Make him see that you’re done with him and his bullshit, and don’t answer any of his calls and texts.
Live your life, keep yourself surrounded by those close to you, and stay away from places where you might meet him.
Try to always be in the company of your loved one, and start organizing your life by slowly erasing them from your mind.
Sooner or later, he’s going to get tired of calling and harrassing you, and finally let you be happy and at peace surrounded by those who love you.
