It can be very difficult to know if you are in a relationship with a narcissist. Fortunately, there are signs that can help you.
Narcissists are all around us. From that friend on Facebook who never posts a bad selfie, to the charming boss at work who always manages to bring the conversation back to itself. The problem is that they exist on a spectrum, just like autism. Like autistic people, there is a wide range of narcissists, from those with complete egos to others who tip the scales.
Here are four signs that can help you determine if you are in a relationship with a narcissist:
Are you the center of attention?
It seems counterintuitive, that a narcissist would turn his focus to someone other than himself, however, in the early stages of a relationship, this is exactly what happens.
The narcissist will target someone attractive, powerful, rich, or famous and make them feel like they are the center of the universe. Narcissists will transform themselves into what they believe is the ideal partner for that person, playing that role to perfection.
They will shower the target with love and affection, gifts and compliments; They will literally put it on a pedestal and knock it off their feet. The target will not know what hit them, they will never have experienced a love like this before. For them, it will be as if they have found their soul mate.
Are you starting to doubt yourself?
It is important to understand what the narcissist tends to do next, once he has ensnared his victim. Once the goal is obtained, the narcissist quickly loses interest. This can happen over weeks or overnight.
For the target, this can be devastating. One moment they are being showered with attention, the next. When this happens you start to doubt, not your partner, but yourself.
You ask yourself – “What did I do to make this wonderful person stop loving me?”
The narcissist is absent, silent, doesn’t return calls, the change is a complete 180 degree turn and you are left confused and wounded. However, in the narcissist’s mind, a different theory is going on.
At the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist was high, their emotional void filled, and their boredom satiated. Now that euphoria has worn off and they are bored again. You’re clearly not who they imagined they were and they start to take out their frustrations on you.
Is your partner violent when facing a challenge?
Every relationship with a narcissist will involve constant violence rather than a conversation to win an argument.
The problems start once the narcissist realizes that you don’t have to be on that pedestal they put you on. When they start to create distance between the two of you, you need to know what happened to that loving person you feel in love with. But that person was never there, and the more you try to find them, the farther the narcissist will go. If the narcissist is put into a corner, the narcissist will lash out, because the worst thing for them is for someone to discover their true self.
The most dangerous time to be around a narcissist is when their facade is falling apart around them. They will do anything to protect him, even kill. The best thing you can do is walk away and not look back.
Have you been dropped from a relationship without explanation?
A narcissist will end their relationship and walk away without a second look. But as with all things, we need closure and understanding. This is especially true if the relationship was problematic and our self-esteem was damaged.
It takes time to overcome the callous and demeaning behavior of a narcissist. People with narcissistic traits are cold, unemotional, and cruel, with no feelings of pity or remorse. They are skilled at targeting, manipulating, and choosing their victims carefully.
What people should remember is that a narcissist will never take responsibility for his actions, he will always make excuses and blame others for their misfortunes. Narcissists’ victims feel as though they have been caught in a whirlwind of their own campaign and then thrown out of the sky.
Do you think you are in a relationship with a narcissist?
If any of the above signs are true for you, it could mean that you are dating a narcissist, but remember what we said in the beginning, they are on a spectrum. It could be that your partner is touch narcissistic and this means that they simply care about their appearance.
However, if they go through periods of not speaking that end in violent rows, it may be time to reconsider where you go from here. Only you know if you can be happy or not, but remember that a narcissist will never change.
