When you see a woman dealing with a narcissist who is destroying her life, you say to yourself: What do you do with him?
She wonders how she couldn’t see the red flags and how she could have been so foolish to believe this man’s lies.
Well, even though most of us assume otherwise, the truth is that it’s easy to miss the signs of a controlling boyfriend at first.
All manipulative people, including him, hide their true colors until they get under your skin and push you into a toxic relationship with them — a relationship you can’t get out of without difficulty.
Well, that’s why we’re here – to save you from the horrific fate that all those cheated girls faced.
We’re here to help you open your eyes with these 18 early warning signs of a controlling boyfriend, which unfortunately many girls don’t notice in time.
- He criticizes everything you do
One of the first signs that you are dealing with a controlling person is constant criticism from your friend.
Let’s be real here: When it comes to true love, your partner shouldn’t lie to you, telling you that everything is going smoothly and that you’re making all the right decisions, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. .
Instead, your true friends will criticize you for your actions. They will tell you when you make a mistake; They will point out your mistakes in time.
This especially applies to your partner. He should be the one who delivers the harsh truth straight into your eyes, even if it’s the last thing you want to hear.
Yes, this often includes criticism. This is a man who wants to see you become a better person, and he has every right to tell you what he thinks and be honest about your behavior and actions.
However, it’s a completely different story if your entire controlling relationship is based on this man criticizing your every move and word.
In this case, he is definitely not trying to help you improve or influence you in a good way; He’s doing his best to frustrate you.
This guy should make a nasty comment about every little thing in your life. He doesn’t like the way you look, dress, talk, act, walk, eat, smell…
Most of the time, you feel attacked by him. In fact, after a while, you become afraid to do anything because you know what kind of reaction you can expect from him.
It insults your education, your worldviews aren’t right, you don’t make enough money, you’re not pretty enough, the list goes on. Sound familiar?
Well, if that’s the case, one thing is clear: This guy is doing all of this on purpose. He wants you to feel as bad about yourself as possible so that he can control you more easily.
- He emotionally blackmails you
Anyone who has suffered from emotional blackmail knows the pain and devastation they go through.
In fact, the problem with this is that you find it difficult to recognize it and understand that you are actually being blackmailed.
Of course, once you do this, it is usually too late. You are already trapped in an endless cycle of torture, and it takes a lot of time, energy and effort to get yourself out of there.
So, what is emotional blackmail really? It is actually a technique in which manipulative people (in your case your controlling partner) use your feelings towards them or your sense of conscience against you.
It usually starts with simple demands, which later turn into threats once they are not responded to positively.
For example, if your boyfriend is emotionally blackmailing you, he may threaten to leave you unless you do things his way — unless you listen to him.
He will probably make it clear to you that he will stop loving you unless you obey him. However, things do not always end there.
In fact, many emotional blackmailers go further. They threaten to do something to themselves or even commit suicide if you are the one who turns away from them or does something they don’t agree with.
Sounds terrible, I know. The worst part is that at first you really believe them and struggle with these terrible guilt trips.
Even if you doubt that their threats are actually real, there is always that small, deep voice inside your head that wonders, “What if?”
What if he really did what he promised? Can you live with yourself if this man hurts himself when you leave him?
So, you end up staying with him or doing exactly what he asked you to do out of fear.
If this is something you are going through, know that this man knows you. He knows your weaknesses and weaknesses, and uses them to his advantage.
- He isolates you from everyone
This is the most common sign of a controlling friend: isolation. Everyone who tries to control and manipulate you will do their best to make you cut ties with everyone around you.
You may think he is doing this because he loves you so much and wants to have you all to himself. However, this is just a deception that he wants you to believe.
Please, don’t be flattered when someone tries to control your social and family life. He does this because that way it is easier for him to control you.
It all starts with not liking your friends and family. Of course, these are your people and he has no obligation to fancy them, but he certainly must respect them.
However, before you know it, his opinions and attitudes towards your loved ones begin to affect you as well.
You may not notice it at first, but after a while, you notice that you have become distant from them and that you adopt your friend’s opinions.
Of course, this man never tells you about his ultimate intentions. Instead, he makes you think he’s trying to open your eyes.
