Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can drain you emotionally and psychologically, leaving you mentally exhausted. The constant cycle of idealization, devaluation, and ostracism makes one wonder if it is really love?
Some people who do not understand the scope of narcissism, mistake it for a minor flaw and choose to adapt to it. The bad news is that narcissism isn’t just a minor flaw, it’s a personality disorder.
You may think that a narcissist’s love for you is real, but the reality couldn’t be further from the truth. They will love you and treat you right as long as it is in their interests. The moment your job is done, they will fire you. Altruism is not something narcissists believe in.
4 Subtle signs of an emotionally abusive relationship
- Treating people as objects and a means to an end
Narcissists do not enter into relationships with the same ideas about love, fairness, ideas of shared responsibility, convenience, equality, partnership, etc. that normal people have. Instead, narcissists are extremely pushy, shortsighted, and selfish.
As long as you can serve a narcissist’s interests, you’ll stay in the picture, and if you can’t, you’re out. It is that simple for a narcissist to cut people out of their lives.
If you get into a narcissistic relationship, everything will be fine and perfect at first. With time, you will slowly begin to see signs of control, manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse.
At first, you may end up dismissing these signs as hard spots or bad days, but with time you will realize that the same things happen over and over again. Narcissistic abuse will leave you feeling mentally unhappy and unsure of yourself all the time.
In an emotionally abusive relationship, the harsh truth is that you don’t matter, only the narcissist does. No matter how many times they apologize for hurting you, they will always go back to their old ways. This is only possible when they see that their victim is constantly forgiving them, no matter what they do.
What reinforces their overconfidence is the fact that the victim never leaves and chooses to make things “work”. This is greatly exploited by narcissists who continue to use their partners to satisfy their malevolent desires.
- Narcissistic abuse does not believe in compromise
Compromise is an essential part of a relationship, and at some point or another, everyone compromises in order to maintain a stable and happy relationship. However, when you’re dealing with a narcissist, throw the concept of compromise out the window, because they simply don’t understand how that works. And even if they did, they couldn’t care less about it.
Narcissists don’t believe in bargaining, so why would they? Compromising means that they may have to sacrifice their own desires or put them on the back burner and prioritize the other person’s needs. A situation like this is an absolute no-no for a narcissist.
When you are someone who wants to share love, comfort, peace, and closeness with your partner but realize that they are so hell-bent on power they can never compromise, it can take a toll on your relationship.
Narcissistic abuse can be described as destroying opportunities for intimacy by bringing up old issues, power struggles, and negative things other people say about you.
This leads to the heartbreaking realization that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship with someone who likely will not be able to connect on the levels we all desire in intimate relationships.
The narcissist in no way believes in making the other person feel good, except for the times when they need something from them. If a narcissist needs something from you, they will compliment you, make you feel special, and make sure you feel positive all the time with them.
But once their work is done, the feel-good factor wears off, and the kind demeanor as well as the positivity goes away.
A narcissistic relationship can lead you to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and massive amounts of self-doubt because without all of this, a narcissist could never manipulate you to his heart’s content.
- Honesty without trust is worthless
Confiding in narcissists can be one of the hardest things you can do in a relationship because almost all they do is lie. No matter what you say or ask, they will always have a lie on the tip of their tongue. They will be “honest” with you and not be honest at the same time.
They are always delusional in themselves, figuring if they can control the truth from seeing the light of day if they can stop the prisoners from speaking, then they can control reality.
In such a situation, how can you trust a person who lies so easily and openly? The funny part is, if you confront them with this, they will give you a hundred excuses as to why they said what they said.
Typical of their nature, they will manipulate the situation and somehow convince you of their innocence and why they are right. If you somehow end up believing him, that’s all well and good but if you don’t, you’re “crazy,” “suspicious,” “arrogant,” “annoying,” and more.
Manipulating and undermining people is what a narcissist does best, which is why being in a narcissistic relationship can severely affect your mental health.