If you fall foul of a narcissist, don’t blame yourself. The truth is, they are smart and manipulative.
They have a wide range of tricks at their disposal, all designed to trick you.
These master manipulators love mind games.
Learning about these games is the important first step to releasing their grip on you.
1) They are suspiciously charming
If narcissists showed their true selves from the beginning, they would not trap anyone.
That’s why they always start with flattery and compliments.
The goal is to make you feel special. And then, once you’re addicted to it, they start playing uglier mind games.
Their charm is different from health care because it’s over the top.
Related : 14 red flags you’re dating a covert narcissist
Love bombing often involves declarations of affection that seem too soon for how long you’ve known each other.
2) They subtly find ways to point out your flaws
They have a clever way of targeting you that is often able to fly under the radar.
It is often packaged as follows:
- just a joke
- Constructive feedback
- Real concern
- But it’s none of those things.
They are simply trying to take away your self-esteem and try to make you feel bad about yourself.
The idea is simple and effective:
The less good you feel about yourself, the more dependent you are on yourself.
3) I caught them lying but they still deny it
This sign falls into a very bad narcissistic habit of gaslighting.
This psychological tactic involves trying to make you question your sanity.
Even though you know something is true, they deny the facts and intentionally distort events.
They can be so effective with their lies that you start to wonder if it’s all in your head.
4) They doubt your loyalty or devotion
Think of this as a little fishing trip.
They have to take the upper hand and play the victim (two favorite things of the narcissist).
They say things like:
“I don’t think you ever loved me before.”
“If you loved me, you would…”
They usually pull this trick out of the bag when they want to try to manipulate you into doing or not doing something.
5) They talk to you about things you don’t want to do
Boundaries are vital in any relationship.
They help protect us.
This is why narcissists hate boundaries.
You feel increasingly uncomfortable about certain elements of your relationship. You’re doing things you’d really rather not do.
But you feel selfish or guilty for saying no, so you end up agreeing with them.
Guilt trips and emotional blackmail are two of the narcissist’s favorite ways to keep people on their side.
6) They ignore you
When there is a problem, they seem unable to discuss it in a healthy way.
Instead of being open and honest with each other, they withdraw – with both their affection and their care.
They may try to pass it off as wanting space to “think” but in reality, this is frowned upon.
It is a form of punishment for not keeping them happy.
They may block you temporarily. They may unfollow you on social media. They can simply stop replying to your messages and hide you.
You may find that this happens without explanation, and you have no idea what you did wrong.
This is exactly what the narcissist wants.
7) It works with heat and cold
One day they chase you, the next they don’t.
It’s like a weird game of cat and mouse, where you take turns back and forth.
Narcissists tend to work in cycles.
It is this push and pull effect that means you never know whether you are coming or going.
It’s intentionally confusing.
One moment they are their charming self, and the next they are transformed.
For example, they send you a series of messages, and then take a long time to respond.
Having a narcissist in your life can feel like hanging out with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
And in those times when you are nowhere to be seen, you have to redouble your efforts, as we will see next.
8) Lately, you’ve been the one putting in all the effort
It didn’t start out that way.
If anything, they were the ones who put in the most effort in the beginning.
But over time, you have to pick up all the slack.
You often find yourself texting and calling, trying to arrange meetings, and making every compromise in your relationship.
It’s as if the tables have turned and you’re chasing her.
9) They won’t commit but they will still keep you sticking around
There’s a term for this, it’s called breadcrumbs.
They give you enough attention and hope so you can survive. But it is never enough to know where you stand.
Related : 7 mind games narcissists play to keep you in their grip
It creates a lot of insecurity on your part, which is exactly what a narcissist wants.
Keeping you guessing puts you in a weak place and puts them in a position of strength.
10) They say and do things to try to elicit a reaction from you
Sometimes it feels like they’re spoiling the fight.
They know how to push your buttons and have fun doing it.
but why?
While they are deceiving you by using your fears against you, they are controlling you.
Even though you may lose your temper, they keep theirs. So they make you the bad guy.
And if there’s one thing a narcissist loves, it’s shifting blame.
11) They always make themselves the victim
No matter what happens, it’s always your fault in one way or another. They refuse to take responsibility for anything.
They may pull lines like:
“If you didn’t treat me this way I wouldn’t have to act this way” or “I only did it because you were X, Y, Z.”
You may notice that you have to apologize all the time, just to keep the peace, even though you haven’t done anything wrong.
They paint a picture of you as the villain and them as the victim.
12) They threaten to break up with you
If we want to be happy in a relationship, we have to feel secure.
This security is impossible when you constantly live under the threat of separation.
Narcissists like to remind you that they can pull the rug out from under you at any time.
It’s “my way or the highway” and if you don’t play by their rules they will make threats like:
“If that’s how you feel, then maybe we shouldn’t be together” or “I can’t be with someone who thinks that about me.”
This is often just a way of trying to convince you to toe the line and go along with their desires.
13) They try to make you feel stupid
Narcissists like to feel superior.
It boosts their ego to think they are smarter than everyone else.
So you may notice that they deliberately bring up things that you know little about in order to flex their intellectual muscles in front of you.
It’s like a form of bragging, but specifically at your expense.
The less knowledgeable they try to make you seem, the wiser they think they will appear.
14) They try to make you jealous
Maybe they were openly flirting with someone right in front of you.
They may be telling you how great and good looking someone else is, and looking for a reaction.
It’s unfortunate that they try to make you feel bad.
It gives them a powerful rush to see the little green-eyed monster emerge within you.
They feel good knowing they can pull your strings.
15) They isolate you
The more influences you have in your life (especially positive ones), the less control the narcissist has over you.
So, over time, they seek to remove people and things from your life, so that they can take center stage.
This way, they become the sole focus.
They may try to encourage you to:
- Drop friends who claim to be a bad influence
- Stop spending time with family members
- Give up activities or interests that take you away from them
- Don’t play their games
- I know that it is not easy to break free from the narcissist’s trap.
Now you know what to pay attention to, and it is very important to remember:
They can’t play games if you refuse to engage in them.
To make sure this doesn’t happen:
- Set strong boundaries for yourself and know your limits and where you draw the line
- Be firm and clear in your communications
- Do not engage in useless discussions and arguments, but remove yourself from the situation
- Practice plenty of self-love and self-care to build your self-esteem
- Seek support from people you can trust
- The bottom line is that you deserve a lot more than what the narcissist will give you.
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