He doesn’t want you to go out at night and come home late because he’s worried about your health.
He wants you to stop hanging out with that particular crowd because it has a bad effect on you, you are so perfect.
Every time you go out without him, he makes sure to ruin it for you. He’s angry or depressed afterward, or he calls you in the middle of a date with your friend because he has an emergency that only you can help him with.
Thus, you lose the desire to spend free time with others because you know the result and the buzz that awaits you when you see it.
Or your friends get tired of this behavior and they are the ones who end up cutting you off.
Moreover, suddenly, no one around you is good enough. Your friends are potential traitors who you shouldn’t trust and are just jealous of you, and your family never appreciated you enough.
Basically, no one really cares about you. In fact, he is the only one who truly loves you and wants to save you from all those bad people around you.
But the truth is that he is the bad guy in the story. He wants to isolate you so he can control you more easily.
It’s actually very simple. If you have no one to talk to, the controlling person can brainwash you into believing what they want.
You don’t have your best friends to tell you that your relationship isn’t healthy, and make you doubt his moves and behavior towards you.
Also, when you are completely isolated from the rest of the world, it will be difficult for you to let go. You have no one to turn to, no one to support you, and you become completely dependent on them.
- He makes fun of you
Every girl loves a man who can make her smile, and you are no exception. You enjoy starting a new relationship with a friend who can make you cry with laughter.
Besides, humor is an important part of every relationship, including romantic relationships. It expels negativity, brings optimism and unites spouses.
This is all true as long as we are talking about healthy humor. The way your friend flirts with you is anything but.
Instead, more often than not, his jokes are meant to hurt you. It is inappropriate and inadequate.
It is sarcastic and ironic. However, he doesn’t like other people, so it’s very clear that his jokes are actually a mask for insults directed at you – and that this is personal.
To be honest, this guy is actually making fun of you. It’s not trying to be funny and it certainly doesn’t go out of its way to make you laugh.
In fact, when he’s joking, he’s actually insulting you. He points out your flaws and makes fun of you.
The worst part is that he especially likes to do this when you’re both surrounded by others. It’s as if he’s enjoying everyone’s sadism by laughing at you.
He takes every opportunity he gets to use your deepest hurts and darkest secrets against you. This man knows your fears and uses them as the basis for his jokes.
He makes fun of you and embarrasses you all the time. Basically, this guy is bullying you and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Even when you confront him about his behavior and tell him frankly that you don’t feel comfortable when he jokes like that, he makes fun of your sensitivity.
He tells you that he’s just messing around, that he’s not trying to hurt your feelings, and that you should calm down and toughen up a little.
- He’s paranoid about your fidelity
At first, I was flattered by this. But after a while, you see yourself as a big problem.
Your boyfriend doesn’t allow you to have male friends. He makes a big fuss when he sees you talking to your male friends or co-workers, and accuses every one of them of being in love with you.
It literally follows your eyes to see where and who you are looking at. He accuses you of flirting with the guy at the supermarket, the hotel front desk, and every other man you ever have contact with.
This guy clearly doesn’t trust you. He assumes that you won’t be faithful to him at the first chance you get, when in reality that’s the last thing on your mind.
He questions your morals and is convinced that you will replace him with someone else.
- He’s obsessed with your exes
And this is not the worst. Not only is your boyfriend jealous of the other men in your life now, but he also fights with you about your past.
It seems like this guy can’t accept that you have a life before him. He is obsessed with every one of your past relationships and past friends.
He wants to know every detail of everything you did before him.
Not only that, but he lives in constant fear that you’ll go back to one of your exes – he’s nothing more than a rebound – despite the fact that you’ve been together for a long time.
He tortures you by demanding that you tell him every little detail about your relationships in front of him. Then, once he finds out everything he wants to know, he uses it against you and rubs it right in your face.
This guy is actually comparing himself to all of your exes. He wants to make sure you never love anyone the way you love him.
He is a narcissist who seeks constant validation. He wants you to assure him that he is the only one for you, that all of your exes were wrong, and that none of them mean anything to you.
You can’t even think about remaining on friendly terms with any of your exes. Your friend gets crazy even when he sees you greeting him on the street or following him on social media.
- Leaves you in debt
The problem with controlling people is that they don’t seem that way at first glance. Conversely, dominant men usually present themselves as too good to be true at first.
When you first met your boyfriend, you thought all your dreams had finally come true and you couldn’t dream of finding yourself in a controlling relationship.
You can’t believe that you are so lucky to meet a perfect man like him.
He was romantic, he cared for you, he did you favors, and he was there for you, no matter what. This guy even bought you gifts and offered to help him even when you didn’t ask him to.
Naturally, you consider it your gift from heaven. You were convinced that he was doing all this because of the goodness of his heart and the depth of his feelings for you.
However, all of that was actually just part of his bigger plan through which he intended to manipulate you.
Your friend did chores for you, lent you money, gave you advice, and solved all your problems until he left you in debt.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about any kind of physical debt here. I’m talking about the emotional debt this control freak has placed on you.
As time goes by, it seems like you can’t repay this man for everything he’s done for you. He constantly reminds you of all the good things you owe him and puts you on endless guilt trips.
Clearly his intentions were never sincere. He never gave you anything out of the goodness of his heart, otherwise he wouldn’t take every opportunity he got to rub it in your face.
He expects your eternal gratitude. It’s as if you should let him treat you the way he wants just for all the favors he’s done you.
Although you should certainly appreciate his sacrifices, it’s important to remember that you’re never asking him for anything. Basically, you don’t owe him anything.
Leaving you in debt is one of this man’s ways of controlling you and emotionally blackmailing you. By doing this, he makes sure that you will never leave him.
- It is very unsafe
One of the early signs of a controlling friend is his or her insecurity, which is also common in narcissists (and most likely is).
This is actually common for all manipulative and toxic people, as well as for control freaks.
Although they appear confident, deep down they are actually suffering from deep issues that the world knows nothing about.
To the normal eye, you wouldn’t notice that this guy is insecure. He will carefully hide his traumas and weaknesses, and will never reveal his weaknesses to you.
You probably see him as this tough guy and alpha male. In fact, you’ll be proud of his dominance and think you’ve finally found yourself a real man.
However, as time goes by, you will realize the devastating truth. You will see that this man actually has deep-rooted self-esteem issues, which he projects onto you.
Your friend is actually scaring you. He thinks you are a better person than him. Deep down, he thinks he doesn’t deserve you.
So instead of working on himself to become better and worthy of your love, he does something completely different.
He does his best to pull you down to his level, because it’s the only way for him not to feel inferior.
He wants to destroy your self-confidence and turn you into an insecure woman, because only then can he feel equal to you.
He also lives in constant fear that you will eventually break up with him.
He is terrified that sooner or later you will discover his true colors, realize that you can do better, see that he is not enough for you, and walk away from this relationship.
Basically, your boyfriend thinks he has to manipulate you into staying with him. He assumes that you will never willingly be his girlfriend and that he simply must control you if he doesn’t want to lose you.
- His love is conditional
There is no doubt about one thing: true love is, among other things, unconditional. It has nothing to do with your background, education, finances or anything else.
When you love someone, you love them no matter what.
You are willing to accept this person at his worst, love him despite his bad sides, love his flaws, support him and stand by him against the whole world.
This kind of love cannot be destroyed by anything or anyone. It is eternal and everlasting.
However, these words cannot describe the love that your friend feels for you, right? In fact, this man’s love is actually conditional.
First, this guy doesn’t like you when you don’t live up to his standards. He doesn’t act like he likes you when you’re not perfect, and he definitely doesn’t like your flaws.
He can’t stand you when you feel down or go through some difficulties. It is nowhere to be found when you are stressed, depressed or in any kind of pain.
Also, another red flag that indicates unhealthy love are the conditions he places on you directly. He wants you to do everything his way, so he manipulates you into listening to him.
For example, if he doesn’t want you to go out with your friends tonight, he threatens to cancel your plans for tomorrow night if you disobey him and see your friends against his wishes.
If you don’t stop wearing short skirts that you are explicitly forbidden from wearing, he will stop being nice to your parents and siblings.
Most importantly: if you don’t do everything his way, he will stop loving you.
Well, let me tell you one thing: If love is real, there is nothing the other person can do to make your feelings die. So, this is just an attempt to control you.
- He expects you to blindly follow in his footsteps
According to this man, you have to do what he says and you have no right to make your own decisions.
He is the one who knows what is best for you, He is the one who will show you the way, and He is the one who does everything for your benefit.
He is the smartest, the wisest, and the most efficient. He is the person you should listen to and the one you should emulate.
In fact, most of the time, this guy doesn’t act like your friend or romantic partner. He doesn’t treat you like his girlfriend, but like his daughter that he has to raise and raise.
Your boyfriend doesn’t want equality in your relationship. In fact, he expects you to always be one step behind him.
He wants you to see him as your savior and the light at the end of the tunnel. Not only that, it also convinces you that you can’t live without it and that you need it to function properly.
He cannot accept that there are times when you disagree with him, that you have some opinions and attitudes that differ from him, and that you do not blindly follow him in life.
He doesn’t want you to have your own judgmental skills, which have nothing to do with him. He doesn’t let you make your own decisions and wants to become your leader and the only guidance you need.
- He complains of emotional neglect
When it comes to true love, you have an uncontrollable desire to spend all your free time with them.
As much affection and attention as this person gives you, you always want more and feel like you can’t get enough of this special person.
However, once this infatuation passes, you realize that under these terms, you are heading towards a toxic relationship.
You continue to love your romantic partner, but you realize that you are separated and that him not giving you his full attention for a moment does not necessarily mean that he has stopped loving you.
However, no matter how much effort you put into your boyfriend, he constantly complains about the lack of affection and attention he gets from you.
He tells you that he feels emotionally neglected and lonely every time you engage in a single activity that doesn’t involve him.
At first, he portrays himself as this poor, lonely, abandoned man who doesn’t love him enough. However, after a while, you will realize that this is actually part of the isolation process that we already talked about.
This man is a brilliant manipulator, don’t forget that. Moreover, he is your long-term friend, so it is only natural that he knows the core of your being.
So, he’s counting on you feeling guilty because you make him feel the way he tells you. He’s counting on you to cut more and more people off so you can give him all the attention he needs.
He deliberately destroys all your encounters, hobbies, and interests that do not include him.
He knows that the next time, for example, someone asks you out, you will say “no” because that is the only way to prevent the consequences of his complaint.
Before you know it, you’ll lose all your contacts and be stuck with just him.
When you are married or living with your boyfriend, it is normal for you to share expenses. You split the rent and bills, and agree on other bills.
However, even in this scenario, you should have some money for yourself. After all, you shouldn’t be in a situation where you’re asking your husband for pocket money, like you’re a little kid.
This is especially true if you have your own source of income.
However, even if you’re a stay-at-home wife or mom, you’re doing your part by taking care of the home, so you deserve to get some money, too.
However, you are not in any of these situations. We’re talking about your partner here.
This means you probably don’t live together or share a wallet. You make your own money and he does the same.
Don’t go around asking him to feed you or buy you things. Don’t expect him to support you financially.
However, despite all this, your friend complains about your money. He gets upset when you spend money on something he doesn’t want, when you don’t save enough, or when you buy something he thinks you don’t need.
It’s one thing if you’re financially irresponsible and he’s just giving you advice. After all, he’s supposed to share his life with you and he doesn’t want to do that with a woman who doesn’t know how to handle money.
However, these are not your friend’s motives. The truth is that this man can’t stand the fact that you’re financially independent and self-sufficient, and you don’t need his help when it comes to money.
Moreover, he will be happy if you stop working. No, he is not asking you to quit your job once you get married because he wants to take care of you and save you hard work.
He does this because it will be another way to control you. After all, if you don’t have money, you have less chance to complain.
You have nowhere to go if you choose to break up with him. You can’t move an inch without him knowing it. Thus, he has complete control over all aspects of your life.
- He blames
As mentioned before, one of the early warning signs of a controlling lover is the fact that he or she is playing with your conscience.
This man knows you very well. He knows how to play with your mental health, which alone is sign enough of an unhealthy relationship and not true love.
According to him, he is never responsible for anything bad in your relationship. Even when he makes a mistake and admits it, he somehow manages to turn the tables.
